Chapter 1: the Seer
Paradox woke lying face-up on his cot towards the corrugated tin roof of his shack. It was a hot morning and the ramshackle building around him did very little to dissuade the sun.
Paradox wondered what he had just been dreaming about. There must have been something, otherwise why was he so awake so suddenly? But he couldn't think of anything. It must have been the wind outside his window.
Paradox laid on his cot for a while longer, not willing to let himself be active just yet. He was tired; he'd felt that way for days now even though his days didn't require much from him. He only had his plants to take care of, which was easy thanks to Paradox's gifts. Perhaps it was because his days didn't require much of him that he felt so melancholy.
Slowly, ever so slowly, Paradox found the strength to get up. His garden wouldn't tend itself, and today was promising to be a very hot day. The longer Paradox delayed, the longer his plants would have to work in the heat without him. One leg got off the cot, then the other, his hand-paws holding the metallic frame for balance.
Paradox was a very black bunny from his ears, (one of which flopped downward perpetually) all the way down to his long feet. His darkness had no blemish or shading; his coat was one solid color of pure, jet black. So black, in fact, that looking at his face one could swear that he had no features, not even a mouth, save his wide, green eyes. His eyes were the only clue that Paradox was anything other than an inky shadow cast on some wall or other. if one looked closely, one could see that his eyes were not just colored green, but glowing with it like a tiny neon sign.
At length, Paradox began his tour around the room. He started with a stout cactus he kept by his windowsill. It, among all his plants, least needed his help to survive in the harsh environment of the red desert, but it was the closest. As he watered the spiked plant with a small can, he began to imagine the plants around the room talking to him, letting him know what they needed. Shelves of flowers and drawers of roots and mushrooms all called out for help and he, being the gardener here, alleviated their needs one by one. Most times it was water. Sometimes it was fresh soil from the dirt floor, and once Paradox took a young peony from a drawer where he had stowed it, wrapped in blankets, for the cold, desert night. Paradox wasn't a professional horticulturalist; he had no training to speak of and followed the feelings of his heart more than his head; but nobody who saw him take care of his plants could deny that he was a master.
When the last potted customer was taken care of and the shack was silent once more, Paradox went outside. A sparse garden of trees and flowering bushes stood there, waiting patiently. These weren't as pushy as the plants inside; they knew Paradox well enough to trust that he wouldn't let them dry out. Paradox went to a small well and pumped water into a bucket. One by one, though not as quickly, Paradox tended to the needs of his closest friends. After Paradox had watered each tree and bush with several bucketfuls of water, Paradox took a drink for himself.
After a short sit, it was time for breakfast. Paradox approached a small, barren, fruit-bearing tree, scarcely taller than he was, and placed his paw gently on it's trunk. "Hello, friend." he whispered in a voice so low only he could have heard; "Will you help me today?" With that, Paradox let out a little bit of his power.
Green mist, the same color as Paradox's eyes, began to form and swirl around his paw. Slowly the tree absorbed it, taking in the energy and nutrients that Paradox was putting out. Paradox let his power flow into the tree for a few seconds, then moved his paw away from the trunk. On a branch just above Paradox's head was now a plump, green fruit where there had been none before. Paradox plucked it and went to sit next to the shack to enjoy his breakfast.
"Any food to spare for an old traveler?" Said a voice.
Paradox might have jumped higher than any bunny before him, and that was saying something. He looked to see an elderly, brown-cloaked figure sitting on a wide rock. His fur was gray and flecked with silver. he was another bunny, by the looks of his feet. Paradox couldn't see if he had long ears under his cowl.
How long had the elderly bunny been sitting there? Had he seen Paradox using his power just now? Was he here for a witch-hunt? The shadow under the cloak betrayed very little.
Paradox stammered a bit, trying to act definitely not suspicious, and in his mind at least, failing rather spectacularly.
"Um-um-uhh-hel-he-AHEM... ...Hi."
The traveler and Paradox stood in silence for a minute. Paradox wasn't sure what to say. He finally realized what the traveler had asked for in the first place.
"Oh! food! er..." Paradox looked at the fruit in his hand. He only had the one, and he couldn't grow another; not with the stranger watching. Paradox was hungry, but he could at least wait until the stranger went his way.
Paradox held the fruit towards the elderly bunny. As the stranger took it, Paradox retracted a bit faster than he should have, just in case this stranger bit. The old bunny took it gratefully, and the only biting that took place was into the fruit.
As Paradox watched the stranger eat somewhat ravenously, he noticed that the elderly bunny wore a curious medallion on a loop around his neck. It was a very simple piece; the center was a solid sheet of bronze metal that had been cut into the shape of a four-pointed star. The star was set into a circle of dark, polished wood and four metallic studs were driven into the wood between the points. The symbolism was vaguely familiar to Paradox but he couldn't quite put his paw on it.
Paradox slowly became aware that he was staring, and tried to mitigate the awkwardness of it by making conversation.
"So, that medallion you're wearing... what does it mean?" He tried.
The stranger took a break from the fruit and looked down at his chest. He held the small ornament with his paw to get a better look at it. "Oh. This? A symbol of a forgotten god. Truthfully, it's been so long I forgot I was wearing it."
Paradox wasn't sure what that meant, exactly, but he could remember hazy visions of his mother teaching him about a great spirit watching over all creatures great and small. This might be the same thing.
"So, you...you're a traveller?" Paradox said, trying to keep the conversation going. He wasn't good at this sort of thing.
"Yes," said the other bunny. "I've traveled all around the world. Norvus. Serropa. Some other places you've probably never heard of. It's a wonderful job I have."
"Ssounds nice." Paradox said back, still feeling awkward. "Um... what job is that?" Please don't say witch-hunter, Paradox thought.
"I deliver messages." the old bunny said. then Paradox could see the smile spread beneath his cowl. "Wonderfully, terribly cryptic ones."
"Um, what? terribly... cryptic?" Paradox was confused and just a bit wary. "Like what?"
"Like the message I was sent to give to you." the traveler said. he was smiling, but somehow simultaneously deadly serious. Paradox took a half-step back, wondering if this was an "I'm gonna kill you" sort of message.
"In two days' time, The people of the white city will need your help." Said the old bunny, shifting to stare directly into Paradox's green eyes. From this angle, Paradox could see the elderly bunny's eyes as well, and there was a power there, too; Not stronger than Paradox's, but somehow... deeper. "You need to be there. so says the one I serve." The elderly bunny stood as he was saying this and, when he was done, seemed satisfied that all that needed to be said was said. He began walking away.
Paradox wasn't at all sure that all that needed to be said was said. "Wai- I mean... Who are you? Who do you serve?" He said, nearly shouting. Paradox flinched at the impoliteness of his own volume, but the other bunny didn't seem to mind as he continued walking.
"As I said, I am a traveler." Spoke the elder bunny. "As for the one I serve, He delights, for now, in testing your faith."
And just like that, the conversation was over.
Hi. Sorry this took so long to get to.
This could be one sentence. It would have more impact that way because a two-word hook doesn't always do well. "Paradox awoke lying on his cot, face-up, toward the corrugated tin roof of his shack. You don't need the comma. Questions have an interesting place. They tend to poke at the reader, who also tends to simply ignore them until they get answered. Carefully weaving them into the narrative could work more to your favor. This seems a little clunky. Perhaps a little rephrasing would suit this sentence. "The bird chirping outside his window, with more fervor than usual, was the only noticeable thing out of place." I don't think that this works. Melancholy is a noun or adjective, of which neither really suits the sentence. "Perhaps it was the little effort his days required that left him with the ache of melancholy." Few typos here. "From" doesn't need to be capitalized and "hod" should be "had". Two more typos. "Said" shouldn't be capitalized as a question mark acts like both a comma and a period with quotes and "he" should be capitalized as it starts a sentence. When writing stutters, it is more effective to write them using an ellipsis. "yo..you..you're" Some capitalization errors here. "then", "wonderfully", "please", and "ssounds" should all be capitalized. Sorry, I was a bit rushed while doing this. Overall the concept is interesting. Writing is a hard medium to master, or at least achieve well. Practice is the only thing that makes perfect. What you should consider when writing is how you could include more description. Such as the house; I couldn't really picture very much of it. You described just enough of the elder-rabbit for the reader to be left without a clear image. It's these little things that you could work on. Grammar, especially when speaking of dialogue, is an important piece to master. I suggest that, the next time you read a book, you look at how the author varies their dialogue tags and the way that capitalization works. I would also advise that you look into how to weave in dialogue with capitals as such as it could benefit your writing.That advice surrounding questions is great, I'mma try to implement that. I guess that part is a bit of a holdover from a time when how Paradox woke up was a bit more important and mysterious. I ALWAYS have issues with capital letters and leaving them in random places; thanks for pointing those out. The rule is that if it's a quote in the sentence you capitalize it as normal and then capitalize the first letter in the quote-sentence as well, right? I am also aware that I tend to have short descriptions; my brain tends to take a lot for granted so I tend to just leave a lot to the reader's imaginations. Most of the time how something looks isn't important to the understanding of the story anyway, right?... right?... It's also a bit of an issue with me being paranoid that I'd slow down the action too much to describe things folks don't really care about. I'm glad you're interested so far. I hope to implement the changes soon, maybe after I finish the first draft. I conclusion, thanks for taking the time to do this! Whether or not you continue it's a big investment of your time (and I still feel a bit weird calling you over from someone else's comment section) and I'm grateful!
Ok. The best suggestion I have for that would be to consider weaving them into Paradox's thoughts rather than the readers'. The rule is that the first word of any sentence is capitalized. The first word of a spoken sentence is always capitalized, but any later dialoge tags are not.
Description isn't always important. A fun strategy to consider is the speed in which you want actions to take place. More description makes the reader feel invested and, after that, breaking the pattern of more description will make tense moments. Sorry I probably won't continue as I have a lot of work of my own to consider, but good luck with writing a novel.Just wanted to let you know I finally finished the story and got around to correcting all those grammar mistakes in this chapter.