A Meditation on Diverse Natural Processes

Let me seize this fleeting dip between waves to offer myself some words of encouragement.
 
This is good. I'm happy. It's natural.
 
Yes, this is for the best. The old mechanism wasn't working anymore, that much is obvious. In Greyloch, with all the schemes and wheels within wheels and Nysali losing her mind - no centre in the storm of gears - it was up to me to make sense of it all, to rise above it and survey with cool dispassion the manifold errors of the system and fucking FIX things. I tried, sorta, but it was like squeezing myself into a too-small suit of armour that was also trying to eat me. I tried, and it crushed me.
 
I hid in my workshop. I failed her.
 
I mean, I THINK the others managed to smooth things over, kinda? But it's all a bit of a blur. At least Greyloch wasn't on fire when we left...? Pretty sure I'd remember that. Pretty sure....
 
That was MY job though. I'm her protector. And I fucked it up like I fuck everything up.
 
So this is good. No, whether it's good or bad is irrelevant. It's adaptation, a NECESSARY adoption of a new system of being.
 
Nature is full of things turning into other things. I mean, there's the obvious – caterpillars into butterflies – but there are shitloads of other examples. I assume. Realizing now that my knowledge of nature is perhaps a bit limited. Oh, come on, there's... slugs into... crusty mush? No, seriously, nature is all about transformation, isn't it? Aha! Eggs! Into birds and reptiles and such. There's... um... dolphins into mermaids? Is that how that works?
 
Are mermaids real? I always assumed they were just sailors' stories but who the fuck knows now, all bets are off, anything is possible. Do they evolve from dolphins? Do they come from eggs? Or do the dolphins sorta flop themselves up the beach to force themselves upon unsuspecting sun-bathers and nine months later, out pops a mermaid? Ugh, gross. Although I suppose it could be a beautiful thing if it was consensual. Maybe it's natural?
 
Note to self: ask Kern if mermaids are real and, if they are, how they work.
 
MY POINT BEING there's nothing to be afraid of, transformation is natural, and what kind of LUNATIC is afraid of nature?
 
Erg, shit oh shit, the wave's cresting again and flashes of the place Nuffunfxs was talking about are assailing me. Pretty sure it's the EPL* again but the way he described it was not like this. It's like the colours at the heart of a star have been separated into strands and woven into a place. Everything is fire. A momentary gasp of the sun.
 
The butterflies are burning.
 
No, it looks like the apocalypse because you're resisting it. It's fine. It's FINE. Let yourself go. Dissolve into it. Release the machinery of your self. Abandon all systems.
 
what is punctuation anyway let it go nothing but a construct of the man imposing meaningless distinctions on nature everything is one fire flowing wordless wisdom to the silent soul
 
speak without speech like the butterfly with wings signalling nothing but joy
 
*a page of crude butterfly-themed hieroglyphs follows*
 
what the shit is all this no seriously WHAT THE SHIT IS ALL THIS?!
 
Get a grip, man! You need STRUCTURE! What's next, doodling unicorns? Yes, you're undergoing some changes but you're only going to freak yourself out MORE if you abandon ALL sense of your self. Sure, it's gonna be painful, and the others are gonna look at you weird but you're used to that, you like it, you ENCOURAGE it because no matter how ridiculous they find you, you know you're even more so and deep down you hope that their eyes will somehow tear strips from your armour to reveal something else, something more genuine, but it doesn't, it never has, it only makes you dig your heels in, so you're gonna have to do it yourself but in STAGES, not all at once, you crazed goat-fucker. The EPL can't devour you even if you want it to.
 
fuck im so high
 
Who are they to look at you sideways anyway? To judge you? Pupation is a messy business! Let THEM try it and see if they can come out the other side all sparkling and clean and not covered in goo. Fuck them! If they have a problem with what is an ENTIRELY NATURAL AND BEAUTIFUL process, you will broaden their minds and teach them the error of their ways by force if necessary for you are XYLUND SCYTHEWING!
 
Or maybe XYLUND OF THE WINGED SCYTHE! With an accent over the E in WINGED so it's two syllables, you know?
 
Waaaah and up we gooooooooooooo
 
my wings are scythes is what im getting at but perhaps thats not the point
 
*sketch of a butterfly with a skull for a head and an eye on each of its wings, one of which is winking*
 
 
 
EPL = the Elemental Plane of Love