Session 109

General Summary

• The party awakened to find that Snap, Crackle, and Pop were still here. Grogery made breakfast, and the goblins devoured everything that would have been leftovers.
• As they went downstairs, they were "greeted" by an old man, the same one who was present in the inn when they had first arrived.
• He spoke as if he was narrating their actions — present and near future — and heavily implied that he was not entirely uninvolved with "The Metronome Man".
• They headed to the butcher shop — run by Momma, of course — and after some last-minute preparations to fashion an ear that looks like it could have come from Kiirni, they headed off into the swamp, with Kesmet taking over driving Marvin's toad so that he could focus on making his disguise.
• Along the way, Snap ran in front of Kesmet's toad, and the toad took a huge bite out of his shoulder. Dwardazik intervened to shield the goblin with his body to avoid any further damage; Kesmet ultimately forced the toad to regurgitate them with a well-placed Fire Bolt into the mouth.
• They set up camp for the night, discussed Grogery's age and backstory a little, and took a long rest — uneventful, thanks to Dwardazik's fine scouting work.
• The next day, they finalized all their preparations and made it to Igo's Altar, only to discover that The Hounds Guild members there were actively under attack.

Full Recap

Dwardazik, with a sigh: A part of me kinda wished that these goblin folks were a terrible nightmare, but I guess this is something we'll have to deal with.   Grogery: I've got breakfast today. I want to show these guys how it's done.   Dwardazik: I understand, just don't get too flashy with it.   Grogery: It's... it's sun bread.   Dwardazik: Yeah, don't remind me... I can taste it now: ...nothin'.   Kesmet: I'm just gonna spice it with my spice box.   Dwardazik: Look, I know that you keep trying this, but it's not going to work, Kesmet. No matter how much you put on there, it's still going to taste like nothing. So, we got a plan for how we're going to do this "body" replacement? With an ear?   Dazki: I think Marvin had ideas on how to do it, with clays and stuff like that that he has in his disguise kit.   Dwardazik: I'm just really worried. What if they have some way of determining its origin? This is going to turn into a fight if we don't cover all our bases. We should have an escape route, or some other kind of backup plan.   Kesmet: Isn't the "backup plan" that we fight 'em?   Dwardazik: Look. I don't want to fight everyone.   Grogery: The absolute extreme backup plan is that, if we are in serious trouble, I can always Word of Recall us back to Ashport.   Marvin: Kesmet, a question for you. You know a lot about werewolves, right?   Kesmet: I know everything about werewolves! (Deception 21) Sure!   Marvin: If I make this fake ear, then do werewolves — not in their wolf form — still have the heightened smell?   Kesmet: I can't get fake drugs past them, so yeah. What if we douse it with, like, extra drugs? That way, they can't really smell that it's not.   Marvin: Hmm. So if the fake ear we give them has an overpowering drug smell, then they won't be able to tell it's not a real ear.   Kesmet: Actually, I have this pile of ash that I scooped up —   Marvin: Oh, that's perfect! Kesmet, you're a genius! We'll say that we shoved her body into the furnace, and then I realized "oh shit, I need proof", and quickly ran in to cut off her ear. That's why it's all covered in ash!   Kesmet: Yeah, and I can perform "healing hands" on the edge of the ear to make it seem like it actually was torn off during the fire, and then we sprinkle some ash on it so that they'll be like "yeah, this smells like elemental ash".   Grogery: Did you just call "burning hands"... "healing hands"?!   Kesmet: No. (Deception 24)   Dwardazik: Naw, I'm pretty sure you did.   Dazki: Yes. Yes he did.   Dwardazik: A part of me is really... ... ...ugh, I guess this is what we have to do. Might as well just get over it... no point complaining about having to do the hard work.   Marvin: Yeah, let's go visit the butcher.   Dazki: Well, what would you suggest, Dwardazik?   Dwardazik: No, honestly it's a good idea. I'm just sad that we even have to consider it.   Dazki: All right, fair enough. Off to see a butcher.   Grogery: First...

Grogery wakes up the goblins.

Grogery: Hey guys. You said we needed to get an early start today?

Grogery: Are you asking for food?   A goblin, looking incredulous: Uh... ... yeah. You're chief. You provide. You said you had food.   Grogery: Yes, I will get the food outside. Follow us.   A goblin: This is not having food, this is getting food.   Grogery: The food is outside.   Pop, scoffing: Food... trap? Food trap.

Grogery sighs and goes to cast Create Food and Water where a small beam of sunlight is shining through a window.

Grogery: Let everyone get some food! There's more than enough for everybody!

Kesmet growls back with a Minor Illusion'd roar of his own.

Dwardazik, as he digs in: I gotta tell you, this non-tasting bread is particularly non-tasty today. Thanks, Grogery!   Grogery: It usually "tastes" better when it's outside, in the sun, as nature intended.   Dwardazik: Now, listen here, Snap, Crackle, and...   Dwardazik: ..."Steve"?   Dazki: "Pop". They're "Snap", "Crackle", and "Pop".   Dwardazik: ...and Pop. You'd better be following Grogery's instructions as "chief", all right? You try to mess with him or any of us, we're gonna send you on a one-way trip out of this town. Understood?

Dazki: What's wrong, Grogery?   Grogery: Well, I'm basically the only one who can communicate with them... on and off.   Marvin: I can understand them if I cast my spell, but I can't speak back.   Grogery: I think it's safe to say that I'm going to spend a lot of my time wrangling them and figuring out what they're saying. So I'm going to be pretty distracted.   Marvin: If only I could speak back to them! Should've taken that other spell!   Dazki: Well, you know, that's part of being a leader! Having to understand and interpret the words and desires of your followers.   Grogery: This is true. Plus, it's also helping me brush up on my Goblinese.   Dwardazik: Usually helps when everyone that you're trying to understand has the same general goal. Like, I dunno, "mine all the valuable gems in the mine". "Make sure the clan is safe". "Try not to cannibalize ourselves in our sleep".   Dwardazik: I'm implying that the goblins would eat us. In our sleep.   Dazki: Well, luckily, no one was eaten in our sleep, so I don't think we have to worry about that one!   Dwardazik: I'm just sayin'! It's not the same. We don't even know these goblins!   Dazki: I didn't really know you when we started working together, and that turned out fine. Open minds!   Dwardazik: I am willing to humor the situation. I'm just saying I still don't trust them.   Marvin, elbowing Dwardazik: Yeah! It's not like they're drow or anything!   Dwardazik, elbowing him back much harder: Yeah! Not like they're drow or anything!   Dazki: Well! I can see that this conversation is going to go somewhere fast. Let's head downstairs and make sure we can get things ready for the day.   Dwardazik: Something tells me it's going to be a wild day...   Kesmet: All right. Let's go find a butcher and take care of the ear business.   Dwardazik: Maybe we should... not... invite SnapCracklePop into the butcher's? Where there's a lot of food, and they'll try to eat everything?   Dazki: That's a good point.   Dwardazik: Just voicing some concern.   Grogery: That's fine, I can keep an eye on 'em.

They head downstairs.

Old Man:

Eventually making their way, bleary-eyed, into the tavern proper, the adventurers toe the emotional lines — anxious in the unfamiliar territory, but giddy that they have once again manipulated the weaker-willed into joining their crusade. As emotional tension rises, they look around the tavern for somebody, anybody, to be the next victim of their frustration.

Dwardazik: I didn't realize you were a bard! Where do you hail from, fellow?   Old Man: You know... here, there.   Marvin: Bards also don't typically predict the future.   Dazki: So, I'm assuming you have been sent here looking for us. Is that correct?   Old Man: I am never "sent", and I am never "looking".   Marvin: Let me guess. The next thing you're gonna say is, you always happen to be exactly where you need to be?   Dwardazik: Look, perhaps we got off on the wrong foot. (He approaches the old man's table and takes a seat.) The name's Dwardazik Stoneturner Boulderhearth. And your name?   Old Man: My name is wholly irrelevant.   Dwardazik: Nice to meet you, "Wholly Irrelevant". So, what brings you to this part of town?   Old Man:

"Why, I've been here for many decades", he lied.

Dazki: You've been sitting at the table for that long?   Dwardazik: Look. If you have a message, or you're trying to play some kind of angle, just go ahead and state it. I don't think we really have the time today to be messing around with vague cryptic responses. Are you our enemy? Are you an ally? Are you just some passerby?   Old Man:

The adventurers grow ever more concerned and confused as they speak to the old man. Was he an enemy? An ally?

Dazki: Dwardazik, it's pretty clear that he's someone who is involved with — or has at least been influenced by — "The Metronome Man".   Dwardazik: I didn't want to come out and say it, but it looks to be that way.   Marvin: Then we shouldn't even be near this guy!   Dazki: I'm sure he's been keeping tabs on us since we came in yesterday. There's not really much we can do about him now, other than just go on with our business.   Dwardazik: Are you forgetting something? (He looks to the man to see if there are any signs of robot. (Insight 7) no idea if this man is made of flesh-and-blood, copper-and-steel, air-and-fairy-dust.) Look, if you need some kind of help to break "The Metronome Man"'s curse, just blink twice.   Old Man:

As they speak with the old man, they run through their familiar set of tricks:

• at first, pretending like they had nothing to do with the situation,
• then, offering some kind of vague "assistance", even though it was not asked.

The man stays silent, drowsy from the evening's journey.

Dazki and Marvin leave the tavern.   Dwardazik:

The dwarf, upon realizing that the old man had traveled a very long distance, ponders where the old man came from, to which the old man responded:

Old Man: Son, it's not kind of you to break the fourth wall. I suggest you stick to the story.   Dwardazik, sitting up: Have a nice day. Oh — and, if you are related to "The Metronome Man" — well, I think we're going to be having a conversation rather soon.   Old Man: Tick-tock! The endless march of time never stops.   Dwardazik turns to leave, along with the rest, stopping at the door to say one last thing:   Dwardazik: Oh, and at least have the decency to leave the civilians out of it!

Dwardazik: So, we're looking for a butcher? Perhaps we should ask some locals.   Dazki: They don't seem to have anything resembling a market square here. I'll just look for signs.

Dazki, as he rings the bell: Placing bets now. Who thinks it's gonna be Momma?   Marvin: Oh, I absolutely think it's Momma.   Dwardazik: Eh, I don't think Momma would get her hands dirty with something like this.   Marvin: She said she's stabbed a bitch or two in her time.   Dwardazik: But she also volunteered us as security for her establishment.

Dwardazik pulls out a silver coin.

Marvin: Hey, we never talked numbers. You don't have to give that to me.   Dwardazik: Whoops, I dropped it.   Marvin: ...really? (He begrudgingly picks it up.)   Momma: You know, guys, too much meat early in the day is really gonna make it difficult to travel later. Take it from Momma!   Dwardazik looks at her, suspiciously. (Insight 17) this is the same Momma you were dealing with last night.   Dazki: Sounded too mechanical to be magic, anyway.   Momma, ignoring that: I'm tellin' ya, you're really gonna want to stick to the lighter stuff in the morning or you're gonna get bogged down out there.   Marvin: Oh, it's not for us, it's for our friends.   Dwardazik: You have experience with adventuring, then?   Momma: Oh, Momma's seen a thing or two.   Dwardazik: You should definitely share with us a tale. Perhaps later, over at the tavern?   Marvin: No, NO, don't, no, Dwardazik! She's gonna think you're hitting on her!   Dazki: Anyway, so we're looking for something. Do you have, like, pig, or anything like that? We need something to fashion an ear out of. Since we're just being all upfront about everything.   Marvin: The tip of an alligator tail might do, if you don't have swine.   Momma: You want to make an ear out of something?   Dazki: Yeah.   Momma: I got lots of meat, but pig and stuff? That's luxurious! Where the heck are you guys hailin' from, you pickin' up, like, pigs and goats and shit, man?   Marvin: Places where it's quite dry, compared to here.   Dwardazik: Downriver.   Momma: Shucks, man, I didn't realize you guys were this fancy!   Marvin: We're over here asking to be able to make an ear out of your goods... that's... you don't think that comes across as... unscrupulous?! Questionable?   Dwardazik: No, that sounds normal, I would suppose.   Momma grabs a large knife from under the counter and cleans it off with a rag, then sharpens it on some leathers.   Momma: I'm not fixin' to really butcher a lot right now — we're mostly just drying everything that's was fished up from before — but, you know, I always have a big ol' pile of scraps I like to bait things with, feed the local wildlife.   Dazki: Makes sense.   Marvin: OK. Is "alligator" a part of what you normally catch?   Momma: Oh, yeah, Momma loves gator!   Marvin: Oh! OK, lots of gator. Any gator scraps in that pile?   Momma: Well, if you lads just want to rifle through and be animalistic about it. It's just gonna be chum, anyways.   Dwardazik: What would this cost us, then? A couple of coppers?   Momma: Sure, yeah, a couple coppers. That'll work.

Marvin gives her two coppers and then starts muttering to himself about not wanting to get close to the "giant fucking meat pile", eventually holding his nose and starts using Mage Hand to gently rifle through some of the corpses, when Dazki just up and reaches into there. (Investigation 20) He finds enough bits that he thinks will work for this.

Dazki: Keep in mind, I haven't done this before. But from what I can tell, it looks like we've got what we need.   Marvin: Sweet! I will see what I can do, while we're on the road, with the toads.   Momma: Momma does love a man who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty.   Dazki: Well, like I said — unfortunately, I am taken. And I am going to keep true to those vows. But I do appreciate the compliment.   Dwardazik: I would be interested in listening to some of your adventuring tales? Maybe over an ale? Just for the information, of course.   Momma: We'll see. We'll see.

They leave the butcher shop and regroup to get onto the toads. Kesmet hands Marvin the vial of ash, asking for the empty vial back once he's done. This request gets him a few eyebrows from the party.

Kesmet: I also have a 15% coupon, that we received from the mob.   Marvin: For what?!   Kesmet: For just anything! It was attached to the end of that message that... what's-his-face?... James got, after he interrogated the dude.   Dazki: I don't think it's going to work for this mob, though. It's for the other mob.   Kesmet: I know, I'm just saying, I have a 15%-off coupon. If we ever need to make a big purchase.   Marvin: I'll keep that in mind, Kesmet. I won't be able to drive one of the toads, if I'm going to be crafting on the way.   Grogery, looking at the trunk that the goblins are still carrying: What's in the trunk?   A goblin: brother heirloom.   Grogery: You're gonna have to repeat that again. I don't know Goblinese very well. Is that an heirloom of your brother, or that is your brother?   A different goblin: brother. heirloom.   The third goblin: brother. heirloom. ... ...alcohol!   Second goblin: yes! brother. heirloom. alcohol!   Grogery: Somehow, that doesn't make it any clearer...   (Insight 20) They're still hard to understand, but you are concerned with the degree of reverence they give to the contents within this crate. They also clearly don't want to be specific about the contents of their crate, which draws suspicion.   Grogery: ...is your brother in that crate?   A goblin: yes brother heirloom alcohol. brother heirloom alcohol.

---

Dwardazik, whispering to Dazki: Do you think we should try and, I don't know, truth-spell these goblins? They kinda look angry...   Dazki: I think Goblinese is just a very angry-sounding language.   Dwardazik, with a sigh: Please don't say "I told you so" to me if we end up getting backstabbed...   Dazki: I'm not saying we just give them carte blanche to just do whatever and not keep an eye on them! But give a little trust. Like I told Baxton, I want the world to be a good place. A better place, where people are kind and honest and trust each other. Part of that is living as if that world were true — while keeping your eyes open. So, for now, I'm going to believe that they have more-or-less positive intentions, while not turning my back on them.

Dwardazik: I'm just saying, I trust that they have their own interests in mind.   Dazki: Oh, yeah, absolutely.   Dwardazik: Ah... what is life without adventure, right?   Marvin: What is bravery without a little bit of foolish recklessness?   Dwardazik: Marvin, I'm still surprised you came back from that casino night.   Marvin: I'm surprised I'm still alive after that as well!   Dwardazik: I'm just saying... you know...   Marvin: What, you think I was gonna just let all this excitement go away?   Dwardazik: No, no, I'm just sayin'... I didn't think you'd survive!   Marvin: Neither did I, friend. Neither did I. Anyway!   Dwardazik, motioning towards the goblins: We have what we need, then? If we have what we need, then perhaps we should leave.   Dazki: Yep. Marvin said he's not going to be able to drive one of the toads.   Kesmet: I think I can drive one of them. I'll drive Marvin's, because he's using ashes and what not.   Dwardazik: Well, I have to say I'm not familiar with handling animals particularly well, especially something like this... I would say don't put me in charge.   Dazki: Kesmet says he's got it for one of 'em, and Barry seemed to be good with the other.   Dwardazik: Seems good enough to me.   Barry: I dunno, I'm still just kinda processing this whole thing.   Dwardazik: Listen, Barry. You've done just fine so far, when we went out to find that tree. And so far, so good! (He approaches Barry and pats him nicely on the back. He holds Barry's hand, "not romantically".) Listen. You can do it! You got this! You're an equal member of the party, and you can handle those animals like a true lad!   Dwardazik takes a few steps back, gives a thumbs-up, and moves over to Marvin.   Dwardazik: So, do you need a place to work on this? Are we gonna set it up beforehand?   Marvin: No, the toad moves around enough, but honestly, it's fine.   Dwardazik: All right... I know that we probably should have a better plan than this, but you know, let's just wing it.   Marvin: You mean like we always do?   Dwardazik: Hasn't failed us yet!   Dazki: All right. So, Grogery, I think your goblin friends knew the general direction of the place we're going? The shrine we're heading towards?   Grogery: Uh-huh.   Dazki: Would you mind asking if they could give us a little bit of guidance? While they do that, I'm going to keep an eye out for the signs and symbols that we were told to find along the way.

Grogery instructs the goblins to help guide the party to the shrine they were talking about yesterday (Igo's Altar).

Swamp Walk

During the long travel there, he tries to impress upon them that the party is going to go into a dangerous situation; if Grogery tells them to stay somewhere, then they need to do it, otherwise they will get hurt.

A goblin: No, we protect chief! We strong family goblins don't leave tribe behind!   Grogery, motioning to the other party members: Their job is to protect chief. Your job is to help us figure out where to go, and to not die so we don't get stranded out here.   A goblin: Not stranded. Never stranded. Just different home for a while!   Grogery: Listen, OK? I can do some very powerful healing magic. But if anything very bad happens to you guys, you each have one shot, OK?   Two of the goblins: One shot!   Grogery: After that, if you want to be reckless... I can't stop you from fighting for a cause you believe in, but I have to also keep resources in reserve for when they're needed, OK?   The goblins seem a little confused, as if Grogery missed part of the translation, but they still agree.   A goblin: OK. Fight for chief, only die twice!   Grogery: No, preferably, you don't die at all, because then we have more shinies at the end of the day!   A goblin: Chief. Chief dies no times.   Grogery: I suppose this is correct: if I die, I can't bring anybody back. But I can take a lot more than you can!   A goblin: Of course! You're chief! If you couldn't, you wouldn't be chief!   Grogery: I... can't disagree with you... if I couldn't take what I can take, then I probably wouldn't be here... to be chief...   A goblin: Not stupid goblins!

Dazki keeps an eye out for ambushes and the signs that they're supposed to follow.

Dwardazik: How ya holdin' up, Barry?   Barry: I mean, I'm fine, I just, I don't understand... ... ...that's it.   Dwardazik: You know, there are a lot of questions in life. When you go into a mine, you have to wonder: is your mineshaft safe? Is the material you're mining correct? Should you go here, should you go there? It's not about always knowing. It's about trusting your judgment and making the best decision you possibly can in the moment.   Barry: Well, I think this whole thing stinks to high heaven. That's my judgment.   Dwardazik: I have to say, I think our plan could be better. But, the most important thing is that you can guide us to where we need to go. We're putting a lot of our trust in you, Barry.   Barry: ...that's not what I really meant, but OK.   Dwardazik: Uh, if you meant literally — then, might I add... maybe some sniffing salts?   Barry: I don't think I like the swamp. And I don't think I like this drug deal. I thought you guys were done doing illegal things?   Kesmet: It's not a drug deal, it's a sting!   Dwardazik: You know, a part of me has to agree with you. It is kinda frustrating that we always somehow end up on the wrong side of the law. But, frankly, we're doing it for the greater good, right?   Dazki: I mean... maybe?   Dwardazik: ...that's a good point...   Dazki: We're doing it for the status quo.   Kesmet: I'm doing it for revenge.   Dwardazik: Ugh. Well, as you can see, Barry, it's all of the above! So therefore, it all cancels out, and that makes it neutral! Which means it's OK, right?   Barry: Umm... ... ...all right, but I can't really afford to have drug charges on my rap, man! I don't know what other junk I did in the past! And so, like, all those crimes are probably still gonna count? I don't need more of them!   Dwardazik: Why do you think you did a whole bunch of crimes in your past life?   Barry: I'm just saying if I did...   Dazki, looking to Dwardazik: I'm assuming he was, at the very least, a bounty hunter. So, you know... and he's familiar with the lingo of the Undermart. I'm not saying he was a criminal, but he probably had at least one foot in that world.   Barry: I'm sayin' we don't know, so, like, why add things to it?!   Dwardazik: Don't life your life in — ... ... ...ahh, dammit.   Dazki laughs.

---

Dwardazik jumps off to try and grab Snap, in order to yank him out, with Kesmet assisting by sprinkling black pepper on it to try to make it sneeze. Something pops in Snap's shoulder, as the toad pulls him further in. Dwardazik jumps in, using his body to shield Snap from the toad's sharp teeth.

• Grogery tries to hit it with his mace, but he can't quite make a blow that connects.
• Marvin successfully casts Confusion on the toad, packs up his progress, and jumps off the toad.
• Dazki breaks off part of his bar of soap and tries to throw it into the toad's mouth, missing it entirely (and Dwardazik fails to catch it to help).
• Kesmet jumps off and smashes a vial of tar against one of the toad's teeth, doing seemingly nothing. He follows it up with a Fire Bolt attack into the mouth, which is enough to force the toad to regurgitate Dwardazik and Snap eight feet in front of it. Dwardazik throws Snap further to get him out of harm's reach.
• The toad, in its confusion, attacks Kesmet.
• Grogery heals Snap (though his shoulder is still messed up) and yells at Marvin to get control of the toad.
• Marvin drops the Confusion spell and uses his mandolin to cast Animal Friendship, regaining control of it.

Dwardazik: Is everyone doin' all right over there?!   Marvin: I think we should be asking you that, Dwardazik!   Dwardazik: Ain't nothin' unusual over here. I'd be yelling for Grogery if there was an issue. I'm more concerned about the little lad. He looked like he got hit real hard, there!   Grogery: Yeah, his arm is pretty... not good. I've done what I can.   Dwardazik: Ugh... damn goblins...

Dazki: Well, we should look for a spot to rest for the night after that, I think.   Dwardazik: With that much excitement, I gotta say, a good night's rest would be nice. Besides, my ass hurts from sitting on this frog! You know, if you go on a cart, that's one thing. You can have some padding. But you sit on a frog, and every single step, it's like, BAM! Even worse than a horse!

They search around for a campsite, as Grogery explains the toad rules to the goblins ("Don't go in front of the beasts. People who do that become food. Don't be food.") and the goblins respond back that they were "just checking" the "good protection" that the "dangerous beasts" provided. They start setting up camp.

Grogery: Hey, Marvin? I wanted to try to learn some more about what's in the chest, but my Goblinese isn't fluent enough.   Marvin: Yeah, I gotcha. I'll see what I can translate. (He casts Comprehend Languages.)   Dazki: Also, Grogery, speaking of the chest... an idea to keep them out of the fighting. Let them know that their main objective is to protect the chest.   Grogery: That is a good idea.   Dwardazik: Whatever it takes to keep 'em out of trouble.   Dazki: Good job helping them with that earlier by the way, Dwardazik.   Marvin: Yeah, that was... you really took that phrase I said to heart, about bravery being a dash of foolish recklessness!   Dwardazik: Yeah, well, I just saw that goblin about to be eaten, and I just thought to myself... ugh, it's stupid, but it just looked like a child, you know?   Dazki: You did a good thing! You don't need to worry about explaining it. We're saying, you know, congratulations. We're proud of you, and thank you for the help.   Dwardazik: Bah, don't get all emotional on me! Hrrmph. I need some ale.   A random voice in the sky: Did you even bring ale?   Dazki: He's a dwarf. I think he's, like, 70% ale.   Grogery: I am proud of you, Dwardazik.   Marvin: OK, well, Grogery, go ahead and ask about the chest again.   Grogery, to the goblins: (explains the situation with Marvin). So, what time are we expected to arrive at our destination tomorrow? (Marvin translates.)   A goblin: Well, judging by the pace we made today, I say we should make it there in, perhaps... hmm, what time does the sun rise right now?... ...ahh, yes, probably: more than half of one day.   Another goblin: I agree, it's probably more than half of one day.   Grogery: OK. We are making plans for how to handle our interaction with The Hounds Guild tomorrow. It is fine if you guys stay back, because we are trying to not make them suspicious. We are trying to lure them into a false sense of security.   A goblin: No, we will not stay back! This is absolutely uncalled for! You are our chief, and it's very unwise both for you to abandon us deep within the swamp all by ourselves — especially with an injured comrade! — and we have to make sure you are protected as well! Gosh, I know we only met you a brief — oh so brief! — moon ago, but I really feel that we've bonded closely as a family, and I would trust you with his life!   Grogery: Listen. I'm not going to be at the front lines. Marvin is going to be interacting with them. Maybe someone else will be at his side for protection.   A goblin: This is wise, getting the lackeys and supplies to do the work for us. You are a very smart, clever chief.   Grogery: It would be best for you guys to hang back a little while we are doing the deal with them, and to protect the trunk, because we don't have a good idea of what's in it, or what protection it needs.   A goblin: It's not that hard to do both. We simply stash the trunk, into a convenient-but-hard-for-others-to-reach location!   Another goblin: I think that's called "hiding stuff".   The previous goblin: Yes, let's go with that. We simply hide the trunk, and then help you!   Grogery: OK, again, I'm not the best in Goblinese, and I'm kind of slow... what is in the trunk?   A goblin: The contents of the trunk are old family matters that needn't interrupt this new tribal formation.   Marvin: Ah, yes, skeletons in the closet.   Grogery, to Marvin: Wait, is there literally a dead body in there? That is my concern...   Marvin: No, no, it just sounds like —   Grogery: Because they were being dodgy about it earlier.   Marvin: Yeah, you mentioned that. They're saying it's family heirlooms the history of which they do not wish to taint the new tribe. Seems very personal to them. I do not think it is a dead body, as you had previously suspected.   Grogery: OK. That's good. So, our plan for tomorrow is that Marvin — and perhaps some other people — will be talking to the Hounds Guild. The rest of us will be lying in wait in case something goes wrong. You guys can lie in wait-wait, and help if something else goes wrong. 'cause they'll be expecting somebody to ambush them, but they won't expect someone to ambush them after they've already been ambushed! And you have to wait for my signal, OK?   A goblin: My chief! What is this amazing signal you've thought up?   Grogery: If I cast a spell that makes my shield glow, then that will be your signal. It will blind them and make it more difficult for them to see you coming.   A goblin: Chief is a grand battlemaster. This is a brilliant plan!   Another goblin: Oh, yes, I do say so.   A goblin: I daresay it would be wise for us to get some sustenance before it gets too dark.   Dwardazik: Well, if you're hungry, I saw a couple of things on the way here that might be edible?   Grogery: Another thing is that, I do have magic that can make food, however, the only reason I have any left over at the end of today was because it was a very quiet day. ...people getting eaten notwithstanding. Usually, I make some food each morning, and we save some for eating later in the day, so we don't go to bed hungry.   Goblins: ... ... ...food? Food? You've got food?   Grogery: OK, I can do food each morning. Sometimes food at night. Don't depend on food at night.   Goblins: Food at night. Food at night!   Grogery: Just tonight, all right?   Goblins: Yeah-yeah-yeah!   Grogery: Don't be greedy, it won't always happen.   Goblins: Yeah, yeah, just tonight!   Marvin: Are they, like, malnourished or something?   Dwardazik: Probably. Did you see 'em?   Marvin: Yeah, but, I mean, Grogery's got a lot of muscle on him, but you see —   Dwardazik: Did you see how scrawny they were? I mean for Pete's sake, I understand they've got sharp teeth, and one of 'em has a malfunctioning gun, but they almost look like... well... they look like starving children! It's almost sad, in a way... ...I mean, that are green. With big goblin heads. And... don't speak Common...   Marvin: Yeah, we get the idea, Dwardazik.   Dwardazik: They could use the assistance, is all I'm saying. I think. I assume. OK. Whatever. I don't know. You deal with it!   Grogery: Yeah, so, we're aiding them. I'm trying to impress upon them moderation, but they obviously haven't been in the best nutritional —   Dwardazik: Why don't you do some of your Pelor sermons or something, and maybe that'll help calm 'em down. I dunno.   Grogery: OK, this is really awkward, but... you know how I'm speaking a foreign language when I'm doing my Pelor spells? It's 'cause it's all in Elven.   Dwardazik: Uh... I mean, some of it sounded like Elven... it's all Elven?   Dazki: Yeah, he's very well fluent in Elven.   Grogery: I'm classically trained in Elven religious rituals and rites.   Dwardazik (in Dwarvish): Typical.   Marvin: I caught that, Dwardazik.   Dazki: He's actually more fluent in Elven than a lot of elves I've known.   Dwardazik: OK, well, if you are going to be their chief — not that I should really intrude on your affairs, but — perhaps giving them some lessons might be prudent?   Grogery: That would be a nice way to spend the evening...   Dwardazik: Just saying, no reason to have beardlings wander off and get into trouble.

Grogery sighs.   Dwardazik: If I had a throwing axe...   Kesmet: I have some throwing knives?   Grogery: At some point... ugh, they've survived this long, they can't be totally stupid?   Kesmet: What if there were more of them? Earlier, I mean? And now there's only three?   Marvin: Well... there is the trunk, apparently...   Dwardazik: They might just be fast at reproducing.   Grogery: I guess that's also true, I'm like 13 summers old.   Dazki: I think I agree with Grogery, trust them to take care of themselves, and —   Marvin: Hang on, you — Grogery, we gotta take a step back here! How old are you?   Grogery: 13 summers!   Dwardazik: 13 summers.   Marvin: What is — I never thought I'd be asking this question, but — when does puberty hit for goblins?   Grogery: Around 7 or 8, I think. If you're a really late bloomer, then I think it's around 9 or 10.   Marvin: Huh. All right.   Grogery: Average is, I think, 7 for females, 8.5 for males.   Dwardazik walks away from this conversation out of embarrassment.   Marvin: Damn, you've learned a lot in 13 years. Holy shit.   Grogery: At the same time, an elven lifespan is almost incomprehensible to me.   Dazki: Don't worry too much about it. Yours is almost incomprehensibly short to me.   Awkward silence.   Grogery: I guess a way of thinking about it is, I've read some elven books where they've been working on some projects or whatever, and they look up, realizing that 5 or 10 years have gone by. Yeah, that never happens. Stuff just doesn't really pass you by.   Dwardazik: To be so inexperienced...   Barry: Well! That's enough awkward conversation for one day. I'm goin' to bed.   Dazki: Yeah, that sounds like the appropriate response, Barry. I apologize, Grogery, if I offended you. I didn't mean to.   Grogery: There's no offense. I grew up around elves. They seem to have adopted me, thinking that "oh, this isn't really going to be a long-term thing", and they were kind of uncomfortable with the fact that it was a long-term thing, and that I grew up to ask questions very fast.   Dwardazik: Wait just a minute. You're tellin' me... I knew you had some issues living in elven society, all right? But you're tellin' me that they were almost treating you like you were some kind of passing fancy?   Grogery: OK, OK. Here's the main story. My brother Theran, his older brother passed away. He was very sad about it, so his parents took him out on a hunt to try to cheer him up. They found me (or so they tell), my goblin family had been attacked by some foxes and wild animals, and I was the only one to survive. Theran asked if they could adopt me because I was all alone and, you know, my birth parents didn't make it. They thought "OK, fine, we'll adopt this thing, because it seems to make the new heir to the throne happy", not really realizing that they were agreeing to raise another sentient creature that would grow up far faster than their blood son.   Dwardazik, punching the ground with all his strength: It is absurd to disrespect something just because it will last a short amount of time.   Dazki: Here's the thing, I don't think the disrespect was intentional — which doesn't make it better, but — I don't think it was out of any malice, just ignorance. That's something that can be taught. Learned. A mistake made out of ignorance is one that can be corrected. A mistake made out of malice is not.   Dwardazik: What you speak is true, but Grogery over here has the wisdom of a 200-year-old dwarf, and yet he's treated like he's some beardling!   Dwardazik: Well, we don't treat him like that! At least, I'd like to think we don't, right?   Dwardazik: No! No, no, no, no, we don't. It's just, this story rubs me the wrong way!   Grogery: Well, here's another way to think about it. Even though what had happened is kind of disrespectful and rubs you the wrong way, because I was able to grow up with Theran, we have essentially an elf noble who is going to grow up knowing that any creature of any race can be, you know, someone else's brother. He's going to be in a real position to make a difference about this sort of thing.   Dwardazik: I refuse to believe that elves don't have empathy for other living beings.   Grogery: But also, on the contrary, I grew up in a very privileged environment. I had regular meals. I had the opportunity to do a lot of book learning and to become a servant of Pelor and get to where I am today because of what happened. Yes, the circumstances are very unfortunate, but you know, Pelor works in mysterious ways.   Dazki: And it's not that elves don't have empathy. The problem is, we live so long that we have to disconnect to be able to deal with losing people we care about. It's more of a numbness that — not that we're explicitly taught, but — is kind of implicitly taught to us, as a way to deal with seeing the world changing and other species dying in a shorter lifespan than us. So we kind of numb ourselves to it.   Dwardazik: It's, uh...   Dazki: It's not right. And it absolutely needs to be changed. And, honestly, Grogery's brother is going to be in a good position to change that. (He mentions how high up Grogery's family is in the high elf social ladder.)   Dwardazik: Wait, are you saying that Grogery's brother would... marry a...   Grogery: My family does a lot of stuff with religion, worshiping gods, maintaining temples, and that sort of thing. That's kind of where I picked up all that I know. You think about me being able to grow food and heal stuff out here? Think about having good familial relations with someone who can prevent royal family lines from getting poisoned, or regrow missing arms, that sort of thing.   Dwardazik: I am going to request that you please don't take this the wrong way, all right? But... are you suggesting an elf noble would marry a goblin?   Marvin falls over cackling.   Dazki: No. Grogery is adopted. His adopted brother.   Grogery: I was adopted into an elven family.   Dwardazik: Oh. Well, that makes a little bit more sense. OK. I, uh... I'm not suggesting anything by that, I was just very... confused about the... traditions of the nobles. Elvenkind is a bit mysterious to dwarves, as you can imagine. We do things a bit differently.   Dazki: Don't worry, they're just as big of assholes as the dwarves. It's fine.   Dwardazik: While I would normally take offense to that, it's honestly fucking true. Since my damn clan apparently betrayed me (even though I don't think they did), so fuck 'em.   Marvin: That was a very confusing sentence, Dwardazik.   Dwardazik: It's confusing to me as well.   Grogery: If you think about it, my parents gave me the crystal of destiny and told me to take it to "this address in this country far away". I was in denial about it for a while, but it's pretty obvious what they were trying to do.   Dwardazik: Ugh... I dunno. I mean, can you really — it's hard to put blame on your family, isn't it?   Dazki: No.   Grogery: Coming from that situation and being in a much better "family", so-to-speak, right now...   Dazki: It's very easy to put blame on them.   Dwardazik: Wait, does that mean — do you imply — are you saying that you treat us as family?   Grogery: Y-... yes.   Dwardazik gives Grogery a big handshake.   Dwardazik: You treat us as clan! Now, that's how it should be!   Dazki: Just because they did those bad things out of ignorance doesn't mean... you know... doesn't mean that they weren't still bad things. But a lot of good came of it after all. Grogery is a great man.   Grogery: At some point, I want to get back there and try to have a positive influence on their outlook. But we have more important things we're doing right now.   Dazki: Well, you know, even if your adopted family says no, or doesn't put you in a favorable light, you always have a place in my home, Grogery.   Grogery: Aww, thank you.   Dazki: Same goes for the rest of you.   Dwardazik: I don't care if they abandon or mistreat you, Grogery, you've saved my life multiple times. As far as I'm concerned, you're a clanbrother.   Grogery: I don't know a terribly large amount of dwarven culture, but that strikes me as an incredibly high honor.   Kesmet: There's no other group that I'd rather commit murder with.

They go off to make preparations for going to sleep and keeping watch, Kesmet starting a bonfire to run throughout the night.

Night

First Watch: Dwardazik

Second Watch: Kesmet

Kesmet doubles the brightness of the bonfire for the duration of his watch (and a little while after).

Third Watch: Dazki and Marvin

Kesmet wakes Dazki, who also wakes Marvin to stand watch with him. Dazki paces around the camp, specifically looking for tracks and footprints.

Dazki: Ugh... I know I'm a wood elf, but... never really fit in with nature that well.   Marvin: That, I find very strange.   Dazki: I'm what you would call a city boy, at heart.   Marvin: Gotcha.   Dazki: I'll go wake up Grogery. You go ahead and finish your sleep.

Fourth Watch: Dazki and Grogery

Dazki wakes Grogery, telling him about Snap's shoulder progressing poorly and offering some of his soap to clean the wound. Grogery agrees that this is what they should do, but also thinks that they should wait until morning.

Grogery: I am good at medicine. I'm awake. I can take a look at him.

Grogery tends to the wound with his healers kit and advises Snap not to pick at it, not to chew at it. Snap immediately starts chewing at it.

Grogery: No! Bad!   Snap: Itchy.   Grogery: Don't itch it. It's fine. The bite was pretty serious. If you pick at it, you could lose your arm and never get it back. If we treat it well, if you don't pick at it, then we might be able to keep your arm, and it will work in the future. OK? (Persuasion 23)   Snap will try to listen to chief's orders.   Grogery: And if fighting happens, let the other two handle it until your arm works, OK?   Snap nods.

Morning

Dazki: Real quick... Grogery, can I talk to you for a minute?   Grogery: Sure.   Dazki: Away from your new followers?   Grogery: Sure.   Star-wipe: they're now appropriate distance away.   Dazki: So, uh, there is definitely something fleshy in that box.   Grogery: Oh, there is? Is it, like, alive, or...?   Dazki: I don't know. I didn't get a good look at it, and I didn't want to go picking the lock and snooping through their things, but I did notice a little bit when they were getting alcohol and stuff out of it. Something shiny, and something fleshy that's covered in dried citrus and bottles of alcohol. It... may have been body-like, but I'm not sure.   Grogery: Well, if it's dead, then it's probably been dead long enough that I just can't raise it. If it's alive, then no one's... actually, I guess the alcohol might be feeding it, but...   Dazki: I don't know what it is, and I don't even know that it's a body.   Grogery: When we've talked about it with them, they've been incredibly dodgy with details.   Dazki: Yeah. And, like I told Dwardazik, I'm trying to be trusting of them, so I'm not going to go looking into the box at all, but just... be careful. What have they even been saying about the box?   Grogery: They've been calling it "brother heirloom". It was really weird. We talked about "maybe you guys can stay back and protect it while we handle the dangerous things" and they were like "oh, if it's going to be a dangerous situation, we'll just hide the box somewhere".   Dazki: All right. Just be careful. I don't know if it's a dead former chieftain (or whatever) that they have in there.   Grogery: They seem to be keen on hiding it from us.   Dazki: Yeah.   Grogery: Not sure if it's out of fear that we'll do something if we know it, or if they're trying to hide it out of malice, but...   Dazki: The fact that they're actively trying to hide it makes me even more suspicious, now. You don't generally hide good things in situations like this.   Grogery: Ugh. It doesn't have to be straight-up bad, it might just be something they're ashamed of having with them.   Dazki: Yeah! Yeah, no, I'm not saying it's definitely out of malice or anything like that.   Grogery: But I am keeping my guard up about it.   Dazki: OK. I don't want to sound like Dwardazik, because I realize this is sounding a little paranoid.   Grogery: We are out in the middle of a swamp right now, very far from civilization. If something bad happens, we are in a very bad spot.   Dazki: Yep. Just thought you should know that.   Grogery: Thank you for sharing your findings with me.   Dazki: Yep. Like I said, I'm not going to go snooping in it, but if they end up opening it, I'm certainly going to see what I can see.   Grogery: OK. If we want to be optimistic about it, maybe we'll have some fun adventures, and they'll feel comfortable sharing it with us. Until then, all we can do is keep our guard up.   Dazki: And you said they've been calling it "brother heirloom"?   Grogery: Yes.   Dazki: Let's look at the positive thing, maybe it's a relative that died prematurely, and this is how they're honoring his memory.   Grogery: It's covered in citrus and alcohol and all that, so even if it was something old and not-entirely-fresh-anymore, it would be kind of hard to tell.   Dazki: Yep. Well, let's get back to the others.   Star-wipe: the party has ever, ever gotten back together.   Dwardazik: Hey, Grogery, you think you can produce some of that bread of yours to help out volumize this food? IT's kind of difficult to make enough for all of us.   Grogery: Sure, everybody bring your waterskins over here because I'm topping them all off too. Let's not drink swamp water.   Dazki: I very much agree with the "not swamp water" thing.   Dwardazik: I'm drinking ale anyway.

Dwardazik tries to make a good breakfast. (Survival 7) It doesn't go well. Grogery just does his food-and-water spell.

Grogery: OK, someone tell me if I'm crazy, but does this bread actually taste better with the ants on it?   Snap, Crackle, and Pop seem to agree with this, as they have already swarmed over the feast, devouring much of it while Grogery stuffs some of the loaves into the Bag of Holding for later.   Kesmet: It doesn't taste at all.   Dazki: Yeah, you're crazy.   Dwardazik: I think I might just skip this one...

They do more eating. Editor's note: there's a discussion out-of-game, since it was getting late by this time. The consensus was that it would be best to start the next session at Igo's Altar, so the decision was to just power through and travel there. The DM promised that there wouldn't be any ambushes, so as long as the party doesn't jump into a quasi-Seinfeldian Conversation about helmets, it wouldn't drag on too overly long for the player who was having heat issues in their room.

---

Dwardazik: All right, lads. We've had our """breakfast""". Guess we should make our way there. So, uh, your goblin friends over there... they know the rest of the way?   Grogery: They should.   Dwardazik: All right.   Dazki: So, Marvin. You'll be going, doing most of the talking, and Dwardazik and I will be your guards, right?   Marvin: I like the sound of that.   Dazki: All right. (He changes his Glamoured Studded Leather to look extra sturdy that includes a closefaced helmet.)   Kesmet: And I'll use Invisibility on the other party members.   Marvin: On that note... Dwardazik, do you have any sort of full helm as part of your mining gear?   Dwardazik: Part of my mining gear, no, we wouldn't use a full helm. In terms of my armor that I currently have, I'm afraid I don't have something like that.   Marvin: That's fine, we don't —   Dwardazik: The last full helm I really remember was of that Scorpion Armor we found. I'd rather not wear any of that armor again.   Marvin: No, that armor should stay buried and never see the light of day.   Dwardazik: I do have a helm, of course, you've seen me wear it numerous times. I don't know if you could use some kind of magic to make it appear like something that covers my face? That might work.   Marvin: I was just thinking, the anonymity of a full helm always appears more frightening.   Dwardazik: It is true, not being able to see someone's face is a bit more intimidating.   Barry: I don't — good morning, by the way — I don't understand the whole helmet thing anyways. A hat's a hat, man!   Dwardazik: No, you see, Barry, when you can't make eye contact with your enemy, it makes you feel insecure. Just by feeling insecure, it puts you on-edge. And feeling on-edge might be the difference between being able to react to an ambush or not. So, there is some truth to obscuring your face and what not. If we can't do it, I understand. If we do, it would have to be with some kind of magic. And I know that you have some kind of magic hat that you've been using, but I don't know if we'll be able to do something for me.   Barry: Well, I mean, you're pretty scary anyways. Just... use your face? ...SHIT, no, I didn't mean it that way!   Kesmet: Hey, I'm supposed to be the fire sorcerer in this party!   Dwardazik, grunting and raising his voice: Now, listen here, Barry! Do you want me to shove this fist right up your asshole?!   Barry: See! See, he's really scary! And you didn't even have the helmet!   Dwardazik: OK, good, 'cause I was just joking anyway. I appreciate it.   Dazki: So, let's get going.

Marvin gives Dwardazik the drugs and the ear and puts on his Grimes disguise.

Altar-cation

Meta Notes at the End

• DM said that inspirations will be "highly available" next session, so "be on your game".
• Possible milestone: perhaps the first failed attempt at spending an inspiration point ("you said 'dwarf' and 'trees', so, no"). Editor's note: I seem to recall something during the Flesh Artist dungeon series, though that might have been "you can't just say 'inspiration', you know the rules" and then the player just said "never mind". It does seem like this was the first time that someone actually tried to follow the rule and got denied.