On Tapped Power

After some training under the Grand Magus Verr, I decided to embrace the power I've been given, and that which I've found but... is it enough? My first opportunity to even try was at the disaster at the lunar festival. All this power at my disposal, and I felt so... powerless. Like nothing I could do was enough. Like it couldn't be enough. So many people died because I wasn't quick enough or strong enough to save them.
 
Even after all that, people were still praising me. Talking about everyone I saved... should that make me happy? What if I could have saved more? What if I had been less of a coward? Maybe if I had leaned into this power from the start I could have done something to prevent the disaster. Maybe even predict it. I didn't summon Verr during that fight. The thought didn't cross my mind... I thought he would be there. I didn't think to use it in the city where he was... Did I doom more people to die because I wasn't quick enough?
 
I can't hesitate when it comes to power. Maybe things won't go well, but failure from trying feels better than failure from doing nothing... Am I crazy to think like this?