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Wed 11th Dec 2024 04:22

87. Reflections

by Lady Leticia Scarlet-Bloesembhel Voetdhel-Montaneus

Scarlet sat in silence, her fingers curling into fists as she stared at the uncovered mirror. The flickering firelight danced across her reflection, but her gaze locked on her eyes. Forest green, just like her mother’s. Too much like her mother’s.
 
“I hate seeing my face. It reminds me of you,” she whispered, her voice low.
 
Her hands reached for the velvet drape hung over the chair nearby. She drew it over the mirror, letting her fingers linger on the softness as she smoothed the edges, ensuring it hung straight and without wrinkles. The act was deliberate, a small ritual of control, but it couldn’t quiet the unease in her chest. Once hidden, the mirror was just another object in the room, easier to ignore. Ignoring things—that she was good at.
 
Scarlet sank into her desk chair with a soft creak of wood, the weight of unspoken thoughts pressing heavily on her shoulders. Her newest journal lay before her, its cover an intricate masterpiece of cut and dyed leather. The deep purple looked nearly black in the flickering candlelight, and her fingers traced the raised patterns of its border.
 
She sighed as she opened it, flipping past filled pages until she reached a blank one. The empty space stared back at her, patient yet unyielding, daring her to find the words she didn't want to commit to paper.
 
She let her gaze wander over previous entries, turning the pages slowly. The gentle shuffle of paper joined the crackle of the fire, filling the room’s stillness. For the first time that day, her mask was off, and she allowed herself to feel raw and unguarded. Her throat tightened as fragments of old thoughts surfaced—dreams she’d long abandoned, musings from a younger version of herself who hadn’t yet been hardened by reality.
 
*Sniffles was right,* she thought. *I’m not the same person day to day, week to week. It always surprises me how much I’ve changed—and how much I can still change.*
 
Finally, with a heavy sigh, she took up her pen and touched it to the page.
 
She wrote:
 
*I grieved the mother I deserved, not the one who passed away. I grieve the childhood I never had, the one I watched others enjoy. I realize now that the reason I’ve been so giving to the imps is because I wish someone had been that kind to me when I was little.*
 
The words began to flow, as though the pen pulled her hand forward.
 
*Sniffles tried to offer me a childhood, but I was so....determined to “win,” to get back everything that was 'taken' from me. Though saying this out loud makes me realize how entitled I was. Was it worth it? I sometimes wonder if I should have listened to her, if I should have let go of revenge. But knowing what I do now... I don’t think I could have. I only have this thought because I’m so close. She was right, though. When this is over, I’ll have nothing left.*
 
Her pen hovered for a moment, but she pressed on:
 
*I wish I’d had the time to play instead of endless hours studying. I wish I’d had the chance to know other children, to befriend my cousins, to laugh and stumble and grow beside them, instead of wearing the mantle of the perfect heir. Being the 'heir' only ensured to keep me apart from everyone, such a lonely existence. I wish I had more time for myself. After this is all done... what do I want to do? I don’t know. I don’t want to keep running everything. I’m so tired. But would I be happy if I let it go? Do I need to continue being the heir? I want to be someone else and free myself from this 'title'.*
 
A tear slipped free and landed on the page, smudging a word. She didn’t wipe it away. It felt fitting—a small mark of truth she couldn’t deny. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a handkerchief. The embroidery was as terrible as ever, the cluster of strawberries more like red blobs with green spiky bits, but it was comfortingly familiar.
 
Scarlet leaned back, placing the pen into its well and watching as the nib pulled the ink into it's reservoir. Her gaze shifted to the fire. Its warmth was steady, unlike the turmoil roiling inside her.
 
“I was robbed of so much,” she murmured into the silence. Then, quieter still, “But at least I can give them what I never had. I can help now where I couldn’t before. I have changed... and I think I made the right choice even if I dislike where I am currently.”
 
The faint sound of the imps’ laughter filtered through the thick stone walls. It wasn’t grating this time but a small reminder of why she worked so tirelessly. They weren’t the only ones who benefited.
 
She closed the journal carefully, leaving the ink to dry, and placed it in her desk drawer. Turning the key, she listened to the click of the lock before slipping the key onto the chain around her neck and tucking it beneath her dress.
 
She had written enough for tonight.

Continue reading...

  1. 01. Settling in
  2. 02. Fist Fight at a fancy Ball
  3. 03. It's a Lion not a 'Cat'
  4. 04. Patron's tea and dance
  5. 05. The escort job
  6. 06. Update: Today's purchase list
  7. 07. Escort for Bella and the Loot King
  8. 08. Sirens and a chase in town
  9. 09. Got abducted again
  10. 10. Jams and Jellies
  11. 11. New Dog
  12. 12. Guards in the Trees
  13. 13. Temple Visit
  14. 14. New Pup & Outing
  15. 15. Training exercises
  16. 16. Fighting over an idol
  17. 17. Jobs galore
  18. 18. New stationary
  19. 19. A small visit
  20. 20. Slaps and shows
  21. 21. Today's meal
  22. 22. Homesick
  23. 23. Lanterns in the sky
  24. 24. Baby in the park
  25. 25. The Heist
  26. 26. Update: Guild
  27. 27. Mines and Traps
  28. 28. New clothes
  29. 29. I made Journeyer!
  30. 30. Investment shopping
  31. 31. The Pit (fights)
  32. 32. Ghosts of the past
  33. 33. Unexpected ending in a Play
  34. 34. Today's meal
    https://www.worldanvil.com/hero/journal/1aa083c5-ae1f-4624-a724-197a3f8704e3/view
  35. 35. Spies and secrets
  36. 36. Wanted: Three Hand Gang (WED)
  37. 37. Well it's official
  38. 38. Hags and stones
  39. 39. Death and visitations
  40. 40. the shell game
  41. 41. Anger and plots
  42. 42. The jobs so far
  43. 43. (Doodles)
  44. 44. Meetings and Partings
  45. 45. Double checking
  46. 46. An office Scene
    8/01/2023
  47. 47. An(other) office Scene
  48. 48. Paperwork
  49. 49. Behind the curve
  50. 50. Notes and notation
  51. 51. Cake and notes
  52. 52. Paperwork on the high seas
  53. 53. Pics and notes
  54. 54. A small talk
  55. 55. Small notes
  56. 56. The Dressmaker
  57. 57. (food)
  58. 58. Notes
  59. 59. Putting the clues together
  60. 60. Notes
  61. 61. Tea cakes (& slights)
  62. 62. Updates
  63. 63. Board Meetings during battles
  64. 64. Updates
  65. 65. Field command
  66. 66. I am okay
  67. 67. Mountains of paperwork
  68. 68. Needed Vacation
  69. 69. A note
  70. 70. An update
  71. 71. Dissapointment
  72. 72. Notes
  73. 73. Journal entry
  74. 74. Ledgers
  75. 75. Food
  76. 76. An update
  77. 77. A thought
  78. 78. Basking in Dusk's light
  79. 79. A note
  80. 80. A letter home
  81. 81. A dream/a journal entry
  82. 82. An update
  83. 83. Working long hours
  84. 84. A dream, a memory
  85. 85. A meeting
  86. 86. The ride home
  87. 87. Reflections
  88. 88. Paperwork
  89. 89. A small trip
  90. 90. The journey there
  91. 91. Fitting in
  92. 92: Finding your voice
  93. 93: New plans made
  94. 94. (the missive)
  95. 95. Nursery planning
  96. 96: New spell gem
  97. 97: Shuffling

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by 3 Armored Kittens · Prodromos v.1.1 - World Anvil 0.9.15.045 © 2017-2024 [en] | Anvil Time: 17:51, May 30 2025