[Session 99] Reflections

Returning back to Bastion was supposed to be a comfort. Of course, there was no fanfare or debrief or success to be celebrated - as far as the city and her friends knew, she never left in the first place - but even without that, Robyn thought she’d be happier being on the surface.
 
Nothing was that simple anymore, and returning had only brought more questions, more fear, more risk. It was taking all her willpower to keep a tight hold on that paranoia and think rationally. There was nothing to gain by panicking.
 
Perhaps that’s why she chose to stay in her own flat that night, away from the bustle of Haven’s residents going about their business, to just think in the silence of her flat - as silent as the Smithing District ever was anyway. There was temptation to run to Quinn, to the comfort of her childhood room, such as it was, but the old man didn’t need more drama on his doorstep than she already brought.
 
She’d kept Danza’s note, and the one she’d left for Hamish, both tucked into her journal to keep them close. There were answers to both, there had to be, but none would be found by rushing and inviting the wrong attention and the wrong questions.
 
Yet even with that rationale, Robyn quietly seethed. Hamish and the Stormwalkers were supposed to be safe in Bastion - they all were - that was the whole point. Her worry for her Skirmisher family ebbed a little when she reminded herself of their capabilities - they didn’t need her and were more than capable of their own defense. But Hamish didn’t have the same knack for violence as they did - at least, not last she checked.
 
Robyn splashed her face with water and scrubbed vigorously, pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes and dragging them down her cheeks. She had to rest, but her mind was buzzing, her hands itching.
 
Give me something to shoot. Anything.
 
But this wasn’t the Wastes or the Underdark, and her enemies weren’t clear. That was the problem.
 
“I can make it all go away, you know. All that horror that will befall your people - I could give you the power to stop it all. To see in the dark to fight the corruption that plagues your homeland.”
 
“Imagine being the hunter on land and in the dark. Imagine being able to see further than any creature can. The truest of scouts, queen of the plains, master assassin.”
 
She had laughed at Mordekai then, thinking she knew herself best. That wasn’t what she wanted; he had read her all wrong. She was just a soldier, and she had vengeance on her mind. But now, looking at her reflection in the dark, the weariness under her eyes, the tightness of her brow showing her anger, the twist of her mouth showing her fear, perhaps the devil knew her better than she did after all.
 
If they’ve hurt them I’ll destroy their world too.
 
That desire should have scared her. She wasn’t supposed to want that, not in Bastion. Hunting a fiend, chasing vengeance for Caine, that was one thing - that could be allowed, as long as it wasn’t a waste of resources. But the thought of turning her blades on anyone else out of anything other than defence… that shouldn’t be something to entertain.
 
You know you’d enjoy it. Why shouldn’t you? Just ask the price. It’ll be worth it to keep them safe. You could do anything.
 
...No, that’s not how it should be done. Gratitude proved that.
 
Robyn angrily splashed the mirror as the image of Gratitude’s void mouth and sharp eyes came to mind, watching the water droplets roll down and distort her features in the reflection for a moment. She grit her teeth and screwed her eyes shut, taking several deep breaths and relaxing her jaw and hands on each exhale.
 
When she opened her eyes, her reflection was still as human as before. She let out a long breath and turned to drop heavily onto her bed, pulling her pillow over her head as if that would help block out the noise in her mind.
 
It will be alright. It has to be. You’ll find them.
 
She repeated that in her head until she drifted to a fitful sleep, her dreams peppered with her fears and desires, and a shining city that spanned the Deep.