The Calamity. (pt. 1)

The incarceration continues. If I sharpen my weapons any more they'll cut AIR. Tried a magic based solvent this morning. No use, stains remain. Waiting for results on my psyche eval, they should be here today. Please, let them be good news, I can't take much more of this! I was meant to be out there in the field! If they'd just let me back out there I could prove that! UGH.
 
I still hear her voice. Little things, like when she'd tease me about how my hair looks in the morning, or my meticulously organizing things when I'm nervous. Almost broke the teapot this morning. I swear I heard her ask me to pass it to her. I had the dream again last night.
 
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Well, good news and bad news. Good news is, I'm back in the field and no one seems to have died! Bad news is the Forge went critical, a lot of people, including other agents, were badly hurt, and basically all you-know-what broke loose. 187 shards?? And that's just confirmed???? Countless worlds. Who knows were they all ended up. Gods, this is bad.
 
On the bright side, at least I don't have to deal with another 45 days being cooped up and useless here and can finally do something again. Am I terrible for being slightly relieved? I mean, this isn't how I wanted things to go, obviously it's bad, but I'm going crazy cooped up like this! Maybe if I can get out there and help it will prove that I can do this still.
 
And maybe it will help ease the nightmares a little too...