To be a Captain

Mom, I think they mean to name me, Captain.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it, I just hope I've earned it or at least deserve it.
 
We have only been up here briefly Mom, and my heart both swells with joy and sinks like a stone knowing you aren't here. I've looked to the command deck several times hoping you'd be there, wind in your hair. Nothings been the same these past 5 years. I remember so many of your lessons, and now I strain to recall all you told me of this space. Of your home.
 
We have the makings of a solid crew. There is a kobold that might be problematic, I've tried convincing him the 'Quartermaster' is a position of the highest esteem, which it is. I just have a feeling I need to keep him away from the helm. The big guy Armitage, a prickly pear if I ever met one. He seemed a bit perturbed at what I was able to do. "are you touched, or just lucky?" I rarely give questions that much thought, but he has a point. Am I touched? Maybe I am.
 
"Sailors don't dwell son, it never served a sailor to dwell."
 
But I did mom. I know I shouldn't and I am doing my best to look to the horizon, to keep my feet and stay optimistic. Its hard mom, life is hard.
 
Then there is MarV, I mean where to begin with him... fascinating. He seems to be a being after my own heart, either way I believe we will be fast friends. Says it knows how to maintain these ships. We need all the experienced hands we can get. Last but not least, the quiet one Songbird. He recoils from just about anything, I never met a man so run down. Not sure how to approach someone of that...disposition. Much like that salty Armitage, I'll find a way to win both them over. I'll need too if I am to be a Captain.
 
Mom, the last four days were the closest to I've been to breaking. Ever. Watching what Krokoin did to our home. Kyp and I couldn't take it anymore. We blew it up, Mom. I'm sorry, I'd rather the Starchaser sit at the bottom of the sea than in his rotten and bloody hands. Am I touched?
 
The Kindori whales mom, they are more beautiful than I could've imagined. I think they spoke to us. It took all I had to hold it together. I stopped believing it was real and I am so sorry for that. Its felt like I was meant to reach the stars that day. Like it was fated to happen. Or am I just lucky?
 
I think of Numeliador now, and of Dad. They are out there I just have to find them. We got a ship and a crew... we may be in desperate need of supplies but hey we've been in tighter spots. I would say as long as the winds at our backs everything will work out. I am starting to think I am touched and I am lucky. They can doubt and make their jokes, I've been there before. Nothing can drag me down.
 
Fynn set the pencil in the book and closed it, leaned forward and smiled.