Demon Face

Mental characteristics

Mental Trauma

She solely blames herself for the death of Naomi and the resulting massacre of The Mask's inner circle. She often doesn't feel entitled to the role of a leader, but hides this imposter syndrome well.
"If I had refused ____-- if I had died that day instead of killing him, then maybe everyone would still be alive! And maybe Red and Anya and Dingo and the others wouldn't have had to suffer the way they did!"
"If you hadn't killed him, he would've found someone else to do it...or he would have done it himself. And then Naomi would would end up the same. Their minds were made up. They wanted to go and nobody could've changed their minds. You know this, ____."
"Then at least it wouldn't be me! At least it would be on somebody else! How can I lead the Masks, when I've killed so many of them? How am I supposed to look in the mirror and tell myself my life is worth living, worth more than Red's or anybody else's that died?! How can you all accept me and love me even though I destroyed everything?! You tell me I'm stupid for blaming myself, Genji tells me I was right to put my life before my best friend's own father, and even on days where I can barely bring myself to look at V out of shame, he still smiles at me and treats me like his best friend! Even though you all assure me, this guilt won't go away! Every time I look at my own hands, all I see is blood. When I find myself smiling, I think about who I'm standing on to be here. When I find myself relaxing, I force myself to work or train to become stronger, so I don't fuck it all up again! In the mirror all I see is a fucking monster who should be long dead!"
Arata sat there, wide eyed and muted. "How have I been so oblivious for so long?" he wondered. He had been lying to himself all along: choosing to ignore her forced, muted smiles and quick changes of the subject, how her willingness to talk so in depth about her feelings dwindled over time...until all of her assurances became lies. Yet he confided and leaned on her often, meanwhile brushing her feelings away to spare his own. He did not want to see ____ suffer so greatly, but his willful blindness only greatly worsened her suffering. His eyes welled at the metaphorical truck slamming into him. Arata considered ___ and himself to be inseparably close, but he could not even act as a proper partner, not as kind as she had been to him.

Related Plots

• Feelings shut tightly
• The Inner Circle Massacre