Quincunx

How absolutely ignorant, arrogant, and asinine I was.
 
Where in all the hells did I get off thinking I was some sort of divine cosmic vigilante, here to bestow prosperity and justice upon the sleepy riverside town of Quickwater with my own two hands? Who was I to assume control and responsibility over a people who are not mine? Why in Sehanine's blessed sign did I think it appropriate to shoulder such a mantle, inserting myself right into the center of a situation that was in no need of mending? Have I learned nothing up until this point in my life? Has all of my experience and wisdom pertaining to circumstances such as this simply evaporated for use instead within a more competent person? *This* is my forte. *This* is what I am supposed to be able to handle in a position like mine. *This* is what I was raised to do, taught tirelessly to understand and embody.
 
And I failed.
 
We failed.
 
This business was not ours. But still we pursued it, and in the end, we deliberated for far, *far* too long instead of taking action that could have prevented such an atrocious outcome. Not only is Sarah condemned to eternal servitude or damnation or recurrent revivals and deaths or whatever it is fiends do with their thrall, but equal suffering has been placed on her children, Sil, the entire Brew household, and even the whole of Quickwater at the sudden and inexplicable loss of their effective matriarch.
 
And Xerrakir....he...d....died....I watched...the starlight fade from his body....I saw it happen....I saw death....
 
Though I believe we all went into this with good intentions, intent means nothing in the face of the results of one's actions. It is a sick parallel to Sarah's own plight that is not lost on me.
 
I am distraught, but I accept full responsibility for all that transpired. I was insistent, crusaded with the others, and worse still, was dismissive of Tear's concerns, and for what? My own personal fulfillment? So I could feel like a hero? Pardon the ensuing informality, but how astonishingly fucked. Saviors don't look a single thing like me.
 
For all that I claim to See, I have never in my life felt more blind.