It Takes Time <To Be Properly Taken Apart> - Chapter 16
Chapter 16
Chapter Length: 7,200 wordsWarmed By the Hearth
The conversation died out after that. Punica continued her examination in silence, leaving Raqi with only her thoughts and the occasional brush of vines over her bare skin.
Initially, Raqi found the silence decidedly uncomfortable. Being naked and blindfolded was about as vulnerable as it was possible to get, and being that way around someone that she had just finished having an argument with was not a pleasant experience. But eventually, her nerves did begin to calm down, and the quiet became more tolerable.
At some point, she started to realise that she'd never really gotten the opportunity to spend time with Punica without talking to her before. It occurred to her that she didn't really know what it was like to simply be around her while not doing anything else, and the thought filled her with a curiosity that quickly drove away the remainder of the discomfort.
In the time since she had met Punica, Raqi had noticed that the affini seemed to emit what she thought of as 'ambient plant noises' almost constantly. These ranged from what she thought of as the sound of leaves moving in the wind, to the soft bending of branches, something akin to movement through dense brush, and occasionally the creaking of larger pieces of wood; as well as a whole variety of other noises. She had grown familiar enough with them that she thought she had learned to identify the particular noise the affini's vines made when they moved, which loosely resembled the sound of leaves brushing against each-other.
The vast majority of these sounds, however, continued even when the affini was not actively moving or doing anything. She suspected this had a lot to do with how Punica didn't really seem to have an actual idle mode; even when she was both standing still and not speaking, the innumerable vines that always trailed out from under her dress would still remain in constant subtle motion. Commonly, they repeated the same patterns - usually swishing from side to side; rotating and then un-rotating; or just kind of curling and uncurling, in a series displays that she had to admit were often vaguely hypnotic - but sometimes the vines would also do more unusual things, such as wrap around each other in helixes or coil up like springs. The only times she'd ever seen them remain completely still were the few times Punica had been upset, or about to drug her.
The examination was proceeding apace, and Punica was pleased with how calm Raqi was remaining throughout the procedure. She had expected a far higher degree of discomfort from her, based upon how vehemently she had objected at first, and had anticipated potentially needing to apply a light tranquilizer in order to help her remain stable; but so far there had been no need for her to do so.
Their earlier discussion about neurodivergence among landamaeris had only served to drive home just how similar Raqi's species appeared to be to Terrans. Punica had spent the first several minutes of the discussion in a state of mild shock, in which she had been struggling to believe that the woman she was looking at was not just a heavily tattooed and lightly biomodded Terran. In terms of height, body shape, and body structure and limb arrangement, Raqi really was almost indistinguishable from a Terran.
However, what aesthetic differences Punica could observe were enough to interest her greatly. Raqi's body was covered in a patchwork of teal blue markings; the same colour as those on her face, but spread out all across her chest, stomach, arms, legs, and back. The affini had spent a great while observing them, and while it was difficult to be certain, she was starting to lean towards them being natural pigmentation, rather than tattoos. This, combined with what seemed to be a much lower prevalence of body hair upon the xenosophont's form - although she did notice the telltale marks of shaving in several locations, most notably under the armpits and around the groin area - were the most notable differences from the Terrans she was familiar with.
Her gaze scanned over the surface of Raqi's skin, and she found herself wondering how deep the similarities to Terrans went. I wonder if her veins are in the same places as a Terran's, as well. It was difficult to gauge her vein placements just through external observation, but small blue-green lines visible under the surface of her stomach made it clear that she did at least have them. It would be useful to take a blood sample, as well. I suppose this is an opportunity to test two things at once. She readied a particular graft, one normally reserved for her medical work, and then pressed it down upon the girl's leg.
"Ah! Ow!" Raqi let out a sudden yelp as she felt a sharp and entirely unexpected pain in her thigh. "Ah, drat," the plant tutted. "My apologies, Raqi. I was somewhat guessing as to where I might find a vein in your leg, and it seems I misjudged the distance from tissue to muscle." Raqi pouted. "It's fine- just took me by surprise a little, that's all. ...You didn't, like, just drug me or anything, did you?" "I did not. What you felt just then was me making use of an extractor flower. As its name would suggest, it is the opposite of the injectors which we normally use to deliver xenodrug payloads; its purpose is to remove blood from your body, rather than place chemicals into it." "Oh, huh. So basically just a syringe-flower, then." "In essence, yes."
"Raqi." Punica's voice broke her out of her reverie, and her head jolted back to its neutral position, throwing off her focus on the sound. "I remembered something that I had been meaning to ask you about, if you do not mind." "Oh, sure," she replied, noticing as she spoke that her throat had become surprisingly dry. "What's up?" "When we first met, I presumed that the reason you spoke Terran was because you were, in fact, a Terran. When you revealed your actual race to me, I became preoccupied answering your questions regarding the Compact before I got a chance to inquire further, and the issue slipped my mind. But now that I recall it, I am curious how it is possible that you know how to speak Accord standard." "Oh, right..." Raqi's brow furrowed. "Yeah, I can only imagine that must seem pretty weird; given how far away Accord space is from the Mobile Fleet." She inhaled, and found that she was surprisingly still able to hear the sound coming from Punica's vines, even though she was no longer resting her ear directly against them. She found herself naturally focusing back on it. "So, basically, there is this race that we call the dgione. I don't know if you've met them, or if you have then what name you'd know them by, but they're a race that have evolved really advanced biological camouflage. Their entire thing is that they don't have skeletons, and so they can reassemble their bodies to mimic those of other species, and also change their skin texture and hair and everything else almost on the fly." "Hmm..." Punica rumbled contemplatively for a moment. "I cannot say that I am aware of any xenosophont species that match the description you are giving at present." "Yeah, maybe you haven't run into them yet then. Well, either way: Some of them make a living as essentially cultural infiltrators. Like, they do this thing where they change their appearance to resemble that of another race, then pretend to be a member of that species and sneak their way into their society. The point of this is that some civilisations - such as for example the Terran Accord - get deemed too xenophobic or downright dangerous to contact directly, and so they decide to go in undercover instead. That way, they can both find out about the society in question, and also get stuff to sell off or trade with other cultures." Even as Raqi spoke, she felt her attention being drawn back to the faint pulsing in her ears. She still hadn't managed to figure the rhythm out quite yet. Not only that; she could swear, now, that she could also feel some sort of a faint sensation coming from the rest of the vines that she was in contact with. It was different to the static feeling of pressure and texture that came from laying against them; it registered the same way that things did when they moved over her skin. Since the vines' surfaces were most definitely inert, that meant it could only be coming from inside of them. But why in the void would that be the case? "Once they're done making observations and stealing records, they supposedly leave and go back home, process all the raw data they've gotten, and then turn it into commodities that they can sell to other civilisations. Most of the time it's in the form of documents, but they also produce a lot of fiction, holovids, period clothing, and other stuff like that. Turns out that, at least in the Mobile Fleet, people love that shit; we used to have tons of dgione coming by with stuff they'd nicked from this race or that and selling it on the central trade hub. Usually the first few copies of whatever they bring back are insanely expensive, in order to try and get publishers to go for it, but then once people start pirating it and it gets widespread, they lower the price so that regular people can afford it." It was such a weird feeling. She was certain now; the sensation coming from the vines was synched with the sound. She wondered if perhaps what she was both feeling and hearing were the internal processes that went on within Punica's body. It occurred to her that she had absolutely no idea how affini worked on a biological level; it could well be that they had their own equivalent of blood - chlorophyll, maybe? - that ran through their plant-veins, and maybe what she was sensing was that. Either way, whatever it was, it really was surprisingly pleasant to focus on. The sound had further clarified now, and her mind had learned to anticipate each rise and fall in the soft droning. She was starting to see how it matched the sensation coming up from the vines into her skin, and when she paid attention to both at the same time, they seemed to sort of unify together in her mind; creating a sort of joint sensory experience that was incredibly immersive and easy to focus on. "Uh..." She paused for a moment, trying to remember where she had been going next. "Oh, yeah. So basically: The reason we know about Terrans is that at some point, one of the dgione must have infiltrated part of the Accord because a little bit before I was born they apparently turned up and started selling data on them, and it was a massive hit. People adored everything to do with Terrans because of how similar they looked to us. There are other humanoid species out there, but we'd never seen any that resembled us nearly as closely, and so I think people just kinda got obsessed with them." The sound-touch sensation had another component to it, Raqi was starting to realise. It wasn't just textural; it was also warm, somehow. She could feel a kind of heat starting to seep through from Punica's vines into her body, starting at her back and gradually making its way up through her sternum and into her chest. The warmth was transmitted in time with the pulses; each one would send a little jolt of heat through her, and then it would die down in the leadup to the next one, before rising once again. The heat did not vanish entirely each time, however, and she could feel herself gradually becoming warmer and more relaxed with each soft, inviting pulse. At the same time, she noticed that the sound seemed to have changed. She wasn't sure if it had actually changed, or if it was just her imagination: She was very good at conjuring phantom auditory sensations, and had always been able to make herself hear music all but perfectly even when it wasn't playing. It was usually fairly quiet in her imagination, but at times the phantom sounds could grow loud enough that she'd make herself by mistaking them for real noises. In this case, she wasn't sure if the sound of a crackling fireplace that she was now hearing was actually coming from the vines, or if it was just her overactive imagination. "So, that's how we found out about the Terrans, more or less. Basically the dgione sold us information on them, and it just... took off, I guess." She wiggled around on the bed of vines, trying to find a position in which she could put more of the surface area of her body in contact with Punica's. "I ended up getting into Terran xenoculture stuff at, uhh... I don't... I don't remember exactly, but it was still really popular when I was a kid. Everyone else I knew loved it, but I stayed interested in it even after they grew out of it. At some point I... started- mm- learning Terran so that I could engage with it better, because not everything had a Saltiltomeyin translation, and I... wanted to be able to read the untranslated versions of stuff too, because you know how a lot of the nuance gets lost in- yeah whatever you get it." Inos, the sound was making her feel so lazy. She could barely even make herself keep talking to Punica right now. The warmth had continued spreading all throughout her body, and it felt like she was nestled right up against an actual fireplace. How was her brain doing this? She'd never had tactile hallucinations this strong in her life. Ultimately, she couldn't really bring herself to care much about the 'how'; her brain just felt too warm and comfortable to bother itself with complex thought right now. The sounds and sensations she was feeling had combined almost perfectly in her mind now, and she could see the fireplace in her mind's eye; almost as clearly as if it were actually there. She watched as the logs in the hearth crackled softly, little embers dancing through the air as they drifted off on the wind, falling down and dissipating into nothing. The fire seemed to beckon her closer, drawing her gaze further in, and she found that the further she let her mind lean into the warmth, the better she felt. "That is rather intriguing; particularly on account of how I do not recall us having come across any xenos other than Rinans during the domestication of the Accord." The plant let out a long, contemplative rumble. "These 'dgione' must have been exceptionally skilled at their work if they were able to evade us during the domestication campaign. Either that, or perhaps they had simply already left before we arrived. Either way, this is a fascinating piece of information. Thank you again for sharing, Raqi." A tiny little whimper made its way out of Raqi's mouth. For some reason, being praised felt insanely good right now. Like, even more than usual; which was already very good. She'd done nothing but infodump at Punica for the last hour? Two hours? She had no idea at this point; but somehow, instead of getting tired of it and asking her to stop, Punica still seemed to be genuinely interested in everything she had to say. She couldn't even remember when the last time was that she'd been able to monologue so unreservedly, but it must have been forever, because the way her body and brain were reacting to this felt like the equivalent to getting to eat for the first time after having spent a week without food. "Mmmyou're welcome," she replied cheerfully. The fact that Punica was enjoying hearing her talk made her so happy. She felt so warm and cosy and lazy wrapped up next to her musical fireplace. She wasn't sure when the fireplace had become musical, but it definitely was now. It was giving off a wonderful melody that she found so easy to just let herself drift into, and the more she did, the warmer and nicer everything became. It made her feel so safe and peaceful, like everything was okay and always would be and she didn't need to worry about anything any more. "To return to an earlier topic: I had also been meaning to ask you about dissociative states. Being honest, Raqi: I have seen you do what seems to me to be dissociating probably more than a dozen times since we have met. It is not a behaviour that, to my knowledge, is common as a natural behaviour among many sophont species; usually developing as a responses to stress or trauma. It seems to me that you are particularly prone to it, and I wanted to inquire about what types of stimuli produce dissociative reactions in you; in the hope that I might better navigate them in future." Oh! If she wanted to know about that, then Raqi was happy to share. That sounded like a great idea, anyway; telling Punica about her dissociative tendencies so that she could manage them better would be really useful for both of them in the long run. Besides, she kind of really did want the other woman to know. She couldn't tell her exactly why she wanted her to know - because that would be dangerous with the way things were at the moment, and besides they were definitely not at that stage of their relationship yet - but she could tell her and just leave out that little bit of context. "Yeah, definitely!" She answered eagerly. "So for starters, it's part learned and part natural. I've been dissociating since I was a kid to cope with stress, and I kind of just got really good at it. I used to do it, like, almost all day every day in school; and even afterwards I kept it as a habit for quite a while longer. I used to do it any time I got stressed, like you say, but I also just liked spacing out and daydreaming because it was fun. Then again, I guess I was more or less always stressed back on the Gliese? So that meant I was basically always dissociating at least a little bit. And I guess now that's pretty much just my default state. Like, I never feel like I'm fully there, you know?" She stopped momentarily to search for words. "It's like there's always this kind of... fuzziness, behind my eyes. I can see just fine, but everything that I see - and that I feel - doesn't quite connect properly, if that makes sense. I know everything that's happening is real, but it doesn't really feel real. It's more like, uhm... watching a stream, if you have any idea what that is. There's a sense that you're there, and things are happening, and a vague sense that it's you that's making them happen... but it doesn't really feel that way." For a moment, a somewhat gloomy sensation disrupted the feeling of warmth that she had immersed herself in. "I spent a while trying a couple years ago to get myself to stop doing it, but it didn't work out very well. Nowadays, I don't really know how to get completely out of a dissociative state anymore. There's this focusing trick I can do with my eyes that kind of works- sometimes? but not as well as it used to." "I confess to some curiosity about this 'trick' you are speaking of. On the note of eyes, however: This seems like an opportune time for me to do the eye examination which I mentioned earlier. Would you mind if I removed your blindfold for a moment?" "Mhm, no. Go ahead." She honestly didn't feel like she needed it in the slightest any more. She just felt so deeply comfortable and relaxed, so much so that she could barely even remember why she was trying to be careful with her words. There couldn't possibly be anything to worry about when she felt this good, and there was no point distracting herself from this amazing feeling by being all stressed out. The blindfold receded a moment later, and- ew. Having her vision back sucked. Raqi immediately felt the song dimming in her mind; the comfortable feeling of warmth and safety receding into the background, as her awareness was taken up by ever-prioritised visual information. She felt herself immediately starting to feel grumpy, and she wished she had told Punica to keep the blindfold on. "Now, my dear. Listen closely, if you please, and I'll describe how this is going to work." Raqi nodded along mentally. "I am going to place my finger at the centre of your cone of vision, and I am going to move it around slowly in a series of different directions. As I do so, I want you to focus your gaze on the very end of my fingertip. Can you do that for me?" "Yes." She could absolutely do that. That would be really easy. ...Wait, though; hold on. Her finger? That was- Oh no. Wait. That was one of the classic trope- A single long, floral digit made its way into Raqi's field of view. It was held a moderate distance away from her eyes; close enough that she could make out even the small details on it, but not quite close enough that it became blurry. The light green of Punica's fingers contrasted heavily against both the dark greens of the rest of her body, and the dark grey of the roof above Raqi's head. So it was that she found herself fixating on it almost immediately, even before it began moving. And then it did start moving. In an instant, it began to feel like every single ounce of her overall awareness had been compressed down into one single pinprick that was focused directly on the end of Punica's finger. She watched as it moved around in a slow, lazy shape something akin to that of the letter H in the Terran alphabet; her eyes following it perfectly the entire way. Immediately, all of the unwanted visual information that had come with opening her eyes seemed to vanish instantly into the background, and it was like she had her eyes closed and was back next to the fireplace once again. Watching Punica's finger made her feel so warm and happy and mesmerised, and it made her brain so submissive and filled her with such a strong need to stare and obey and do as she was told. "Any pain?" Punica asked. "No," Raqi replied, the word coming out almost as a moan. It was taking every ounce of self-control she had left to stop from breaking out into a delirious smile. The finger was making her feel so good, so deeply hypnotised that it was all but impossible to remain focused. Her mind was teetering on the edge of collapsing completely into the inviting warmth. Every second that Punica continued moving her finger, it felt like her brain was emptying out; the last drips of awareness getting drawn down into the centre of a funnel, where they coalesced purely upon the visual information she was currently receiving. It was as if the movement of the finger itself had become physically pleasurable somehow, every slow movement back and forth like it was dragging itself over part of her brain. Eventually, Punica's finger stopped moving; coming to a halt once again in the direct centre of her vision. By the time it had done, there was nothing left in Raqi's mind save for warmth and pleasure. Her gaze was completely fixated on the floral digit, the corners of her mouth twitching upwards in a dazed smile; her breathing slow and relaxed. She barely even noticed that the finger had stopped moving, utterly content to continue staring at it and wait for further instructions. "You've gone awfully quiet, Raqi, dear. Are you still with me?" "Yes," she replied. Her voice was little more than a whisper. It took so very much effort to talk right now; effort that distracted her from feeling warm and comfortable and deeply hypnotised. "Is something the matter?" "No." She couldn't understand why Punica would ask her that. She was unable of even conceive in that moment of how anything could ever possibly be the matter. A short pause. "Can you explain to me what you are feeling right now?" The plant's voice caused sparks to fly out from the fireplace with every word that she spoke, each gentle crackle sending shivers of bliss down her spine. "Focused." "Focused on what, dear?" Another shiver; this time with coinciding with an intake of breath. "You." "...Interesting." The finger began moving around again; this time in much smaller movements, dragging it around in slow circles in front of her eyes. The effect it had was immediate. Whimpers of pleasure started to seep out from Raqi, her breath hitching in her throat as any air she took in was almost immediately exhaled to allow for the noises. The image of Punica's finger seemed to grow more prominent in her vision, the rest of the world around and behind it disappearing from her awareness entirely. She was still receiving the visual information that told her that things like the electric lights at the top of the hab were there, but her consciousness had become completely unable to process it. She felt so unbelievably good. Every movement was like a soft caress over the centre of her awareness, firing off every sense she had in the most delightful way she could imagine. "Are you dissociating right now, Raqi?" She hesitated for a moment, getting stuck on definitions. It only lasted for half a second though before her brain arrived on a decision, based on an interpretation of how she presumed Punica was using that word. "No." Spurred by a need to obey so strong that it overpowered even her desire to continue melting into the warmth, she pulled herself together just enough to provide a non-monosyllabic answer. "I'm... focusing." The plant's voice was kind and patient, like somebody was pouring honey directly into her ear. "Can you explain the difference to me?" It should have hurt her brain to be asked to do something so complicated. She felt like she could barely think at all right now, but somehow, the words came relatively easily now that it was Punica asking her for them. "Dissociating is... when there's something scary, or confusing, or painful. Focusing is... when you get told what to do... or you need to... pay attention." "I see. Can you tell me what it was that made you need to pay attention, flower?" "Your... finger." She blinked several times. "I can't... help looking at it. Can never help it. It's too... wired into my brain." Even though she was supposed to be focusing, she felt so unbearably sluggish at that moment. It was like her brain just could not get itself to move under these circumstances. So much of her attention was on Punica's finger that she couldn't dedicate any to actually thinking- All of a sudden, the plant's voice changed. "Listen to me, little one." In an instant, Punica's finger was gone. Instead, Raqi found herself staring into two deep, endlessly amber orbs; just like the fireplace that had been pulsating so nicely in her mind up until a little bit ago. "Eyes on me." Raqi focused. There wasn't so much as a moment's hesitation. Her mind simply instantly complied; the entirety of her focus directing at once to Punica. "I want you to speak clearly and concisely; just as you were earlier in the conversation. Can you do that for me?" "Yes." Her tone immediately solidified; the slurring that had begun in her speech dissipating on the spot, albeit not entirely. "Very good. Now, Raqi: You seem to me to be in a trance state. Would you agree with that assessment?" There was an alarm bell somewhere in the back of her head. It manifested as a pulse of awareness for just a split second; the world seeming to momentarily enlarge beyond Punica's golden orange eyes. She suddenly realised that she was in the process of making a mistake. What she was about to tell Punica would destroy her. It would end her in a way that nothing she had shared with the affini so far had done- A hand reached out and she felt fingers brushing through her feathers, sending a shockwave of bliss throughout her body. Her awareness slumped. The command to speak clearly was nothing in the face of the sheer pleasure that the soft touch was now bringing her. "It's alright," Punica spoke, her voice soft and gentle; warming and safe. "You have nothing to worry about, my dear." "Mmhhm." She let out a small noise of agreement. It was alright. She did have nothing to worry about. "Good girl." The sound sent shivers through her that felt almost better than anything she had for comparison. Her chest tingled in such a wonderful, intoxicating way. "Go ahead and answer the question for me." "I do agree." She was rewarded immediately by another instance of the fingers running through her hair. Some part of her couldn't believe how good it felt; how was it even possible that just having her head stroked could feel this good? She felt like she was melting- "Is this the first time you've been in such a state around me?" Clear and concise. It was important to be clear, but she also needed to provide accurate information. "No," she answered. "This is... I don't know which number of time. There have been two or so that I could think of before this." "And when were those, flower?" "When you first told me to focus on you when I was having a panic attack about medication... and when you started teasing me at the end of my play." Punica nodded approvingly. Even that, somehow, was enough to evoke a feeling of warm fuzziness in her brain. "Are you aware that it is not normal for most sophonts to be induced this easily into trance states?" "Yes." She knew she shouldn't elaborate. If she said what she was thinking of saying right now, it was going to be over. Punica would ask a follow-up question, and then the truth would all come pouring out. The situation would go from bad to unrecoverable. She couldn't let that- "I know that most people aren't even close to as suggestible as I am." The way that the words seemed to spill out of her mouth unbidden, almost as if there were a force other than her own will coaxing them out of her, inundated her with pleasure. It was like a dam had just been broken, and all of a sudden, everything she had been trying to hide was coming pouring out. She trusted Punica. She liked Punica. Most of all, she felt safe with Punica. She wanted her to know these things about her. She needed her to know these things about her, so that she could use them to make her feel good the way she had been hoping she would for so many days now. "When I was in Landamar," she continued, the words coming out as if on auto-pilot, "one of my favourite hobbies was learning about hypnosis. I loved it so much. I've been obsessed with it, for as long as I could remember. It was the first thing I really fixated on when I was younger- I used to spend so much time researching it, reading about it, looking up videos about it..." Her eyes fell slightly lidded, and she found she could no longer keep her gaze fixated on the plant's eyes. "I've... practised it- so much since then. To the point where it just feels like it's my natural state to be in, almost. It comes so easily to go into trance, and I love the way it makes me feel so much." "Every time you looked at me the right way," she murmured, her words becoming quieter and more slurred, "it was like you were just reaching into my brain and grabbing me... and I loved it so much." Her eyelids fluttered, barely able to keep them open any longer. "I wanted you to do it again, and again, and again. I couldn't stop myself from wanting it; no matter how hard I tried, it didn't matter, not even a bit..." Her eyes fell fully closed, and did not reopen. "That was... why I came here in the first place. That was what I... wanted..." Her head felt so heavy. Her body felt so wonderful that it was almost- not almost, it was impossible to resist. She felt her awareness slipping somewhere deep down, and far, far away; the same place that the wonderful song had gone to. Her voice fell to a whisper. "I wanted... to find someone... who could make me feel good..." Finally, it dissolved into nothing more than a moan. "Like... thisssssss..." It felt too good. Too warm. Too hypnotising. She wanted to stay awake - to keep feeling this wonderful - but it was impossible. She couldn't make decisions any more. That was for people who had free will. Raqi gave in, and fell asleep.
TerraTranslate :: Raqi Marr :: Punica Granatum :: The Affini Compact :: Landamar Mobile Fleet :: Hormone Replacement Therapy :: The Chimera Module :: Affini :: Intersidera :: Posters :: Magnesium :: Wonderland :: The Hundredth Time: Part I :: Communication :: aftermath :: Physical Confrontation :: Garments :: Interspecies Comparisons :: Touch :: Equality ::