The Fool Embracing the Thorn Bush

[Some time at the beginning of the ball]
 
When I realized the very individuals who inflicted the deepest wounds upon me are also responsible for the person I am today, it fundamentally altered my perception of pain, trauma, negativity, and the obstacles that beset me.
 
There were times when those in society showed me no empathy, so I resolved to extend that very compassion to those others deemed unworthy. There were times when their words and actions caused me great physical and emotional harm, so I vowed to never inflict such pain upon another. Of course, life has placed me in situations where I felt I had no choice, particularly where those I hold dear are concerned. I am not one to passively accept injustice, and I often follow my own sense of morality. Heh... where is justice and morality in that? There were times when society treated me as if I were invisible, as if I held no value. So, I determined to ensure that everyone else felt seen and valued, regardless of their titles, connections, or social standing. I confess, not every attempt was successful.
 
I discovered that those who inflict pain do so because they are hurting themselves, and I vowed to never perpetuate that cycle. Some might call it embracing the thorn bush. I call it embracing the very worst within myself, so that it might become the catalyst for the best version of myself. But what has this brought me? I have been wounded in countless ways: physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually... Little do they know, the deepest hurts I have suffered have never come from an enemy.
 
This internal conflict has taken its toll. I hope, when this is all over, perhaps... just perhaps... things might go right for me, for once. When their happiness is realized, perhaps there can be happiness for me as well.
 
Look at me... tears... as if my body already knows. When I look up at the sky with tears in my eyes, it feels as though I am submerged underwater. Is this the result of reaching out to one's reflection in a still puddle? Falling in, and now gazing up at the surface, realizing the dark depths below are a point of no return?
 
Their was a time where I thought that maybe being the heir would fix all my problems, maybe then I wouldn't need to reach out to a reflection. I was fool for thinking that.
There was a time where I thought that if I had put my mind, body and soul to into insuring they would not suffer perhaps I wouldn't need to reach out to a reflection. I again, a fool for thinking that.
There was a time where I thought that if I could only just collaborate and perhaps include them however I can perhaps I wouldn't need to reach out to a reflection. At what point does a fool stop trying.
 
Why cannot I rely on myself for happiness? Why is it so difficult for me? I do not understand...
I must wipe these tears before anyone sees me thus. I must embrace the thorn bush.