Session 108
General Summary
- The party gathered loot from the tree and catfish-like creature and returned to Dew Mill.
- Back at the town, the party discussed what to do next.
- Barry mentioned that they still didn't have any proof that they assassinated Kiirni like Grimes was supposed to do. "No proof, no pay", as he puts it.
- Marvin plans to work on a quick-change disguise so that he can look like Grimes, but someone else will need to drive his toad while he does this.
- While the party was trying to sleep, Dazki heard a disturbance downstairs: a trio of goblins were trying to steal from the inn.
- The party subdued the goblins and negotiated with them. One thing led to another, and the three now think that they're members of a tribe led by Grogery.
Full Recap
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Dwardazik, now placing the bark gently on the surface of the water: I've got the wood...! Here it is! Well... if the plan was to get all of the bark, then we nailed it, eh? Dazki: I feel like we should at least scrape some more off the tree. Marvin: Yeah. At the end of the day, let's not have this all go to waste and let all this danger be for nothing. Dwardazik: Ugh. Listen. Why don't we take a breather: do The Dazki Thing™ and take anything from these creatures that might be alchemically important, do The Kesmet Thing™ where we see if we can make drugs from anything from these creatures, do The Grogery Thing™ where we all heal up and eat some food, and do The Marvin Thing™ where he sings us a song? Kesmet: I don't make drugs...?! Dwardazik: And I'll do The Dwarven Thing™... where I sit down here and catch my breath.Dwardazik steps out of the muck and lies down on his back. Kesmet uses Prestidigitation to clean the remnants of the acidic pollen off his armor and then flies over to the toadbeasts to check up on them and Barry. The toadbeasts have buried themselves in the mud, and Barry is nowhere to be seen. Dwardazik uses his own warhammer to help himself up off his back and get to work on one of the tree's roots, slain during the battle.
(Survival 23) The roots are made out of the same kind of material as the tree, though the bark is covered in an amber-like resin to make it more waterproof. The resin is thick and waxy, like a pine tar, where it sticks to everything. Some bits have crystallized since being exposed to the air.
Dwardazik starts collecting the resin into some empty potion vials, as Kesmet flies back.
Grogery: Hey, how's Barry doing? Kesmet: He's gone. Marvin: Uhh..... uh, "gone", like, "GONE-gone"?! Dazki: Ahh, fuck. Kesmet: I dunno. He's not there anymore. Grogery: Marvin, can you Send to him? Marvin: Yeah. That's a good idea. Barry. The immediate danger's over. Do you want to join up with us? Are you all right? Barry: Still watchin' the frogs, boss! Marvin: He's "still watching the frogs", apparently. You sure you didn't see him? Kesmet: The frogs weren't there either, but I don't have the best perception. Marvin: Well, the toads bury themselves. Are you sure you looked in the right spot?Kesmet and Dazki return to the area. Dazki spots the toads immediately, (Perception 28) and Barry has buried himself in the mud too. Dazki points him out.
Kesmet: Oh. I see him now. Dazki: The toads are hiding under the mud to stay cool and out of danger.The party regroups back at the tree. Kesmet offers to make more empty bottles for collecting the resin, by having everybody drink a vial of red wine that he had taken from the casino.
Grogery: I mean, we could probably all drink to what happened here! Dwardazik: I'll drink to that! Marvin: I don't want to drink the whole thing right now, when we're in danger... Dwardazik, ignoring Marvin: Now, that's my kind of celebration! Hand me one of those! Marvin: A dwarf drinking wine?! Dwardazik: Shut up. It's still liquor. Kesmet: It's the free wine from the thing, remember? Dwardazik: Shut up! Anything's better than this right now. Gimme! Kesmet: OK, so that's one for Dwardazik and one for me. Anyone else? Three left. Marvin: Dazki, we could... split one? I can't handle a whole one. Dazki: No, I... I don't feel like drinking right now. Marvin: Same... Dwardazik: I'll drink it! Grogery: If what's in the tree is worth more than the wine, then we could just... pour the wine out? Kesmet: But what if we need wine later? Dwardazik: No! Grogery! Bad! Grogery: But, trading! Dwardazik: I'll take all of them that won't be drunk. Kesmet: ...are you going to drink them? Dwardazik: Yes. Kesmet: ...right now?Kesmet drinks one of the vials, while Dwardazik drinks the other four. Dwardazik returns Dazki his damaged crowbar, and Grogery hands Dazki the damaged machete for scraping off some of the bark, (Dexterity 18) which he is able to safely do. As Dwardazik and Kesmet scoop the resin into some empty vials, Grogery goes to investigate the eggs.
The eggs are like a clear jelly, with black caviar-like dots the size of marbles suspended inside. They've started to become coated in algae, and there are hundreds of them.
Grogery: Does anyone think that people would like eggs to a giant electrical catfish? Kesmet: Maybe? I don't know? I'm not a zoologist. Grogery: They have these toads. They'd probably appreciate being able to raise a catfish to defend the town. Kesmet: Is it... raisable? Domesticatable? Grogery: You'll never know unless you try! Momma probably knows. Kesmet: Go ahead and gather a few vials of those as well, while Dwardazik and I are gathering this sap. Marvin: Well, you guys seem like you have it under control. I'm gonna go find Barry. Dazki: OK, he was hiding by the toads at location.Marvin flies over, seeing where the toads have buried themselves and some bubbles coming up from the murk at location. He pokes into the murk. Barry jumps up, pistol ready.
Marvin: Hey! Easy there, tiger! You can lower that! Barry looks completely clean. Marvin: Man, I wish I could do that... you've got, like, natural immunity to this shit... Marvin: You doin' OK? Barry: It's really you this time, right? Marvin: I think it's me! Barry: How do I know it's you? Marvin: I gave you that pistol... Barry: Say something only you would say! Marvin: Uh, I dunno... "fuck you"? ...also, I gave you that pistol... um... oh, oh! Here's something you know that only I would say to you: APOLOGIZE. Barry: ...you can stay for now, but I've got my eye on you! Marvin: I'd be disappointed if you didn't.The party regroups at the toads and heads out.
On the Toad Again
Along the way, Dazki actively surveys the area, (Perception 20) noticing that they are being stalked by some animals on their way back. As soon as Dazki tells this to everyone else, Kesmet casts a fire bolt randomly into the bush, immediately hitting something, which splashes into the water below.Dazki: Good eyes, Kesmet! Kesmet: ...right! I totally saw that... whatever-it-was, to the left of us! Dazki: Yeah, I don't know what it was either, I'm not familiar with the animals around here. Kesmet: ...I didn't actually see it, I just guessed. Dazki: I know, I was just trying to give you credit. Dwardazik: So did you actually hit something? Kesmet: I think so. Dazki: Yeah, he got one of the animals following behind us. Dwardazik: Hmm... guess I owe you a beer. You'll come drink with me, right? Kesmet: Maybe. This town seems kinda fuckin' sketchy. As sketchy as the swamp. I feel like that old lady was trying to come onto us. And I feel like she has multiple places of business, which may or may not be legal, exactly? I mean, how many permits do you need for that?
Barry: Dude, this place is really different from what I'm used to. I don't think I can be a good guide, here. Dazki: It's all right, as long as you can help us keep the animals under control, we'll be able to manage. Dwardazik: I can tell you, straight-up, this is not a normal dwarf's environment. Too many trees. Marvin: This isn't normal for anyone! Kesmet: I'm not too fond of it either. Grogery: I mean, this feels strangely OK to me, but I dunno... Kesmet: Must be a cleric thing. Grogery: No, I think that goblins are just supposed to be used to hot, moist environments. Kesmet: That, or it's... you see all this water, and you think to yourself, "I could make this holy water!". So clerics are pro-water. That's totally what it is. Grogery: I'm fine with the humidity, but the fact that there's all this deep water around is definitely making me nervous, considering the fact that I almost drowned... twice. Kesmet: Yeah, that was pretty bad. How are you doing, by the way? Grogery: I'm doing OK. Feeling pretty winded by the whole experience, but this is what we do, right? You guys have gone down several times. Kesmet:Dazki: Speaking of that, Grogery, can you swim? Grogery: Not in armor, I'd imagine. Outside of armor, I've never really... had to? Dazki: All right. Should definitely make it a goal to make sure you can at some point.
It does start to get quite dark before you arrive, but through the haze, you can still see the large lighthouse in the middle of the town. Good thing this town has a lighthouse, despite not being right against the river!
Back in Town
Dropping the toads off at the nearest stable, you return to the Stick in the Mud. When you return, you notice that it is not empty like how you left it. All the loggers having done their job for the day, a group of them are sitting about on some benches around a table, just de-stressing.
You walk in, still caked in mud in some places, fed up with it all. You see Sonny, but not Momma. You get looks from people.
Dwardazik: Hey, Sonny! You think you can get me an ale? Sonny, bounding over: What do you want? Dwardazik: Ale. Sonny: Ale? Dwardazik: Big mug. Sonny: OK. He charges off, but then quickly charges back. Wait. But you didn't say... how many? Dwardazik: Two big ale. Sonny bounds off again. Dwardazik: Hey, Kesmet! Kesmet: Huh? Dwardazik: Get over here! (He does.) It's time... to celebrate a successful adventure! Kesmet: You and Grogery almost died. Twice. Dwardazik: Yeah? And? Marvin: I'm glad you're in good spirits. You're right, let's enjoy ourselves a little while we can. Dwardazik, turning to him: Yeah, but you're buyin' your own! Marvin: That's fine... Dwardazik: You passed on that wine. Your fault, not mine. The ale comes back. Dwardazik: Kesmet! Cheers to us, for surviving, and kicking some damn ass! Kesmet: I'll cheers to that... can't fucking die before we face off against Dennis. I need to kill him first!Dwardazik chugs the entire mug in one go, (Constitution Save 25) without any problems whatsoever. Kesmet tries the same, and (Constitution Save 13) though it's not as clean, he can still technically finish the mug too.
Dwardazik: Hey, Grogs! Marv! Marvin: Fine, I'll get one too... Sonny! Dwardazik: And get me another one too! Grogery: Well, my liver's been shocked, acidified, and bruised by Kesmet's body. I think it's gone through enough today. Dwardazik, leaning in to whisper: Hey, uh, Grog... do you think we should get a, I dunno, a... water?... for Dazki, or somethin'? Dazki, from his own table across the room: I can hear you, you know. Dwardazik, continuing to whisper: Yeah, yeah, you can hear me because you can hear everything in the inn! Dazki: I'm just going to have some tea. Are you feeling all right, Dwardazik? Dwardazik: Never been better! Just another day in the life of an adventurer, right? Dazki, stammering: I... it... you... it seems unusual, to me, that nearly dying would put you in such a good mood. Dwardazik: What do you mean? I can't die, I've got Grogery here! Marvin:Dwardazik chugs it. (Constitution Save 11) It doesn't go as well this time. Marvin also chugs one, (Constitution Save 20) no problem.Dazki: I'm gonna have to go ahead and argue with that... Grogery: Might not be here forever, we work in a dangerous line, and you guys almost did lose me today. Marvin: Yeah, Grogery wasn't the one who saved you this time, Dwardazik. Dwardazik: It's true! I've got all of you guys! And as long as we're all here together — (He holds up the new mug of ale that he now has) — there's nothing that can stop us!
Dazki: Grogery, do you think Dwardazik is actually all right? Dwardazik: You know I can hear you. Dazki: All right, Dwardazik. Are you actually all right? Dwardazik: Didn't you hear me? I'm doin' just fine! Dazki: Yeah, I'm just still concerned about you, my friend. Dwardazik: Oh, you're concerned about me? Dazki: Of course I am! Marvin: Yeah, you've had a lot of ups and downs lately, but it is nice to see you on the up-side right now. Dwardazik: Well, I mean, what can I say? We just had a really good fight, right? We fucking kicked some ass. We're all back here. You never know when we won't come back! Marvin: True, now that we're all back here OK, you're right. That was... it was scary, but hell yeah, we did it! Dwardazik: And that's all there needs to be! Doesn't need to be more complicated than that. Besides, I'm doin' OK. Dazki: All right. If you say so.They discuss their strategy a little, for how to handle the meeting with The Hounds Guild representatives.
Marvin: So what even was the deal? I assume there was some transaction that Grimes had been prepping with them. Dazki: It sounded like he would bring them the sharp sugar and the dragonbark, he becomes a member of the guild, and they teach him how to control the inner werewolf. Marvin: Oh, that part I'm not going to be able to fake! Dwardazik: You sure about that? Kesmet: 5 gold says they just try to kill him — fake-Grimes him — after they get their valuable tree bark bullshit. Barry: Yeah, no, wait-wait! They're just gonna kill you anyways, 'cause you failed your (fake) mission! Dwardazik: Wait. What? Dazki: Oh! That's right, 'cause Grimes was supposed to — Marvin: ...Grimes was the assassin... but they don't know that? Kesmet: We just tell 'em that everything was a success! What was the mission, exactly? Grogery: It was to kill Kiirni. Kesmet: Yeah, we just tell 'em "yeah, no, we totally got her!" Marvin: Unless Kiirni's an idiot and somehow got herself spotted, they have no reason to suspect that Grimes was unsuccessful. Barry: I mean, trust me, you ALWAYS need proof. No proof, no pay. Dwardazik: OK, I'm gonna play Devil's Minion and say... what if we just interrogate them? Barry: What if we make somebody else look like the little lady? Dazki: That's a very good idea! Someone who has a Hat of Disguise? Barry: Nope! Never mind! (His head snaps in some random direction, and he starts yelling:) What was that? I'll be right there! Marvin: And they wanted her dead, they didn't want her captured. Dwardazik: You know what, Barry? (He squints a little.) Nah, even you aren't that ugly. Grogery: So, there's very little chance, even if Grem were able to kill Kiirni, that he would be able to just walk off the boat with her body. Marvin: Yeah... Barry: It's enough to cut ears or something. It's easy. Gettin' trophies from a corpse is easy, killin' 'em is the hard part! Dazki: You're not wrong... Grogery: So we could theoretically fashion a piece of flesh to look like an ear or something? Marvin: From a drow? Dwardazik suddenly turns to face the nearest table behind him. Dwardazik, sternly: Hey! Stop listening! Dazki: So, Grogery, here's a question. Can you grow ears, or anything like that, back? I know you said it took some powerful magic... Grogery: It takes Isaiah Loprair levels of magic, and I'm not quite there yet. Dwardazik: We ARE NOT taking an ear from our lad. Kesmet: We can probably sculpt one and then Prestidigitation it so it feels like a real ear. Dwardazik: I dunno, aren't you a magician over there with all your tricks? Grogery: OK, here's a question. If somebody has a disguise kit, would they have pieces to make an ear look like an elven ear? Marvin: Yes. My disguise kit has some things, I might be able to pull that off. Grogery: So, now we just need any old ear. Or something that looks like one. Dwardazik: Hey, Sonny! Sonny, bounding over: Hello! Dwardazik: 'nother ale. Sonny: How many ale? Dwardazik: One. Sonny: One ale.Sonny bounds off and bounds back again with another ale. Dwardazik (Constitution Save 24) chugs it down just fine, and then reaches into his beard to take out 20 copper coins, which he leaves on the table for Sonny.
Marvin: That sounds like not a bad plan, to fashion something from my disguise kit to look like a drow ear. Dazki: And some candle wax, some paint, and any prosthetics you may have. Grogery: Maybe we can ask the kitchen if there's some pork or something we can use? Marvin: Yeah, actually, there's got to be a butcher. Just to start a nice solid base of an ear, we could cut off a pig's ear, and then I could doll it up a bit. At least to have a foundation to add everything onto. Dazki: Sounds good to me. Marvin: Hey, Sonny! Sonny: Hello. Marvin: Does the town have a butcher? You know, a guy who cuts all the meat? Sonny: Yeah, we can butcher meat. Do you have the meat? Marvin: No, I don't have the meat. I'm wondering if you have the meat? Do you have, like, a whole pig that hasn't been tossed out yet? Like, the head? Grogery: Or maybe just some scraps? We're looking for pieces for... a thing. Dazki: It's an arts and crafts project. Marvin: Yeah. Sonny: Arts and crafts? Dwardazik, pointing to his ears: It's the ears. Got any ears back there? Sonny: ...ears? Marvin: Yeah, is there a butcher who has, like, you hang up the animal and butcher it? Is there anything like that back there? Kesmet: I think Momma might be the butcher in this town... she's everything in this town... Sonny: Uhh... ... ...like alligators? Dazki: Do you have anything more like a pig, or a cow, or a sheep or something? Sonny: Where do you put those? Dazki: ...right... Marvin: Where's Momma? Do you know when Momma's getting back? Sonny: Momma's tired. Marvin: That's OK, we can figure this out in the morning. Sonny: I have snakes? Marvin: That... no. Dwardazik: Hey, Sonny! Do you want to give me a tour, of the back kitchen area? Sonny: I'm not supposed to... Dwardazik: But we're friends, right? I mean you gave me somuchale I mean Ican'tevensay I mean thesealesare great! C'mooooooooooooooooon, don't be a Momma, Sonny! (Persuasion 5) Sonny just stands there for a while, eyes glazed over, trying to think about the situation. Dwardazik: Eh? Eh? Wanna show me the thing in the back, like we said you would do? Sonny: No. Dwardazik: Bah! Whatever. Sonny: I like Momma more than I like you, and Momma says no. Dwardazik: Rrrrgh... Grogery: We're also out-of-town colonists who have a lot of money to spend. We'll probably pay too much for whatever interesting scraps you're willing to give us? (Persuasion 17) Dazki: We'll just see what we can get in the morning. We'll have plenty of time on the toads to fashion it. Kesmet: Yeah, we'll have all day. We might even be able to catch some sort of creature... ahh, crap, I wonder if we could've peeled something off the catfish. Marvin: Awwww... Dazki: Well, hey, who knows! There might be some wildlife we can catch.They discuss a snag in their plan: Marvin can craft a quick-change disguise to make him look like Grem, but it takes 8 hours to set up, meaning that he won't be able to drive the toad if he needs to craft it on the road.
Night
First Watch: Kesmet
(Perception 4) Kesmet using Minor Illusion to act out a scene between Sonny and Momma, practicing their voices. He gets a little too into it. Nothing of interest happens during this watch.Second Watch: Dwardazik
Dwardazik sits on the edge of the bed, mace and shield out. (Perception 11) Dwardazik hears Sonny bounding around downstairs, doing chores. He goes to fetch Dazki.Dazki: Hey, before you go to sleep, Dwardazik, can I talk to you for a minute? Dwardazik: Ugh... what is it? What do you need? Had a bad dream? Dazki: Elves don't dream. We don't actually sleep. It's kinda weird... I've never really understood what "dreaming" really is, but that's beside the point. What I was going to say is, I'm sorry that we've been butting heads lately. What do you need from me to work past this? Because I still want to get along with you and be able to work well together and be friends, and all that. What can I do to help make that more reasonable? Dwardazik: Stop treating yourself like you're unimportant. That would be a start. Other than that, meh, I've had nastier clan brothers. Dazki: I don't understand what you mean, "treating myself like I'm unimportant"? Dwardazik: You have such a weird look on things. It's so alien... I mean, from my perspective. I don't know where you grew up — well, you say you grew up a noble and whatnot, and elves, their whole society, whatever — but where I come from, the family sticks together. Everything is done together. You live together, you die together, you survive together. You have a lot of respect for each person's contribution. Dwardazik (cont'd): And it just hurts me to see someone like you, who's got talent at doin' things, and you seem like you don't have much respect or appreciation for your own skills or what you do! And it kinda rubs me the wrong way! It's like seeing someone, for example, making a really pretty gem, spending weeks on it — everyone appreciates it, everyone thinks it's beautiful — and then you saying "naw, it's not really that great", or "eh, it's OK". I mean, it's not exactly that, it's just your attitude, all right? Your attitude on life. Dazki: Let me kind of explain it to you a little bit, then. The way elven nobility works. I am the fourth child — the third son — of my family, all right? The first son inherits most of the things, split usually between the first son and the daughter who gets married off. The second son is kind-of a backup in case something happens to the first child. The third one is... considerably less important. I was expected to be a priest or a scholar or something, and I didn't really have any desire or want to do that. Dazki (cont'd): So, I'm the disappointment of the family. Instead of doing what I was expected to do, I went out and gambled, hung out with the "dregs" of society. So, my parents never expected much of me, and even still, I never failed to disappoint. So yeah, I've got some confidence issues, but it is what it is. And honestly, I'm happy with who I am. I don't want to change any of that. I just, I guess... still working through some things, y'know? Dwardazik: I'm not asking you to change entirely. I'm just asking you to maybe trust some people a little bit more. ... ... eh, maybe not, you know... nah, no, I kinda like that about you. Don't lose that rough side. We wouldn't be interesting clanmates if it was otherwise. Dazki: All right, well, just wanted to let you know that I want to make sure that things still work out as friends, and everything like that. I do respect you and appreciate your contributions. Dwardazik: It's gonna take more than that to get rid of me. We're in this for the damn long haul. Even though, at times, your "elf" shows. Dazki: Yeah, well, I can tell you right now, you'd be kicked out of most places I would go back home. Dwardazik: If I had a glass or a mug, I'd toast you to that. Dazki: All right, get some sleep. Dwardazik: Don't need to tell me again.
Third Watch: Dazki
(Perception 26) The first hour goes off without a hitch. You spend the time quietly reflecting, amongst the peaceful croaks of the frogs. You have to swat away a bug here and there, but it's not anything you wouldn't have to deal with back home anyway.
When suddenly, there's the sound of something large and wooden — perhaps a barrel or a crate — hitting the ground, down in the tavern below. A disturbance. Shortly after that, you start to hear sounds of something rifling through bottles, with faint high-pitched yelling in a language you don't know.
Dazki quickly wakes everyone up, letting them know that shit's going down.
Oh Snap! (And Crackle. And Pop)
Dwardazik immediately starts putting on his armor.Dazki: I don't know that you're going to have the time to get in the full suit of armor, Dwardazik. Dwardazik: I'm tryin'... ... — OK, fuck it. Dazki: I'll blow the whistle if there's a problem.Dazki heads downstairs, (Stealth 22) stealthily.
There's an obvious disturbance. Sonny seems to have dropped a bucket and a mop, and water has gone everywhere. He's being held at gunpoint by a goblin wielding a pistol, wearing nothing but a metal hat an a holster for his gun. No other clothes or anything.
Two other goblins are behind the bar — opening various bottles, smelling them, tossing them aside. One of them is wearing a shark carcass as a hat, and the other one is wearing a nice, strangely well-kept yellow robe. It's a stick-up.
Combat Summary
- Dazki immediately moved to the door to block the other goblins from exiting and tried (unsuccessfully) to intimidate them into surrendering.
- Marvin disabled one of the others by using a Hold Person spell, which he kept up for a while.
- Grogery stabilized the goblin whom Dazki had shot, and he tried asking the others what was going on, with his limited Goblin-language skills.
- Kesmet menacingly stood on the bar and — with a speech about interrupting his hunt for Dennis — surrounded the bar with massive (illusory) walls of fire.
Momma: What the heck is causin' all this racket down here?! Get rid of these illusory fires! We don't got time for this shit! You know what time it is?! Momma needs her beauty rest! Dazki: Eh... sorry about that... some goblins came in, tried to steal some of your stuff. Dwardazik: Hey! We're gonna get paid for acting as security, right? Dazki: We're not charging for this, Dwardazik. Dwardazik: I'll take a free ale. (He turns to the one goblin still conscious who isn't still being held by Marvin.) Hey, Goblin. If you've got any weapons on ya, throw 'em on the ground now. You're lucky you ain't dead. Grogery: So... are we taking these guys prisoner, or...? Marvin: Yeah, what's the normal process here? Dazki: I think we do whatever Momma says. Her place, her town, her call. Also, the one I shot, are they OK? Grogery: Yeah, they're fine. Dazki: All right, good. Marvin: You describe that as "fine"?! Grogery: OK, they're "not dying". Dazki: Sorry, I'm used to shooting at the big monsters that we've been fighting lately. I didn't think to hold back. Dwardazik: Hey, dumbass goblins. I'm just saying if you do anything stupid, you'll be punched.
Momma surveils the situation, overly annoyed at her lack of rest. Sonny comes bounding back in with his bucket of water and dumps it all over the floor where the "fire" was, but is not anymore.
Sonny: I did it! Marvin: He's a precious boy... Marvin: You did it! Kesmet: Yes, Sonny, you did. Momma, making a face: You guys deal with this situation. (She goes back upstairs.) Dwardazik: Hey, goblins, you speak Common? The goblins chat amongst themselves, uttering words that Grogery hears as "scary man", etc. Dwardazik: Look, I don't know why you broke in here, I don't know what you're doing besides stealing something — maybe you want a bite to eat — but you picked the wrong place to raid. Look, I don't care right now. If you tell your goblin folk not to come back, I think we'll all agree that you can just skedaddle out of here and never show your fuckin' faces here again. Marvin: I'm OK with that. Dazki: Yeah. Grogery: I think you guys need to recognize that we have a bit of a resource here right now: a group of non-"colonists" who can maybe give us some information about the surrounding area. Marvin: Oh? Kesmet: Perhaps even "donate" some body parts. Dazki: That's going too far! Dwardazik: Welllllllllllll... Dazki: Nope. We're not mutilating anyone. Grogery: Not mutilating, but if they just happen to have an ear on them? Dwardazik: No, no, no. How about we teach 'em a little bit of good old "colonial" civilization! (He stands up and walks towards them.) You ever heard of "trading"? If you give us some information about the surrounding countryside — and if it's valuable! — and you're not lying! — we'll think about giving you something to eat, so you can take it on back. Sound like a fair trade? And remember next time that it's better to trade than to steal.One of them starts snarling and growling at Dwardazik as he approaches. The dwarf immediately punches him without hesitation. Marvin casts Comprehend Languages. The goblin retaliates by biting him.
Grogery: Hey-hey-hey-hey! (He turns to the goblins and starts trying to speak Goblinese) You're going to have to go slow, because I'm dumb, but my friends and I are new here. What are you even doing here?
The goblins have a sidebar amongst themselves, rattling off sentences at rapid speed. Grogery picks out words like "chief", "power", and "outsider". Marvin understands exactly what they're saying, but he keeps it to himself. They turn their attention back, and the smarter-looking one of the two still-conscious goblins — which is the one who is not wearing a shark — attempts to bow to Grogery.
Grogery: Um... thanks? Would you mind answering my question? What are you even doing here?
He holds up the bottle of clear spirits and says something. Grogery hears the goblin words for "alcohol", "heirloom", and "brother".
Dwardazik: Ugh. I thought they could speak Common. Marvin: Honestly, Dwardazik, it sounds like he has a lot in common with you! He just said he's here for the alcohol! Kesmet: Do you need some healing, Dwardazik? Dwardazik: Yeah, I could use some healing! But listen, just watch 'im, OK? Grogery: We're newcomers here. We have lots of gold. Give us some information, and you can take whatever you want from the bar. Goblins, asking roughly: If you let us go, do we follow? Do you follow us? How's this going to work? Grogery: If we let you go, we're not going to follow you. But you should probably stay away from this place, or what happened tonight might happen again, but with much more violent consequences. Editor's note: now that Marvin can officially Comprehend what they're saying, see tooltips for what Marvin actually hears. A goblin: You're a powerful chief. Grogery: Uh, yes. Powerful. A goblin: We take these ingredients, but we still owe you. Grogery: Ingredients for what? A goblin: Brother likes it. Grogery: Does your brother just want the drink, or is he using it for something? Smarter-looking one to shark-wearer: Don't speak about brother! Grogery: I'm a pretty powerful chief, I'm going to find out about it one way or another. A goblin: Prove it. Grogery: I saved your friend from dying, didn't I?
The goblins both look at him for a while, unsure. One kicks him in the side to see if anything happens. It doesn't.
Grogery rolls his eyes and casts a bit of healing magic to wake up the unconscious one.
The gunwielding goblin springs up, ready for a fight.
Gunblin: Ow. Dwardazik: Ugh, I didn't think there'd be such a language barrier! Dazki: I think you can probably head back to bed, Dwardazik. We've probably got this. Dwardazik: Absolutely not! ...but I will be heading back to bed soon. If you can't get any information out of these goblins, maybe just send 'em back or something? Let's not drag this out. Grogery: I am getting information out of them, actually. Dwardazik: Oh. Really? Grogery: Yeah. We're negotiating, why did you think I healed that guy? Dwardazik: I just thought you were doing That Grogery Thing™. Healing the enemy, you know? Because you're, like... righteous. And holy. And a good goblin. Marvin: "The enemy"? They're not threatening us right now. A goblin: Oops. We stay the evening? Grogery: That depends. Where are you going tomorrow? A goblin: Don't know. Where are you heading? Grogery: Well, we have a meeting with the Hounds Guild in a few days. Do you know about them? A goblin: Nah. Whodat? Grogery: Werewolves. There are some people who were hired by the Cobralek. We're supposed to meet with them a few days' travel from here. (The other goblins seem taken aback at the mention of that name.) Not on friendly terms! A goblin: What about these guys? Trustworthy? Supplies? Grogery: They're trustworthy. A goblin: "Trustworthy", how? They colonists, you powerful chief. Grogery: We're a bit of a tribe with each other, actually. We work together. We specialize in different things so that we all can succeed. A goblin: Perfect! Grogery: How so? A goblin: Where you goin' tomorrow? Grogery: (Gives the information that they know.) Also, Marvin, can you translate what they're saying? Marvin: Sure. A goblin: OK, then we are also going there. Marvin: Why exactly do they want to come along, now? Grogery translates in that direction, which I will just assume is a thing that keeps happening so I can just type the rest of this out like a normal conversation. A goblin: You are a powerful chief, head of a powerful tribe. Grogery: It's a pretty small tribe. A goblin: It's less small now. Grogery: We are from very, very far away. A goblin: We will serve you. We can travel very well. We know the swamp. Marvin: Holy shit, guys, Grogery's got minions! Dwardazik: "Minions" or "allies"? Was that a mistranslation? Marvin: "Followers", whatever you wanna call it. A goblin: You wish to travel all the way to Igo's Altar, then? Dwardazik: As long as they're cooperating, I guess. (He sheathes his weapons.) Grogery: It seems that way, yes. A goblin: All of those stone birds are there. Grogery: "Stone birds"? A goblin: We steal eggs from time to time. They are quite delicious — especially when sautéed in the midday sun! Grogery: Oh, roc, maybe. Dazki: Gargoyles? ...yeah, maybe rocs. Dwardazik: Sorry for interrupting, everyone, but if we're going to have negotiations, then maybe we could sit around a table like normal civilized folk, instead of behind these benches? A goblin: No! We need to rest now. The chief must travel early in the morning. He mustn't be late! Marvin: Oh, hey, Grogery, tell them that your god should become their god as well. Something like that, right? Convert them! Dwardazik: I don't know what's going on... Grogery, just back to Marvin: I'll work on some stuff! A goblin: We will go get our things, and we will sleep with you for the evening!
(Insight 17) The goblins genuinely seem to think that Grogery leads a powerful tribe, and therefore they are not going to do anything to mess with this new arrangement that they believe they have. They seem like fairly young goblins, rather naïve, with no authority figure among them. So when two of them leave to go "get their things", Grogery believes that there is no reason to stop them.
Marvin: Oh, damn! I didn't think it was gonna be that! They just said they want to "sleep with" Grogery! Grogery: It's different in Goblinese! Stop phrasing it like that! (He proceeds to bring the rest of the group up to speed about what's happened so far.) Dwardazik: You think that's really OK? Grogery: Well, we'll have the best guide we can get to where we need to go. Dwardazik: Yeah, but I mean, you're not gonna be able to act as their leader, you know? Unless they're coming with us? Grogery: We'll see how long they want to come with us. Dwardazik: Look, all I'm saying is — before I hit the hay and have to start worryin' about being stabbed in the back — I would just be careful about leading 'em on, all right? I know you have good intentions, but I don't know if we can really handle having people come along. Grogery: I'm gonna give 'em lots of exit points if they really don't want to come with us. Dwardazik: You might need to be a little more forceful than that, but I trust you, Grogery. 'cause I don't know what the fuck they're even saying.
It's not long before the two beefier goblins come in, each carrying a side of an old steamer trunk, like what you would bring along as luggage onto a boat or a train. The two leather belts holding everything closed, one goblin on each side. They attempt to introduce themselves in Common, to the best of their ability.
The one wearing the shark carcass climbs onto the luggage and, still holding some of the equipment that he stole, snaps a mop in half and says: "SNAP!".
The smarter-looking one, wearing the well-kept robes and carrying a book, tears a page out of the book and produces flame, lighting it ablaze, shouting: "CRACKLE!". This catches part of his ear on fire, but he quickly puts it out. It's fine, nobody got hurt.
The third one, with the pistol, disappears out of sight. He blinks on top of the crate in a puff of gray fog. As he appears, he utters: "POP!". He points his pistol towards the party, which is the first opportunity that they have to see: the pistol is completely busted. There's no way it could ever fire, it's missing so many pieces. There's a big hole in the bottom of the barrel and everything.
Dwardazik: All right, Snap. Crackle. Pop. Name's Dwardazik Stoneturner Boulderhearth. Be good and listen to Grogery over here. I'm goin' back to bed. He leaves, and Kesmet follows. Grogery, in Goblinese: Non-goblins tend to have really long names. You can call him Dwardazik. I'm Grogery. Snap + Crackle + Pop, in unison as they bow: Grogery! Dazki, pointing to himself: Dazki. Marvin, pointing to himself with two thumbs: Marvin. Grogery: The fire guy is Kesmet. I need to finish my sleep, so, Dazki's in charge while I'm asleep. Dazki: I will be up to wake you up shortly, "mighty chief". Grogery: Thank you.Dazki bows to Grogery as he goes upstairs, and Dazki finishes off his watch to wake Grogery for his watch.
Crackle spends some time looking at his spellbook while Grogery does his morning rituals.
Grogery: So, what kind of magic caster are you? Crackle gets excited, his hands crackling with lightning. Grogery: So you get your magic by studying from a book? Crackle nods excitedly. He definitely gets his magic by studying from this book. Yup. Grogery: I get my power by worshiping my god Pelor. He provides me with the magic I need to be able to heal my tribe and keep them healthy, as well as eliminate dark places, making food, and some other things. Crackle: ...FOOD?! Grogery: Yeah, when you worship a god hard enough and become strong enough that way, you can make food sometimes.
Crackle tears a page out of his journal, crumples it into a ball, and then makes it appear to be half of a pig. Yeah, half a pig seems good. That ball of paper is now half of a pig.
Grogery waves a hand through it. It's an illusion.
Grogery: No, like, real food. I can make real food. You'll see in the morning, once everyone else has woken up. Crackle: No, is real! Watch, I eat!
Crackle eats the half-pig. And the paper ball too, but who's counting. Upon seeing Crackle eat half a pig, Snap gets really mad, and they get into an argument, really getting into it, to the point where Crackle starts to also believe that there was half a pig.
