Pathless

I am done. I am completely, utterly done. I wander in the dark, and I have no path.
 
This wild chase around the continent, this constant vigilance. Assassins, both us and against us. My mind, still completely shattered, my connection to the my people severed.
And now this.
 
I wanted to believe it so badly. I have for several years now. A goddess, a good goddess, capable of slaying demon lords. Imagine the possibilities. The potential. So much suffering that we would be able to alleviate, to negate, to prevent entirely. Too good to be fucking true. Of course.
"The Redeemer Queen" Varkallin said. "She wants to be the protector of exiles, goddess of artists, and shed her past". How naïve I was. Trusting a demon to become good? It goes against every single thing anyone is ever told as a child. But yeah, sure Jacquie. This one is good, because it sounds nice.
 
Ten years. Ten years wasted. It is no long time, but all that I have done in her service. The people I've sheltered. The inconsistencies I've turned a blind eye to. A literal succubus being planted in connection to the Akkonian court on her bidding by me. My non-descript answers to a group of people who I've been in the deepest of troubles with. All the while adamant in my faith. This will pass. She will be known as the Redeemer Queen to all, and she will take her rightful place in the pantheon. If I just push further. If I just hold fast to her. I will lie to my parents, that they do not find out and be worried. They will understand in the end. MORON. IDIOT. HOW COULD I BE SO DUMB?
 
She asked me to betray Izdubar. When he would be located in Rankarrus, I was to make sure he did not find a way out. He would be stuck forever. "A fitting end" she said.
That is not the belief of a good goddess. That is not the a stance of a goddess adamant on ending demon lords for the good of the world, or the protector of exiles. Izdubar IS a fucking exile. This was the bidding of a demon lord of subversion and betrayal, and she demanded of me, her loyal follower, to do this or to stop leeching from her powers. I am not a follower of a fucking demon. I am not a cleric of subversion and betrayal, I won't stand for this. She can keep her dirty magic. She can keep her schemes, her subterfuge, her backhanded business and her whoring. I'm done being taken for granted.
 
I will leave her behind me. I will use her powers one last time to warn Izdubar. Fitting use for her magic at least. Protecting the exile. She won't be the one severing her magic from me. Fuck that. I choose my own way, I will cut it myself. I will find someone more worthy of my service, that will help me put an end to the Karapanate and whatever the fuck they are planning to do with the yellow books. If that so takes days or weeks, I do not care.
 
I've come to realize that beauty is for the vain, the easily charmed and the optimists. The world is beautiful, but it can never be beauty alone that eradicates what is corrupt and broken.
I retract my earlier statement. I am not pathless. I have a path. I just need the right power to give me a light.
 
I hope Nocticula chokes on Vyriavaxus' dick.