Cuisine of Tesamir

"And what did you call this again?" Dzaan asked cautiously.
"Wizard's Cosmopolitan!" The young, beardless Dwarf responded with gaiety, "I picked it up about ten years ago from some old Half-elf that came in here, it's been a staple of the Sareux Wizarding Academy alumni ever since, now drink!"
The young man of seventeen weighed his options, "But it's bright green." Dzaan stroked his own hairless chin, and curled his nose to contort his face into one of worry for those who could be fond of something that looks so vile. "What did you put in it?" Dzaan asked.
"It's a surprise. I'll tell you when you drink it. Just do it." The smooth-faced Dwarf was losing patience with the young graduate, but he did not lose his self-satisfied smile.
Dzaan had never tasted alcohol before, besides when his uncle would let him sip his cider, and this fiendish concoction did not look like a promising place to start. The young graduate truly weighed up his options, could he refuse to drink? How would this affect his reputation amongst the rowdy older graduates whom he had hoped to integrate himself with? He clearly had no choice.

Dzaan closed his eyes and threw back the elixir, it jumped down his throat before he had chance to taste it, but that was a mistake. The brew burned his throat like nothing he had ever tasted, certainly nothing like the cider he had supped, and for some reason it tasted both unbearably sweet and horribly bitter at the same time.
But when Dzaan slammed the delicate cocktail glass on the table Berram cheered. He seemed genuinely proud, like a father who had just seen his son learn to swim, or cast his first cantrip.
"Waheeeey! There ya go lad! Didn't it tell ya it was nothing!" The Dwarf suddenly dropped the 'proper' accent that he was putting on until that point, the excitement of seeing Dzaan swallow the whole drink in one must have returned Berram to his mountainous roots.

"Right," Dzaan put his fists down on the table, "Now you owe me a pie."

Barry Bluewater's Tastes of Tesamir

Evening traveler! Or afternoon, morning... Whenever you may be reading this.
My name is Barry, I am a Halfling from the village of Venniph in the Kingdom of Eigar. I was raised by my grandmother, who would make me the most scrumptious dishes I have ever tasted; they were always made with fresh ingredients, were filling to my small Halfling stomach, and cooked with love and attention. When my grandmother passed (Akmiss protect her) the thought that I would never taste another of her meals sent me to the edge of despair.

But, fortune has it that was not the end for my tastebuds, a friendly adventurer - a great personality, a master swordsman, the big scary red Dragonborn known as Arn the Arm - offered his services as a protector and fellow connoisseur of the culinary. The two of us have together been to hundreds of taverns and restaurants in as many of cities, towns, and villages over the past eight years. Our research has taken us far and wide, and I have compiled what I have found so far in this here compendium, look no further for the best flavours in all Tesamir!

Eating in the East

Food from Nuzibad, Maha, and Atikaris is often classified as culturally and geographically what most people think of when they consider 'The East.' And their food reflects this, the hot climates often call for cooler dishes such as vegetables and yoghurts - plain yoghurt is especially popular as a side dish, an appetizer, or as dessert. The most common flavourings are butter and olive oil (Arn was a much bigger fan than I), and are used to make vegetarian dishes due to the unpopularity of meat in Nuzibad (a religious limitation,) animal fats are generally also a no-go there.
One of the only meats allowed by practicing Nuzibadi polytheists is lamb and fish, which are also included if the dish is meat-based.
Here are some dishes to be found in this region:

• Holdgars - A mushroom and cheese-based meal, very filling even with the lack of meat, but can be found mild or spicy with the addition of local Sharmri peppers.
• Skewers - Where meat is served, it is grilled over an open flame and served on a metal or wooden skewer, usually contains lamb or wild lizards.
• Cabbage Soup - Not much to say about this, Arn was not a fan, but the best cabbage soup I have ever had was in a local Al Datra tavern so don't write it off.
• Arak - A local grain alcohol and also one of the only ones produced in Nuzibad besides wine in certain regions, very strong, Arn is a big fan.

Nibbles in the North

The frosty and unforgiving north - Nevivda and Fethgir - would be written off for its food. 'Brutal conditions could not produce anything more than the most basic of nourishment!' Is what the naysayers might say, but they would be wrong! It is possible to find beauty in the harshest of people, to find warmth and plenty where there seems to be none.
The Northlander diet is very meat-based, but that does not mean it is one-note. What they make up for in their lack of available ingredients they make up for in creativity:

• Roast Dinner - Northlanders roast most of their meats in full over a large open flame, they usually have whole families to feed and are bigger than the average human. The result being when they roast meats such as hog, mutton, beef, or venison, they roast the whole creature at once. Another favourite of Arn.
• Solun Stew - When in the winter locals of Fethgir and the northernmost parts of Nevivda must preserve their cows and goats for milk, instead they make themselves a stew made with gravy and a unique root vegetable native to the area called the solun, it grows only in the harshest of winter environs. One must boil it to the Nine Hells to make it edible, but in difficult winters the people make do with Solun Stew. Not recommended unless starving.
• Hvall Cake - A kind of cheesecake mixed with cranberries, a popular dessert but difficult to make (and expensive). Very similar to the Dolindair Cheesecake, though I have no reason to believe they are related.
• Red Honey Mead - By the Gods! In a small town in the south of Nevivda called Rottsnar, they have these funny red bees that produce the most peculiar red honey. The mead fermented from this honey is simply not of this world, it is dew straight from the teat of Medinta, there is no other way to describe it. Drink with caution, however, because it is stronger and sweeter than normal mead - deceptively drinkable.

Wheats of the West

Where food is treated as a true delicacy is places of plenty, Draguinôt, the Triarchy, Luntaria, and Beloria. In the great cities, cuisine is an artform, and chefs go to prestigious culinary schools in Sareux, Penthurst, and Onsoranne. This treatment of delicacy means the food in more noble places here is limited - the aristocracy of these places enjoy eating small quantities, and even fasting for days on end - so they may treat themselves at the end to something truly delicious.
In the countryside, bread and butter are staple foods, and the people of rural Draguinôt have mastered all types of bread and the churning of butter. But in the city is where the more complex is available, even the layman can afford something better than what the farmer could dream of, even if only occasionally.

In both rural and metropole, here is part of what is possible to find:

• Sanville Seafood Mix - In the coastal town of Sanville, the north of Draguinôt, a love for seafood is taken to its logical end. A mix of shrimp, oyster, a seafood broth, and other salty sea dishes are thrown into a bowl. Arn is a big fan of the local fish - if one finds oneself in Sanville, it would be a crime not to try the seafood.
• Sareux Bouillabaisse - Speaking of seafood, the best that can be found in the Marble City is the fish stew. Draguinôt is the place for seafood and this one is the best you can find in the capital.
• Tavern Steak - But what if you're out on the road, nowhere near the Silver city or the Ruby gates? If you find yourself on the road in Luntaria and Beloria, stopping by any roadside inn or tavern, you can hope to Pontegal they have some steak in. The beef raised in the hills south-west of the Bronze Mountains is the best on the continent. Arn approves greatly of the sirloin.
• Luxarr's Delights - Essentially a cream-stuffed bun with honey drizzled on it. A fairly routine snack for a Halfling such as myself, but Arn thought it was revolutionary. I also wasn't a fan of the name, unless it's communion it is a bad idea to mix religion and food.

Snacks in the South

Finally; Dolindair, Castellar, Eigar, and other lands will tell you that they are where the best cuisine is to be found. And they would not be entirely wrong. Returning home to Eigar, especially taking Arn back to my hometown of Venniph was a wonderful treat - even if it was not the same without dear grandmother. Even still, that which can be found in the warm and diverse southern climates is tremendous in its scale.
Wines, exotic meats, and ripe fruit are all here:

• Dolindair Stew - A standard traveler's stew, but perfect. The people of Dolindair have mastered the stew, with beef, carrots, gravy, and a variety of other vegetables. It is no wonder so many in Dolindair find themselves travelling the kingdom, it's all for the stew! Goes well with a traditional Dolindair dark or pale ale.
• Honeyed Ham in Red-Wine Gravy - A classic of the Eigar household, nobody made a better red-wine gravy than dear old grandma (Akmiss protect her), but there are plenty of places that come pretty close.
• Hand Pies - Pastries made to be eaten in one hand, available all over the world, but the best are to be found in village bakeries in Pathar. Often stuffed with corned beef or bacon, cheese and onion, or vegetables such as leek and cabbage.
• Vivetso Red & Nomeno White - It goes without saying that when speaking of Castellar, one must mention its exquisite wine. The red grapes grown outside of the capital city are worth any price one must pay, and the same goes for the white grapes from the Nomeno region.

Other Regions

But what of places not mentioned here? Well dear reader, this is but a morsel of the grand feast which is Tastes of Tesamir. An introduction to a much grander work, read on for greater detail, and greater detail there will be.
But in case you are not patient enough to wait for the full thing, I will write of more interesting cuisine to be found here:

• Halfling Chili - A rather unfortunate dish we were unable to try. An ogre threatened to turn me into one.
• Mushroom Tea - Made for us by a foreigner of an unknown land, a strange drink for sure. But not altogether an unpleasant one.
• Orc Bacon - Amongst the tribal orcish races, they have strange livestock that resemble pigs. The strongest are trained to be 'War Hogs,' but the weaker and fattier of the bunch are slaughtered and stripped into bacon and jerky. The meat is thick, long, and tough - not safe for Halfling consumption, but Dragonborns seem to handle it just fine.
• Trilimac Pods, Underdark Lotus, and Fire Lichen Spread - In a brief encounter with a Deep Gnome of the Underdark, he made us a few meals native to the Underdark. The average meal of a Drow or Duergar he claims, generally these meals were not for our land-dweller tastebuds, being either too bland or too spicy.
• Twice-baked Cockatrice Wings - A friendly group of monster hunters offered us some while we were on the road in Atikaris. Whomever cooked it was not a skilled cook, but it is a dish with potential. Though the danger of hunting a Cockatrice may not be worth it. The same goes for other monstrous dishes such as Manticore.