Familiar(?) beginnings

My story begins a long twenty two years ago that I cannot recall. Pepper in some deep-seated emotional trauma I cannot remember and here we are.
 
Lost Hope, what a cruel mistress you be? The first time, you nearly kill me.
The next time you kill Banbeck. I will not speak ill of the man. Then Nash. More details to come of those endeavors, but for now, I will lament the hurt I felt.
 
I lost two, friends(?) I a matter of a week, if even, right in front of my eyes. And I did nothing, it ripped pain though me that felt almost familiar, I couldn't put my finger on it. I didn't talk much and I took that hard.
 
Was it worth it? Probably not. At least not in my opinion.