Too Much and Not enough

He' s gone...really gone. It was a goodbye that I never thought would happen. If anything ,I thought It would be me saying farewell as I aged out. I'm so proud of him, as only a mother could be proud...but my grief is also that of a mother.
 
Gisele always encouraged everyone to journal when our emotions became too big to feel inside our mortal bodies but I've never taken the time to do so...always finding a distraction in others emotions or my duties at school...but with my Yovel's departure, I find my feelings... to be too much... too overwhelming..... so I will honor you ,Gisele, my greatest teacher ,the one who was a mother to me... I will try.
 
I feel an ache inside where my heart resides, a heaviness that weighs the body and soul down. Saying goodbye to our gentle giant.... but also to our fierce and courageous Elaine. Just when she opened her heart to us , she also realized, she has her own soul searching to do. I'm so proud of both of them.... as I would be of one of my dear students....but neither one of them are my students,..they are so much more than that... so I had no control over their departure. I think that is part of what bothers me so...I had no time to prepare for their goodbyes. no time to prepare them as I did my students...to face the outside world which can be harsh and cruel..... but I digress.... with every goodbye comes the space for a hello. A new face joins us as well as one we are familiar with. SO many changes make the head dizzy and unbalanced I'm not sure where to turn. We've come so far and done so much we've barely had time to process it all.
Our newest friend, Ikoros, another gentle giant has joined us. He can never replace Yovel but I will open my heart to welcome him to our family... I will try....so much has been locked away within my heart...that with all these goodbyes and changes I'm afraid the container has begun to crack.
I digress again...this journaling isn't as fluid as I thought it would be. Perhaps its my age that's showing....or too much has happened for me to keep straight.....or perhaps my mushroom tea was not the best idea before taking pen to paper.....
I must remember what we've done. After defeating Alderanth , with Tak making the final blow , capturing the chalice he searched for to bring is sister back from the dead...he instead met with her in the inbetween, where they shared a conversation , one of remarkable secrets. Tak allowed his sister to move on rather than bring her back, as were her wishes, but instead shared that Tak is in fact only half dwarven. His mother is a Furbolt Giant! and she's ALIVE. Tak's sister was able to move on and he used the chalice to heal our dear friend Callow of his curse! THE magical artifact we fought for did not call out to Tak as the Helmet did with our dear Elaine..... It spoke to Ikoros...A strange turn of events but one we will accept as who can know the minds of the Gods.....Ikoros being a follower of Foltis may be more suited to carry this task as Tak's oath wasn't entirely genuine.
Speaking of artifacts, Elaine finally asked for help to destroy the helmet! What a beautiful moment it was ....the joining of family and learning that she is never truly alone, that burdens can be shared with loved ones ...that asking for help does not make one weak.
Oh and I almost forgot we have another new traveling companion...COAL...a panther of regal baring. He found Astrid while she was out foraging, and connected with her in a way that can only mean she has become a Ranger! Also the gift of a bow may have been another indication. I cant wait to see her grow into this new friendship and learning.
I feel uneasy about the last turn of events for new companions and revelations. Finnick has returned...and he attacked us...or did we strike first..it all happened so fast. It was a k nee jerk reaction to go on the defensive, our last encounter together did not go well. He's hurt so many, he hurt our Elaine. She almost died....and in that moment you could see Finnick realize how far he had strayed from who he truly is. He removed the crown that Viron placed on his head in that ghastly ceremony and begged us for mercy....and for Elaine....we will try....
I'm not sure if mercy is in us....after all we've been through.....I want to see the good in us all but .....is any one of us truly that selfless.