The Preposterous Ponderings of a Pint-sized Peripatetic

I was lookin forward to a night o drunkin an singin, an maybe tellin me tale, and lo an behold these fish-men come attackin me beach. Well, I put a whippin to em and sent half to their graves, and the other half runnin wit their tail 'tween their legs.
And what's me reward? Only to find the loveliest face to sail the open seas. I'll make 'er love me. All the ladies love me eventually. How could they not? I'm Lambert Underfoot, the Hero of Uppershire.
 
-Yes, yes Seoirse, I know yer hungry. 'Ere's a nice fish-man finger I snagged fer ya. Eat up lil buddy