Chapter 2: Kira Prose in Veron | World Anvil
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Chapter 2: Kira

Kira woke. She was looking up at the high, decorated ceiling of her own private chateau.   Almost immediately Kira threw off her crimson silk sheets and began to prepare for the day. She went to her personal bathroom and took a shower, then immediately grabbed a hairbrush and efficiently groomed every last inch of her pure white fur from the tips of her ears to her long feet. Afterwards Kira opened a drawer and took out an elaborate cape and pinned it around her neck. The entire process, from washing to dressing, only took a few minutes. Kira hated this whole process, but she had learned long ago what people wanted from her; Steward of the White City was a serious title, but she had to look pretty for the bureaucrats.   Just as she was finishing her daily routine, an attendant entered. She was a scrawny golden-brown mouse dressed in a simple white dress and shoes; standard servant's garb among Kira's staff. She seemed quite surprised that Kira was already awake.   "M-milady, you're up. You should have called-"   Kira had little patience for stuttering and mumbling. She interrupted her servant as she was going out the door. "You must be new here, so I won't have you discharged, but in the future you will do something more productive with your mornings than pampering me." The door slammed a bit harder than Kira would have liked and her serving mouse was left flustered and confused.   As Kira strode through the halls of her chateau, her butler, a black rat in pompous clothing, spotted her and made a beeline. "Miss, you have a pending video conference in room one from the emperor's agent. When shall I say you will attend?"   Kira expertly held back her frustration. Now was not a time she wanted to spend be kissing her superior's feet, but it was best not to keep them waiting. "I'll take it now." she said. "I'll also be taking my breakfast in the carriage afterwards. arrange it, will you?" it wasn't a question.   "Yes milady." The black rat said resignedly.   Kira, never breaking stride during the entire exchange, took a turn into a small black room dominated on the far side by a video screen and otherwise adorned only by a small black desk and a chair. The desk's smooth electronic surface displayed a small, teal, pulsating circle, which Kira swiped towards the video screen, causing it to disappear off the edge of the desk before the image of a well-dressed figure appeared on the wall.   "Greetings." Kira said, maintaining an expression she had developed over years to be almost completely neutral. "To what do I owe the honor of your call?"   "Greetings." said the creature on the other side of the screen. "I am disturbed to hear that your management has misplaced a portion of your allotted power cores."   Ah. that was the reason one of the emperor's agents was calling. Earier in the month Kira had sent a report to central command detailing the theft of several-hundred power cores, a rare commodity that was illegal to manufacture anywhere but in the capital city, due to it's military, and potentially terrorist, applications.   "I have ensured that this sort of breach in security will never happen again." Kira apologized. "All guards who were on duty on the night in question have been discharged and I have doubled our security measures. The remaining power cores are safe, I assure you."   "See that they are." said the agent, not needing to detail his threat further. "As for your request for replacements, We can only spare half the number of cores that were stolen. If you require more, the emperor suggests that you find the criminals responsible for the theft."   Kira highly doubted that the Capital city was running low on power cores in any stretch of the imagination, but this was more likely the emperor's way of slapping her on the wrist for allowing the theft to happen in the first place.   "I shall endeavor to do so, esteemed one. Enforcement is scouring the city as we speak."   At this, the figure on the screen seemed only mildly satisfied. He straightened somewhat and fixed Kira with hardened stare. "Duchess; has it occurred to you that this act may be indicative of a larger movement than the actions of a few individuals?"   Kira was slightly taken aback by the agent's question and crafted her next words very carefully. "Are you saying that the White City is home to seditionists, esteemed one?"   "That is precisely what the emperor fears, young one. See that you double your search efforts as well as your security. We would hate to have the need to involve the Imperial Guard in matters that are beneath them."   The image on the screen put forth his paw, swiping to the side in a movement that ended the call. Kira maintained her expression for just a few moments longer before striding out of the room with a sour look on her face.   "Is the carriage ready?" Kira demanded when she found her butler again.   "Yes, mi'lady." He responded, straightening. "I assume you wish to be driven to the company building?"   "Yes, Simon." She responded annoyedly. "In the meantime you may tell our new servants what they may do with their time that does not involve getting on my nerves."   As Kira climbed into the hover carriage and the door shut behind her, she took a deep breath and let it out. Politics were exhausting. She'd much rather spend all of her time on what really mattered: Science; Invention; Tinkering. Of course the pain was necessary; It was Kira's job to protect the people of the White City and she was going to do it. That part of the day, however, was gone, and only her work stood ahead of her now.   The hover carriage took Kira into the city's industrial district and to the front a large glass and steel building labeled Simply 'KiCorp'. As Kira entered, she was greeted by a graying bunny wearing an industrial lab coat.   "Good morning, Kira." He said, walking with her.   "Has the archaeology expedition returned, professor?" Kira asked impatiently.   "Yes, miss." He responded. "And with a rather interesting piece. It's currently being examined in lab four, if you'd like to observe."   "Thank you, professor. I would."   The two walked in silence for a few moments before the professor ventured toward another subject. "Duchess, the objects you gave me a week ago... are you certain you wish to have me study them? It would start us down a very dangerous path."   Kira thought very carefully about her answer. The professor didn't seem to be completely against what she had asked him, only cautious of some ramifications of their actions. Kira kept her voice low so only the professor could hear. "If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't have asked. I do appreciate your concern, but I will need those results as soon as you can get them."   The professor gravely nodded and gestured toward the door that led to lab four. Kira opened it and stepped inside.   Lab four was a high-ceilinged room with bare reinforced metal walls. A few lab-coated archaeologists were circled around a large cylindrical object that was made from a very dark green metal. Standing on end as it was now, it was half again as tall as Kira.   The other lab coats parted as Kira approached. "Well what have we here?" she mused to herself as she inspected the device. Near each end there was a row of round, glowing... buttons? Indicator lights? Kira wasn't sure. That's what Kira loved about this job; you never quite knew what you had in front of you. The fun was in discovering it.   "I'll need my interface." Kira said. The head professor was already holding a contraption out to her. Kira looped a band over her ears and around her head. as she did, she felt a tingling sensation in the back of her brain as the diodes activated. Connected to the headband by a cord was a small loop that Kira slipped her paw into snugly. A block of electronics on top of her paw began working, the noise of a small cooling fan attesting to it's operation. Kira closed her eyes, reached out her paw, and concentrated.   With her mind, Kira searched the inside of the container. She was looking for a... bump? blip? It was difficult to describe how Kira would feel it, but what it was in reality was an interface designed only to be activated by creatures with psionic abilities. At length she found the presence she was looking for and gently... nudged it.   A deafening roar suddenly filled the room as air began to rush into the top of the container. Kira opened her eyes just in time to see the flow stop and the reverse, blowing the top off of the container and sending shrapnel bouncing off the ceiling and flying everywhere in the room. Kira and the scientists tried to take cover, some of them making it to the door before another round of shrapnel, this time made from the container walls, flew outward. Kira managed to go unscathed by taking cover behind a upturned table, but the professor she had come in with took a large tomahawk-like piece of metal to the knee.   a pure black object jetted straight upward from the container's former location, and the last thing Kira heard before it disappeared through a blasted hole in the roof was; "HEHEHEEEEEEE! Look at me! I'm FREEEEEEEEE!"

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Comments

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Aug 23, 2019 13:56 by Jimmy Shrekson

I'm no fan of furry heretical worthy-of-death kill-them-all scum buuut I'll admit this was a good read.

Aug 24, 2019 05:26

Glad you liked it. To whom exactly are you referring? (;

Aug 24, 2019 15:18 by Jimmy Shrekson

Why, the scum that arise from animals daring to think they can stand on 2 legs and speak (parrots are allowed to be an exception to this) known as fursonas. Furries in particular are the scum who choose to become fursonas through use of suits, which for their sake should be bullet-proofed. As far as I'm concerned the will of the God-Man-Godly-Man-Manly-God-Godly-God-Manly-Man Emperor of Man should be carried out through exterminatus on such beings. *breaths* F O R T H E E M P E R O R !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aug 24, 2019 16:45

LOL. well you can relax I'm not a furry I'm just weird and wanted to write a book about bunnies with space magic.

May 2, 2020 23:44 by R. Dylon Elder

Helllo again! Ok part two is a go.     So to start   "She went to her personal bathroom and took a shower, then immediately grabbed a hairbrush and efficiently groomed every last inch of her pure white fur from the tips of her ears to her long feet."   This is one of those super complex and long sentences, much like the one I'm writing at this very moment, where there are alot of words and sometimes it can get confusing when a reader is following along, which is exactly what happened when I read it.   Now complex sentences are not a bad thing, doooooo it, but I would definitely shorten tbis to two complex senteces. The leangth is what confused me. I was expecting a pause and then it just keeps going, *insert duracell bunny joke here*   Not a huge deal, but wanted to point it out, on to the next.   ";Steward of the White City was a serious title, but she had to look pretty for the bureaucrats" So first off is the semicolon. Idk if its supposed to be semicolon or just a colon, as you are having a seperaaate thought but it could also an answer to the question or an explanation of what is presented in the sentence before the colon. Not sure on that so I decided to include it. The thing I really wanted to point out is the use of "but" which, while it works just fine, seemed out of place for me. It could just be where I live and how structure our words around here. I interpreted it as, "because I have a serious title, I must look pretty..." but what this sentence is saying (based on my reading of it that is) is "I have a serious title.... why do I have to look pretty.. oh... beurocrats and their stupid rules." I really that made sense. I don't know how to put it any other way. Essentially I thing replacing "but" with "and" would be a good suggestion. Lol   Now, I spent WAY to much time focusing on that little detail. That's a good thing. it shows I have to try harder and find ways to improve the work (which is to me what a good critique and comment should do)     Now this is just a fancy thing to add more punch to a sentence. I noticed a lot of passive voicing here and in the previous chapter. Now, everyone does it (I happen to be a capital offender) but if you go through and edit this one day, consider removing passive voice. Things like was, were, is, could, would, have, and such. Basically these words are passive, when they could be active, punching the reader and threatening to do it again if they don't continue to the next sentence. Take this section:   "Just as she was finishing her daily routine, an attendant entered. She was a scrawny golden-brown mouse dressed in a simple white dress and shoes; standard servant's garb among Kira's staff"   So here we have two cases of "was" and we can spice it up a tad. This is just one example if you even want to change it in the first place:     "Just as she was finished her daily routine, a scrawny, golden-brown mouse entered the room. She wore the standard servant's garb of Kira's staff: a simple white dress and shoes..." Now I didn't change much. It says the same thing, but (for my silly american brain) it begs to be read, and pulls the reader along if that makes sense. Not required, nor is it an error. Just a cool little trick and idea should you return to make some changes later. :)     "carriage afterwards. arrange it, will you?" it wasn't a question." Ooooof that saws though. love that little glimpse into keiras mind. A simple statement of fact that this was merely a polite command. Lol   "Yes milady." The black rat said resignedly So it comes to this. I must talk about those dreaded adverbs, the -ly words. I don't remember seeing any before have so I'm not gonna say its a problem, an error, or something that may be changed. Some will, but I have misgivings when it comes to banning, you know, an entire branch of the English language :/ Normally, you'd want to avoid adverbs, but sometimes they can be great in moderation. The rat isn't that important, so how he does something isn't crucial. This is good.     Ooooo ok so this right here: "Kira, never breaking stride during the entire exchange, took a turn into a small black room dominated on the far side by a video screen and otherwise adorned only by a small black desk and a chair." Is a perfect example of a long complex sentence done right, AND its alll active voicing. Well done there.     " a pure black object jetted straight upward from the container's former location, and the last thing Kira heard before it disappeared through a blasted hole in the roof was; "HEHEHEEEEEEE! Look at me! I'm FREEEEEEEEE!" .excellent way to end a chapter: the cliffhhanger. It makes me want to continue, sad that i can't due to having kids and being dinner time XD. It builds intrigue. Again, well done!     So this is a new character that is introduced fairly well. we don't much about her, but her manners and the direction of the plot clearly show much about who she is. This is excellent! I shall now open a tab for section three to continue. I may have been a little too picky with this one, but that's because it was already good from the get go, and it gets harder to try and find ways to improve a piece that already good. The goal becomes less about finding errors and more about "How can I make it even better?"   Great job!

May 3, 2020 03:24

Oh! so THAT's what passive voice is! I get it! I'll keep an eye out for that in my proofreading.   I'm glad you feel this character was introduced well! She's kind of important, like a second main character to the story.   The bit about "Steward of the White City was a serious title, but she had to look pretty for the bureaucrats". I guess I was trying to write it how Kira felt it. I might need to explain that, to her, this is ridiculous. maybe I could say it more like "but she had to get all frilled out like a peacock just to be taken seriously by the bureaucrats." Or I could just switch it to an 'and' like you suggest. that works too.

May 3, 2020 07:37 by R. Dylon Elder

YUP! passive voice is complicated. its like a reciting an event as opposed to narrating it.   OOOOO interesting. gonnna keep tabs on her then!   I figured that was what you were going for. I would go for the way youre wanting as it helps define the character and her feelings, which is more important always.