They Ruined My Bubblebath! by Dazzle | World Anvil
18th of Huntingmoon 4641 A.C.

They Ruined My Bubblebath!

by Dazzle Kat

Dear Journal,
There I was, recuperating in a bubble bath after a hard day of negotiating for an entirely new navy of 40 merchantmen and 100 military vessels (your welcome, by the way -- and no redacting, Cpt Mad!!!). The pillow fort was set up and as soon as I was done with that one last soak, I was gonna sleep on a cloud of pillows in that fort. Then, Major Airaion Stink-Elf started yelling through our bug suits.
"Everyone with a bug suit, get back to Glimmerfell!" Well, really! I informed his stinkiness that I was needed to complete the negotiations with the dragon-king. I may have also mentioned that I was awaiting further negotiation developments in a bubble bath so I was REALLY not ready to go muster with the others.
"Are you BUBBLE BATHING? There's no bubble bathing in WAR!" Yelled Major Stink-Elf. Really! Sadly, they sent a replacement negotiator, Captain Valrik, so me and my crew got into our bug suits. Oh, and he brought bug suits for Rin and Nimolin.
As me and Rando were explaining bug suits to them, the little princess came in. I pointed out the pillow fort to her and she, being a very smart little girl, rushed right in. Nimolin told Quill he had to stay and babysit the princess as he would not be able to keep up with bug suits. Captain Valrik offered to watch over both the princess and Quill for us. What could possibly go wrong?
So we left Silvermoor. Rin and Nimolin flew like aces on their maiden flights and we returned to Glimmerfell in time for the muster. After another bit of ... discussion with major Stink-Elf, we fetched the space skid and flew off, a bug suit navy hellbent to save Zynmyrinar.
By the time we arrived, the poo ammo was frozen solid in the jars. We managed to dodge enemy fire spells from the ship bombarding the city while others were landing and dumping out ground troops.
Major Stink-Elf broke us into teams that each took on one ship while I was assigned to stay back in reserve with the skid, Rando, and Rin. We were to serve as a rescue or backup, so we circled the battle, watching.
Bug suits are near impossible targets for siege weapons to hit, and with each team having mages to weaken the enemy for the fighters, these teams were well-prepared to succeed in taking control of the ships. As expected, things seemed to go very well, and my team was not needed. However, down below in the city, the citizens were not so lucky. The orcs were landing and marching on a brave but outnumbered citizen defense force. We had to help them!
Rin decided to man the mini-pult and Rando took over flying it by himself. They made a perfect team! Rando flew the 'pult like he had been born to weave it through streets and lined up on the orcs marching from the docks. Rin aimed his shot, then fired. A perfect hit right in the middle! I could not see just how damaging it was as I turned to weave through the buildings myself to attack the flanking army of orcs coming in at the citizen army from the west.
I swooped in behind them where I was less likely to be seen in time to shoot me with their crossbows and cast my biggest spell. It was the first time I ever got to use it in combat and it worked beautifully! As I flew low, the spell unleashed a cone of deadly snowballs into them. I am unsure what happened, but I suddenly found myself standing on the ground in the midst of badly frozen orcs. The screams behind made me turn. There was a path of broken orcs littering the street. Those not dead were screaming and trying to climb the walls while others writhed on the ground amidst the pieces of others.
There were too many still alive and able. I infused a rope I always carry with arcana and dropped it. The rope did not fall. One end lowered to the ground and stood straight for the next five feet. the remaining fifteen feet of the rope whipped about, attacking anyone who dared move into its reach. With the rope keeping the enemy at bay, I flew up. As I did, I noticed an orc trying to fire his crossbow at me but nothing happened. He just roared out what I think were cuss words and tossed the crossbow away.
Rando turned around for another run at the orcs attacking from the docks. He lined up well and Rin fired another round of frozen poo ammo. This time the rear half of the orc army was hit. It was too much for the orcs. They broke ranks and ran. I made my turn to line up my next attack on the west army but, sadly, they had already routed. I joined Rando and Rin.
"Let's look for someone else to wreck!" I ordered. I turned to look. Unfortunately, Rando turned to look the other way and our helmets crashed together.
"Lieutentant! Rando! Fire!" Rin yelled, pointing down somewhere in the city.
As we head over that way, a strange grunting sound comes from Cpt Mad.
"What's the -- Captain!" So disgusting. I am NOT cleaning his bug suit!
Rando gets the skid lined up and Rin shoots at the orc army trying to burn the city. The poo ammo hits the ground and shatters. It was my turn to attack but, though the helmet, I heard King Xerxes order his captured goblin to surrender himself to us. It did not take long to spot to spot him heading our way so I swooped down in front of him.
"Hands up, goblin," I ordered in Elfin. The goblin raised his hands. "I am going to take you to a small ship where you will load the catapult when order. Understood?"
"Ye, ma'am," the goblin said. I flew up, grabbed his arms, and flew him to the space skid where I set him in the front with the ammo.
"Rin, he will load the catapult whenever you tell him. You will be able to shoot faster."
I then flew off to line up my attack. Sadly, one more shot of poo and they scattered then surrendered. As we matched them to the prisoner round-up, I noticed Ghenk, our new goblin mascot, wears socks of greed and red.

Continue reading...

  1. Oh, No! I'm An Officer!
    17th of Huntersmoon 4641 A.C.
  2. They Ruined My Bubblebath!
    18th of Huntingmoon 4641 A.C.