Today I left again

... I learned a lot from Dharvious.
But it pains me, that people still look at me with scared eyes.
Dharvious still claims I should stop hiding who I am! Should show what I am, who I am!
I should let my appearance work for me. "Once they sent us away, because they feared us! Now they pay us a fortune, to get scared!"
But I don't want to be feared. I want to be loved... I want to love.
 
Dharvious thinks, if they fear us, they leave us alone.
He doesn't understand... that I don't want to be alone anymore...
He didn't like that. "You have me! You are not alone!"
But why do I feel lonelier than ever? I am an outcast. A paid one, yes... but an outcast nontheless.
I want to fit in. I want to be accepted... not just tolerated. I don't want to feel alienated anymore. I don't want to be afraid anymore, when I see the looks in other peoples eyes.
I don't want to wait every single waking moment, for them to turn on them. For their fear to overwhelm them, to turn against me.
Dharvious thinks I am naive.... stupid.
 
Maybe I am... but maybe there is a place, where I can be myself. Just me. Kira. Not Wilkirak the demonspawn. Not The fey's violin. Just me.
I've heard stories about Veja. Where everyone is accepted. Where everyone is free. This is where I will be headed.
Dharvious is not coming with me. He want's to go into the triumvirat. The only place where demons like us, can truely be free... No... not there...
 
If I leave now, he said, he would no longer think of me as his own. I would just be one of the many people who left him. Who disappointed him. I can see the hurt in his eyes...
I don't want to leave him... but I have to.
 
I left in the middle of the night. All I left was the violin broche he gifted me a few weeks agon... and I stole his earing. Maybe I shouldn't have done that... But i need to have something that reminded me of him. He was my only friend. I love him...
 
And I will miss him...