Oh, No! I'm An Officer! by Dazzle | World Anvil
17th of Huntersmoon 4641 A.C.

Oh, No! I'm An Officer!

by Dazzle Kat

The first rule of being nondescript is to fit in with the crowd. And, now that I have been shoved into the hoity-toity crowd, I must fit in. Which is why I am writing a journal for posterity. Though a journal full of potential evidence goes against every rule I have ever lived by, I shall give it my best. Also, because I am being honest, it shall contain things I am sure Captain Madrimlian would REDACT were he to ever find it ... which he won't! so ... let me start my journal with how this terrible tragedy of hoity-toityness came about.
Dear Journal,
It had been one wild and crazy party, celebrating the wedding of Queen Vonvin (of course she was clever enough to marry an elf who had served as the avatar of Odin .... His missing nut be praised! ... during our terrifying journey through a haunted wormhole) and King Xerxes. After binding my good friend Nimolin in rope and stuffing her into her bedroll, I climbed into my own bedroll and a fine sleep of the weary and slightly inebriated.
Waking up the next morning, thanks to our newest partner in risky business Aerin trying to help Nimolin sober up, I innocently went about helping. Oh, it should be noted Nimolin insisted we never let her have more than four drinks in a day. With Nimolin sloshed full of water, and standing three-quarters straight on her cane, we decided it would be a good idea to find the fourth member of our tricky crew, Rando L'Elf. We did not have to go far to find him. He was still in the throne room. He hung from the ceiling all wrapped up in half of a wedding banner like an unshucked corncob.
Getting Rando out of the banner, we found that, not only was he naked, he had no idea of where any bits of his uniform were. Standing was all but impossible for him so we flopped him on a table like a stalk of wilted celery so we could look for his uniform. Fortunately, the Bosun joined us and used his magic. Even then, we only managed to find his shirt, pants, and one sock. Then, it was trumpeted about that we had to get up and be all presentable. And Rando was still OUT OF UNIFORM!!!
While we were trying to find the rest of his uniform, a runner came to me saying the Commodore (she is our captain but got a fancy-pants rank cause ... well, it is war and shit happened) wanted me to report to her at Starpointe. Leaving Aerin and Nimolin to take care of Rando, I reposted to the Commodore, dreading the whole way there that she was about to toss me into the sea of paperwork another crewmate of mine named Ayden was swimming in.
The Commodore then proceeded to tell me that she needed me to negotiate for more ships. Hurray for no sea of paperwork! It was then that she, and Pince Selnaris, made me a lieutenant! I felt certain the Commodore must still be under the influence of overindulging in the celebrations (the Bosun did have a sore shoulder from catching people dancing on the table ... he never said who but I think it was the commodore) as the only explanation ... I had just been promoted to Color Sergeant the day before!
Anyways, I was told to get an officer's uniform, grab whoever I wanted to back me up, and jump on a ship. So, that is what I did. Back in the throne room, I searched for and found (there were ALOT of clothes piled in there!) a uniform, pinned the pips from Cpt Mad to the collar, and marched us all to our ship. It was the ship Nimolin had liberated from her father's trading company and donated to the navy and captained by Valrik.
It was a short voyage where we desperately worked to get Rando sober and I learned this King Phobus was actually a DRAGON who ran about in the form of an elf! He was also married to an elf queen ... and their baby was born an egg. Um, my head still hurts thinking over THAT one but, eh, elf sleep with everything it seems. Anyways, the voyage proved very enlightening and Captain Valrik was very chatty in a helpful way. He ever used some weird eye magic to sober Rando right up.
We arrived in Silvermoor and negotiated with the King. I not only got the 40 merchantman ship the commodore wanted but ... I got the King to get his 100 ship navy adapted to space as a RESERVE!! After that hard day of work we were given an ambassadorial suite to rest in. It was there that I realized I needed to be more hoity-toity like the other officers and asked for a journal.
Now that I have written down everything, its time to relax in a bubble bath. Ooooo, Nimolin made a pillow fort, too!

Continue reading...

  1. Oh, No! I'm An Officer!
    17th of Huntersmoon 4641 A.C.
  2. They Ruined My Bubblebath!
    18th of Huntingmoon 4641 A.C.