He Loves Her

Joyanna's alive, there's no denying it now. I thought it was weird, I had this strange feeling in the back of my mind ever since we learned who Villard really was, but we confirmed it today. Well I confirmed it first, in the shittiest way possible.
 
I guess Omar wouldn't have been able to try that Sending spell if we didn't know for sure, but still. I didn't learn that transmutation magic to pretend to be someone's dead fiance. Except she's not dead. She's in hiding, her dad and half-brother Nisar are in on it, and we don't know why.
 
I knew he'd be upset, but I didn't expect him to be that upset. I thought it was some stupid arranged affair like you hear about, but I guess he really loved her. I hate seeing people cry, I never know what to say. And it was strange to see Aurnel like that, he's usually so weird and... put-together.
 
This should be good news, but I'm just angry and frustrated about it. I was supposed to be done with that when that priestess cured us, but I guess it's just the default now. She's alive, of course she'd be alive after all of that, and of course he'd care enough to cry about her. I don't know why I was thinking otherwise. I SHOULDN'T be disappointed, but I wish she was dead after all. I really do. That's the kind of person I am. I wonder what they'd all say if I said that. I bet they'd say I didn't really mean it. I'm sure Aurnel would be shocked. That's what he gets for trying to pretend he thought I was some kind of good person.
 
Now I'm supposed to keep helping try and solve her fake murder? I don't know why I was bothering with this. It's not going to help me find Dad.
 
She was supposed to already be dead, it wasn't supposed to matter. He started crying again when Omar confirmed she was alive. I don't get that either. Isn't he supposed to be happy? What was the point of going through all of that if it turned out she was just in hiding?
 
Her mother, too. Aurnel and her both were kept in the dark, and for what? If it's to protect her that's a load of crap. I'm sure "Lord Slateburn" doesn't have some big heroic reason to do what he did, Nisar too.
 
I wish we'd never taken this stupid job. But I can't abandon it either. I already realized I was being an idiot about this, there was no way I had a chance to begin with, but I still said we wouldn't give up. I told him I wouldn't give up until it was done, even though I already knew it wouldn't change anything. Why'd I have to promise that? I don't know when to quit, I guess.
 
...Since when do I care so much about stuff like this? We have more important things to worry about, like how bad Sylvar's pirate-talk is. Can't wait to deal with "AHOY ME HEARTIES" for the rest of our fucking time in Berem.