THE GUNCH, issue NaN.1

             ^{with Nials Nilsson}

     Hard to believe it's only been two weeks since the Skin Lizzies toppled the Venusian State, but in the wake of the upheaval - and the most recent episode of my good buddy Tripple Deej's radio show, Bandwatch - we're still left with questions. Who is this mysterious band who opened for the Lizzies? Who are Creative Differences?

   Well, lucky me, I heard on the wire that they got into a fight at a strip club not five minutes from where I'm staying on Luna, and with a little hustle I scored an EXCLUSIVE interview with all three members! Right place, right time, and let me tell you: they're pretty fuckin' weird, and I'm not just talking about their sound... read on, loyal subscribers!

BAMBAM LE JUNE

So, how would you describe your sound? Because I'm having a hard time doing it myself.
Come now, old chap! You've never heard post-post-post-classic industrial noisepunk before? What kind of gutter rag is this?
You've got me there. How exactly did you join up with Creative Differences?
Oh, I guess you could call it a shared mission… bonding over a passion that burns in all three of our hearts. Plus some blackmail.
I find it difficult to believe that you could blackmail the other two.
That's just a failure of imagination, old bean! Now, are we going to talk about the orphans?
Ah yes, the orphans. Tell me all about your cause.
It's simple! Every c-bill raised at our shows goes straight into the mouths of those less fortunate than us!
What?
You heard me. We must do all within our power to keep those less fortunate than us warm, fed, clothed, housed, and off the streets where people can trip on them.
I thought fabricators allowed us to live under Le Guin-ian space anarchy, where no one is hungry or unhoused?
You thought wrong, my good bitch! So are you going to make a donation, eh wot?
[They hold up a small bucket and shake it under my nose.]
I left my wallet in my other pants. Do you have a comment regarding the altercation that took place last night in the Skin Zone?
Oh, dreadful bit of business, that... some disgruntled employees of no consequence. If you see them on the street crying about having had something "stolen" from them, simply keep walking.
So there's no truth to any of their claims?
None whatsoever!

IRENE NO-LOUD

All right, first things first--
Yes, they're real.
I never doubted, but that's not my first question. "Irene" isn't exactly what most of your fans know you by, am I right?
I've used plenty of dumb nicknames through my career, so like... what's one more?
You're not trying to distance yourself from your previous work?
Why would I? The more fans, the better! And, like... if they don't vibe with my new direction, then fuck 'em!
Yes, I'd say your new sound and stage presence are a bit of a departure from Die Hamauzu--
Don't even talk to me about that, I don't know what that is anymore. My art is a river, flowing ever forwards.
So you're not distancing yourself, but you also won't comment on the creative process that spurred on these radical changes?
This interview is, like, sooo boring. Want me to get my tits out?
Couldn't hurt. Do you have any comments about the altercation that took place last night at the Skin Zone?
Hah! That was nothing, just... like... our old roadies showing up to be squares. We fired 'em last week for not being cool enough. So-- so yeah, hey! If you see any of them, tell 'em they're losers!
Do you have any other--
And definitely don't fuck 'em or anything! Chub cries after sex and Dan, like, toootally can't get it up. True story.
Right. Do you have any other comments for your fans, new or old?
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
[Irene leans closer to my recorder, taking on a very serious demeanor.]
I've been watchin' what people are saying about last night, and there's a lotta incorrect figures goin' around! Lotta liars throwin' around some low numbers! It's all totally bogus, and you can see proof right now on my new PawsOff!
Hey, hey. No free plugs.
I'll comp you a sub to the VIP tier.
You drive a hard bargain, Miss Irene. So does this mean you're not going to explain why, between last night and now, you've sprouted a pair of faintly luminous horns?
Oh, I've always been able to do that. Like, don't even worry about it.

WHIZZERD

So, tell me about your--
How 'bout you tell me about you, city boy?
That's not how this works. Tell me about you! Where you're from, what your sound is like, how you joined the band.
Well, since y'asked nicely. Ah'm just a good 'ol country gal from uh… New… Neo Texas… 2. An' you know what comes from Neo Texas-2, right?
I don't follow.
Trucks! Ain't nothin' Ah love more than a big truck, except for maybe a big salad, or a big...
[Thirty seconds pass in complete silence.]
… you didn't interrupt me. You're s'posedta interrupt me before Ah say it, so it just implies that Ah was going to say… y-y'know… wieners.
Here at THE GUNCH, I pride myself on not putting any kind of filter on what artists have to say. You're free to say wieners as many times as you like.
Really! Oh wow, uh. Wieners! huh huh. Wieners wieners wieners. Oh, this is so freein'!
Tell me more.
Well, Ah like to play country music, and Ah got my thing for city boys… the thicker the better! An' Ah like to sing about that, plus trucks, plus dogs. Ah ain't never had a dog, or a truck, but Ah like to think Ah 'kin imagine what it'd be like. Ah think it'd be pretty sweet!
After the last thousand years of genetic drift, what really is a dog at this point, anyway? You know, when my parents adopted me they thought they were getting an exotic pet. Scared the hell out of them when I sprouted legs and taught myself to drive on my fourth birthday.
No way! That's crazy!
True story. I don't get to tell that one often.
Wild! So hey, you wanna do it?
This interview is over.
Aw, c'mon!

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Anyone on Luna looking to catch Creative Differences live is gonna have their work cut out for them; according to Bambam, the band is going dark to practice before their next big show! Keep your ear to the street and your eyes on the feeds, and you just might get lucky!