My Life is Literally Over

What is the fucking point of having a room in a library if no one is allowed to read any of the books in it? Like, seriously, who came up with that brilliant idea! Ugh! FML. This is unfair, it's unjust, it's, it makes complete sense, unfortunately. I broke into a super-secret, forbidden room in a motherfucking library. I get that it was off limits, but I don't think expulsion is an appropriate response. Maybe flunking me a grade, but kicking me out literally the day after seems like a bit much.
What am I gonna tell dad? How pissed is he going to be when he learns that I blew the literal thousands of gold he spent to get me in here? How can I confront him after this? If I go home, there is absolutely no way he will ever forgive me. Not only him, but I let Soldaath down. They don't know that he helped me, at least, but I hope he is all right. Gods, why am I so fucking myopic! How could I have not seen the way he felt! I feel like such a bitch!
Please, I hope he stays safe. He has such a promising future, I hope my mistake doesn't ruin it for him. I swear, one day I will find him, and apologize.
I plan on going with Pyre until I can work up the courage to talk to Soldaath again. He seems like a nice enough guy, although I will have to ask him more about his homeland. Looking forward to that.
 
 
-Loves and Kisses
Kalisa Fei