Session Summaries 1-7 written by Jeran

General Summary

- Session One: The cats are kind of dicks -

The party meets by chance, defeats some zombies, and meets their professors, and eventually High Priest Shen. Catrina and Muffinpaws insult a whole lot of people, the Duke is sus, and the party is assigned to their rooms and roommates. their first class starts and they receive their first assignment. Unbeknownst to the party, shady figures are meeting behind closed doors, deciding on how they should proceed in furthering the plot.

- Session Two: The cats are kind of dicks, again -

The party goes their separate ways for the most part during the week, playing their respective dating sims. Muffinpaws throws a fit and says he can do just fine by himself, and Azaloth says that's fine by him. Catrina punches her catboy twice and insults him until he leaves, in spite of his "I can fix her" attitude (Spoiler: he can not). Chateau is extraordinarily blunt, and very forward in her attempts to chat up High Priest Shen, and is met with very mixed results. Millie beats the fuck out of her professor and earns some respect. Azaloth makes friends with Wyrd and is even more convinced that the duke is sus by Professor Alighieri over some much-appreciated dessert, awakens some hidden power, and pulls an absolute gamer moment identifying the magic weapon of Vael, after cluing the professors into the fact that they might be related to the recent re-enactments of Michael Jackson's "thriller" that have been going on recently.

- Session 3: Shit begins to hit the fan -

Leo goes missing at the end of the last session, and the Duke doesn't let anyone look for him, sparking the Duke is Sus Society, a group of students who begin to investigate the Duke and related sus people. Hawthorne loses her mind a little bit, falsely accuses Darius of being the imposter among the professors after jumping to conclusions over some very loose evidence about some sus letter that was signed with the letter D. Leo randomly returns after his experimentation, Hawthorne gives Catrina lots of extra credit to take care of him because he's kinda going through it. Catrina and Chateau start a book club, Azaloth sees his patron in a dream, does some research, makes up with Muffinpaws, and the party completes their second commission. Some zombies were oneshot, and some vampires got absolutely obliterated. People freak out a little at blood and decapitation, Azaloth collects a blood sample, and the professors are proud of their students for their vampire smackdown.

- Session 4: Romance speedun any%, Genocide run -

Wyrd and Cyrille join the fight. The party rips off Lillia League of Legends at the magic item shop, Millie begins foaming at the mouth and tries to marry her instantly, and is met with a bit of apprehension but gets her number anyways. Wyrd finds this to be a tad quick even while using Cyrille's wrist like a juice box in the tavern, but regardless gets engaged to them in the very same session. Muffinpaws goes a little rabid every single time someone tries to speak to him, but now he has a little kitty wand of magic missiles and Professor Alighieri compliments his painting skill, so It's all coming up kitty, all things considered. Azaloth struggles to come off as polite while translating Muffinpaws' enraged ramblings and is met with mixed success. Vael leaves a threat for the party to find, and Catrina reads her catboy a terrifying bedtime story about cock, balls, and boiled children. Chateau gets some pre-marital hugging from the High Priest, and the party departs on their 3rd commission shortly after an important artifact and family heirloom of Shen's goes missing. Catrina tries to reason with the party that not all commoners should be killed on sight, but her pleas fall on deaf ears as the rest of the party ruthlessly murders every poor person that stands in their way.

- Session 5: God, we're awful -

Horny. Lots of horny. Catrina finally decides to not get drunk at a bar, Nikola contacts Alighieri and expresses his desire to betray Sansmaeda, and Muffinpaws steals some alcohol for- oh never mind, Cat is drunk again. Catrina gets a spray bottle to torment her catboy even more, she then gets wasted on Muffinpaws' pilfered alcohol and sobs about mo du and her tragic anime backstory to Leo, who tries to be an armchair therapist from the comfort of his own deathbed. Gort my beloved I love him and his sparkly nipples so much, Wyrille wholesome moment while several letters are written to Count Krolock. Catrina imitates chateau while roasting her to devastating effect, the Fratula have mixed feelings about the upcoming encounter, Millie gay and homophobic, and a little bit furious anti-whore stare intensifies. Drunk sticker goes well for once, and the party goes to retrieve Nikola. Azaloth gay panic, he doesn't know what sex is and he does not understand what kinks are. The party confronts some cultists, Muffinpaws incinerates someone, that crispy bitch, the rest of the cultists and the little skeleton pissbaby are pretty easily dispatched. The party goes back to the bar where Nikola shares what he knows, Hawthorne roasts Catrina, everybody bullies Azaloth for being gay and he panics his way all the way to the disco bar where he drinks enough to kill Cat twice over. Drunk sticker part 2: featuring Azaloth also goes well, and the party ends the session leveled up. (edited)

- Session 6: Strap in to the DnD sex rollercoaster -

A significant portion of the party wakes up very hungover, but fortunately, Cyrille has a great hangover cure (for everyone but Azaloth, sad) Nikola joins the Fratula room, Muffinpaws turns him into a woman, (much to Azaloth's disappointment) Nikola gives Muffinpaws a floating potion and the floating piss hits the fan. Chaos ensues, some spells are thrown, Nikola realizes the Fratula shitshow he's gotten himself into, and finally, Azaloth and Muffinpaws take a nap and stop tormenting their carriage-mates. Cyrille and Millie join Wasian book club cart, those poor poor souls, but the best rendition of Sticker to date is performed. They start talking about relationships Catrina is a massive dick to Cyrille, and lots of passive-aggressive statements between millie and Catrina occur. The party receives a commission from Hian Amascient, there have been sightings of a Vampirespawn and he believes it could be his sister. Nikola gives the party information on the remaining vampire spawn, cat recruits Chateau to carry Leo because she cannot do it. Nikola then tells the party what he and Dyatlov did to Leo, they attempted to artificially create a vampire. Cyrille joins the Fratula room party for a night, huge mistake, it was cursed. Azaloth wakes up to Nikola cuddling him, panics immensely and teleports out of the bed and then runs away. Nikola isn't believing any of his excuses, teases him relentlessly, Muffinpaws proposes robbery and almost burns down the room lighting a joint. Meanwhile, after a rude pyrotechnic awakening, Wyrd speaks with the souls of Cyrille's dead moms which happen to be haunting them currently. Wyrd learns that the duke killed them and that they wish for Cyrille to enact vengeance for them. Cyrille is absolutely going through it when they wake up, so the rest of the Fratula gives them the room. Wyrille has a tough conversation, and then a wholesome moment, and the Duke is Sus society meets and founds the Shen and Cyrille Protection Squad. OH GOD OH FUCK DND SEX WHY HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Meanwhile Azaloth and Nikola go on a dessert date and discuss magic and the nature of the universe while being stalked by Alighieri and Muffinpaws (important sidenote GORT MY BELOVED) The party departs for their commission and meets Lord Hian Amascient, and he joins the party in their search for Rosala, his vampire-spawn turned sister. Catrina will not stop objectifying Hian, Rosala is captured instantly with very little resistance, Catrina continues to objectify Hian, and some bounty hunters come to try and steal Rosala. Wyrdball those crispy bitches, oneshots were had, and a bandit seppukus himself. Wyrd, Costco and millie have a little bandit snackie, Rosala and Hian have a heartfelt reunion, Hian offers to treat them all to a nice meal, and malewife Azaloth cleans Nikola's clothes after the battle. (edited)

- Session 7: Muffinpaws sends that bitch to Hell -

The party goes to the restaurant at the invitation of Hian, a poor decision, Rosala answers some questions, Nikola explains some things about the remaining vampire spawn, specifically that bitch the mushroom necromancer that hates him, not based, stupid teacher's pet. Some arguing commences, Nikoloth has a moment, Hian buys some alcohol for the party, his second poor decision. Muffinpaws lights a joint with burning hands, and his wild magic summons a zombie hand that picks Catrina's nose. People scream. Azaloth, Cat and Millie get absolutely wasted, the zombie hand on the piano joins drunk sticker, and Wyrd does vape tricks with the blunt, much to Muffinpaws' amazement. Muffinpaws convinces Hian to take off his shirt where catrina failed, and nuzzles into his chest and calls him Mom (excuse me, Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry.) Nikoloth cuddle moment, and then ppl go to bed, and surprisingly aren't hungover the next morning. We learn more about the Du la Pointes and their relation to the duke, and their bounties on the heads of the vampire spawn students. Hian kinda doesn't like vampires, Wyrd nearly brings out the dagger of transgender defense when Hian talks to Adonis, but the crisis was averted. “you can just call me D” - professor Liir, “D’s nuts” says everyone in this godawful call. The party returns to the academy, Nikola does some research to the detriment of Leo, and Azaloth takes notes on Nikola's research which has been largely unsuccessful for the most part, but has been making progress in reversing Leo’s condition. Also sorta works on Nikola, but only for a few seconds for either of them. Azaloth maLEWIFE ACQUIRED LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Nikoloth is real <3. The party receives letters from their family, Azaloth’s mom is a bitch, Cat’s mom is a bitch, Leo makes a gun, and Millie lies by omission. Chateau is french and Azaleau REALLY wants a dndivorce, Leo hates Azaloth ig???? Cringe mf fr. Millie defends Azaloth in the name of further bullying, and Chateau awkwardly says he’s not so bad. Wyrd gets a nice letter, the only one, the lords Krolock are very nice and based, Cyrille likes them a lot, and Cyrille says fuck. Azaloth writes a strongly worded letter to his mother, gets the concept of Mommy kinks explained to him, and discusses the concept of pet names with Nikola, but they decide their actual names are just fine. Leocat kicks out the rest of the Wasian book club for dnd sex part 2, but more importantly GORT MY BELOVED we must visit him every session. Azaloth gets a gay ppl discount, and Millie does some scheming and tries to befriend Azaloth with questionable intentions. Muffinpaws investigates Nikola while he and Azaloth hold hands, Millie and Muffinpaws bond a bit, Muffinpaws gets homestucked, and Nikoloth first kiss (gay gay homosexual gay). Chateau visits Shen, fails to convince him to go meet Costco, gets a lesson on the Crimson Milf, and Shen tells her that it wasn't Akaris that turned her into the first vampire. He tells her about the sus duke’s attempts to keep Shen and the church under his control, and about his domineering attitude about Shen’s life, but he will not punch him in the face. The party receives a commission in the town of Cortfort, they’ve been talking about attacks from the unseelie from the feywild despite not provoking them at all and have requested the assistance of the academy. Fratula cart is just the couples + Muffinpaws, Leo gets harassed by Wasian book club, Fratula talks tournament stuff, the party arrives and is immediately plunged into combat with the fey assaulting the city. Azaloth mows down goblins, Chateau beats the fuck out of a redcap, Wyrd toasts the other two, those crispy bitches, Muffinpaws sends a troll to Hell and he gets absolutely deleted upon his very frightened return.

Report Date

25 Nov 2021

Related Characters

• Catrina Von Kingsley
• Count Cyrille Noir
• Millie Van Fenrir
• Wyrd von Krolock