Shame

I have let my tribe down. I have let my employer down. I have let myself down.
 
In my thirty-seven summers of life, I have always prided myself on my levels of self-control. I have always respected the way of my people: to think first, act second. I maintain that perspective on life and I do not stray from the path my people set me upon. But while at Salindra's Hope, all those lessons, all those years of self-control were torn away and I knew what it was to be the hunter and the hunted.
 
I cannot sleep. Whenever I close my eyes, the visions come again. It is a hunt like no other I have ever known. Such glory. Such reward. Such heart-racing excitement. I loose my arrows, one, two, three, all in rapid succession and each strikes true. But I cannot tell what they strike. Is it man or beast? Monster or mother? It doesn't matter. All that matters is the thrill of the chase and the ecstasy of the kill.
 
My blood thumps to the rhythm of the pulsing heartbeat. The hunt. The hunt is calling me...
 
And so I wake, sweat-drenched and with the steel taste of blood in my mouth.
 
I am weak. I am ashamed.
 
I must strive to be better than this. But I do not know where to start. It is one of those times when I yearn for the guidance of my tribe's elders and those who read the skeins of fate. But I am far from home. This is a battle of my own.
 
I will overcome.
 
I must overcome.
 
But the hunt will always call.