dying.

my father turns a blind eye to it all,
those parts of my life i cannot speak of,
those memories that hurt too much to touch.
 
my sister turns around and leaves me behind.
in retrospect, i should have let her,
but i didn't have the gift of foresight like her.
 
though i don't know it yet,
i am roped into the greatest scheme of my life.
i witness the rise and fall of many others like myself.
are they friends? are they foes? i cannot say.
trust no one, spoke my mind in her voice
but my bleeding heart gave myself away.
 
she spoke to me one last time,
but the next day is my last.
i fall before i'm supposed to,
and for five long years i bit and scratched my way back to life.
 
and even then, it never ends.
empty sounds are all i have left
of their names. of their voices. of all that they were, and all that i never learned of them.
you can know something without learning it.
 
there are truly things that ought not to exist.
there are truly things that are worth protecting.
 
for one second, it seemed i was back there
in the freezing cold of death,
in the ice and rock of the spirit world.
it seemed another one hundred years,
all wrapped up in the blink of an eye.
 
still, i watch everyone fall around me.
i scream their names, and yet i am still unable to help.
life is a precious thing,
and yet some seek to take it.
 
i won't deny that i have my own misdeeds. i know i'm far from perfect.
 
i refuse to stand by while i can do something.
 
you may not forgive me, i'm sure
 
but i swear to do what i have to.