Session 73

General Summary

• The goblinoid prankster was restrained, but Dwardazik killed it before it would have had the chance to break free.
• Exploring further into the dungeon, the party came across some hazardous plant-like two-tone vines that would explode, releasing toxic gas, when the contents of the two different plant species mixed. Fortunately, these could be safely melted without risk of the explosion, with careful application of heat.
• Further inward, a dog was barking at a unicorn that seemed to do nothing but munch on a tuft of grass. Marvin charmed the dog (whose name is "Barf", now) to stop the barking, but the party wanted nothing to do with the unicorn.
• Another path led to a mushroom-covered floor whose mushrooms were, Dazki discovered, identical to the mushrooms that carpeted the floor in another area of the dungeon.
• Stepping on these mushrooms teleported the individual to that same other area, where (unlike before) a buff shirtless man was engaged in combat with a hydra.
• Dazki, Dwardazik, and Marvin walked in first, with Grogery hesitantly following after confirming that the others were alive.
• Kesmet wanted nothing to do with the teleporting mushrooms. He believed that the rest of the party had walked to their deaths; he walked around instead, conveniently meeting up with them after combat was over.
• The shirtless man convinced the teleported party members to help him fight the hydra at first, but Dazki had a more convincing argument.
• The party retreated through the door back into the containment zone, but not before Barf retrieved some treasure from across the room on Marvin's behalf, temporarily sprouting spider legs to help him run faster.
• After exhausting all of the important-looking paths, the party moved into a large foreboding chamber, where they met an entity that looked like a large spider, with a man's body melded where the spider's head would normally be.

Full Recap

The session opens with the party holding a goblinoid thief captive.

As I Live and Breathe!

Dazki asks it who it is and why it's stealing from them, but Grogery observes that this creature has been holding its breath ever since the Hold Person spell started. Before Grogery can inform the rest of the party of this, Dwardazik charges at the creature, absolutely overpowering Grogery's attempt to stop him ("Grogery, you've failed me once before. You're not letting 'im get away this time!"), killing the goblinoid with a single round of attacks, giving it no opportunity to do anything more but stare longingly at its rubble pile.

Dwardazik: Took care of that guy, no more stabbin' anyone else! You guys all right?   Dazki, sighing: Yeah. We don't know where our stuff is, though!   Marvin: ..."stuff"? You guys had shit stolen?   Dazki: Yeah.   Marvin: What, like, 34 platinum pieces, 600...   Dazki: YES, my coin purse was stolen.   Marvin: Yeah, it just put this in my bag. Here you go. You got your money back.   Dwardazik digs through the corpse, looking for his gem. He doesn't find it.   Dwardazik: WHERE'S MY GEM?   Marvin: It stole that too?   Dwardazik: Bastard stole my gem! If it's not here, it might be lost... everyone, just rub your hands along the ground, or kick around, maybe you'll feel it?   Dazki: It... well, that's... let's just get going. *sigh*... how did you even get that coin purse, Marvin?   Marvin: I guess when he brushed past you guys, he must have stolen it, and when he bumped into me, he must have handed it to me. I don't know, he just like, put it in my bag.   Grogery: What did he take from you, Kesmet?   Kesmet: I think it was a part of one of my kidneys.   Marvin, clearly grossed out now: Goddamn... what do you mean "one of your kidneys"? Is that what this is?!   Marvin pulls out a chunk of meat from his bag and holds it up to Kesmet's mouth.   Marvin: Eat it! Put it back into your body!   Kesmet: I don't know much about medicine, but I don't think that's how it works.   Grogery: ...would you like me to take a look at it?   Marvin throws it over to Grogery.   Grogery: Hmm... you've got two kidneys, I think you'll be fine without this. Magical healing will probably get you back to normal. But I don't want this in my pack.   Dwardazik: At least heal his wounds!   Kesmet begins to make a move towards cauterizing his wound.   Grogery, noticing: Wait, I can literally just --   Kesmet: No, I'm using my own lay on hands!   Kesmet produces flame in his hands, burning himself with ultimately more damage than he took when the creature removed it in the first place.   Kesmet: There! All healed!   Grogery: You literally did the opposite of healing yourself.   Grogery: This cave is messing with us! Murdering pranksters? Shooting yourself with fire? Let's move on!   Dazki: Yeah. Let's move on.   Grogery: Do you want some actual healing, Kesmet?   Kesmet, wincing painfully: ...yes, please...

The party arrives at an opening that must have once been a ventilation shaft, but it has since been covered up by iron bars and filled with soot. Kesmet points out that he's carrying a crowbar, but Dazki advises that they leave it closed. They press on through a narrow passage.

Get Thorny

This is another big chamber. It seems to be sprawling with a strange thorny vine bush, each specimen either red or black. Reds and blacks intermingle tightly to carpet the entire floor of the chamber. The winding stems and branches don't seem like they are made out of wood or plant material. Dazki picks up a rock and throws it at them.   You realize that the vines are somewhat hollow and fragile. Snapping a couple of the branches with the rock, a small explosion happens. Thankfully, this does not trigger a cascade, but it does create a bit of force and leaves a toxic cloud around it. Dazki moves in to investigate more closely.   It's definitely growing as if it's a plant, but made out of material that's more like animal quills or rusty metal. Completely hollow, the thorns act like hypodermic needles. The explosion likely comes from the fact that the reds and blacks contain different materials that cause a chemical reaction when mixed. Dazki tells this to the rest of the party.

Grogery: Does it look safe to move through, if we only break one of them?   Dazki: Even if we could limit ourselves to breaking just one color, we would still have to deal with the needle-like spikes that could probably inject whatever sap is inside of them into our skin. So I would say no.   Grogery: I can't believe I'm asking this, but...   Grogery: Do you think these are flammable?   Dwardazik: I was just about to ask that!   Dazki: I guess if someone knows more about plants, they could determine that? Otherwise, maybe we could try to get the machete and carefully cut through a single color?

Kesmet moves to the front of the line and starts muttering to himself:

Kesmet: OK. If you mix 'em: explosion, gas release, bad stuff.

Kesmet takes out his crowbar and throws it, assisted by Mage Hand, straight through a line of the bushes, continuing to use Mage Hand to return it back to him. The resulting explosion knocks him over, and some of the toxic gas also reaches him, leaving him temporarily incapacitated and suffocating. Dazki pulls him back to the rest of the group.   Dwardazik lights up a torch and starts making his way towards the vines. The other party members quickly back up out of the way upon seeing this. He holds it against one of the vines, and it begins to melt like candlewax. Even when specifically targeting reds and blacks at the same time, melting them with a gentle application of fire does not trigger an explosion. He shouts this over to the rest of the party. Dazki praises him, and Kesmet is able to stop his sneezing and choking to give a thumbs-up of approval at the fact that there is a solution (and that it involves fire).   There are three possible exits forward through the vines; the party takes out torches (besides Kesmet, who has his own way of gently making fire) and slowly melts their way through to the exit directly across from them.

A Half-Man's Best Half-Friend

As the party makes their way out of the vines, they hear a dog angrily barking at something.

Dwardazik: Does anyone else hear that?   Dazki: Yeah...   Dwardazik: Is that a dog?!   Grogery: ...why would there be a dog down here?   Dwardazik: A dog can't exist down here, the ants would've found 'im!   Grogery: We're a little past the ants right now.   Marvin: The doors are closed off.   Further up, when they see it, the dog is barking at a unicorn, who's eating a tuft of grass that seems to be growing in the ground.   Dwardazik: None of this seems right!   Marvin: This can't be real.   Dwardazik: A dog? A unicorn? In an ant hill?   Marvin: Grass?   Grogery: Yeah, where's the sun?!   Dazki: How about we avoid this and go back a different direction?   Dwardazik: Aww, Dazki, don't be afraid. It's just a dog! And unicorns are... well, I guess we don't have a fair maiden... Marvin?   Marvin: My skin might be fair, but... damn, I won't take that compliment.   Dwardazik: Aww, I'm just playin' with you. Anyway, are we really not gonna go see what that dog's doin'? I mean, it's just a dog!   Marvin: Actually...

Marvin pulls out his mandolin and successfully casts Animal Friendship on the dog.

Marvin, to the dog: Hey there, boy! What's your name?   The dog doesn't have a collar.   Marvin: I'm gonna call him Barf!   Dazki, heading down a different path: All right, I guess we're going to go this way then... ... ... dog in tow.   Grogery: It has two perfectly functioning eyes! It's all right by me!   Dazki: I'm sure there could be other ways to smuggle Turmoil in, in animals, like they were doing. I'm suspicious of the dog being a Turmoil vessel.   Grogery: Then let's keep it with us instead of letting it wander around.   Kesmet: What about the unicorn? Could that be a Turmoil vessel?   Dazki: Sure.   Dwardazik: No one cares about unicorns! We've got a good ol' pupper over here! You're gonna keep 'im, right?   Marvin: Yeah! As long as he doesn't have any Turmoil in him.   Marvin, to the dog, in "talking to a dog" voice: You don't have any Turmoil, do you? Do you, boy? No you don't!   Dazki: This is a bad idea. Not as bad an idea as the dinosaur, but it's still a bad idea.

The party enters a very large chamber with a high ceiling. It's unclear how high, because vision is obscured by black smoke spewing from some vents around the room. It drips occasionally with slime.

Dwardazik: I dunno about this room, guys.   Dazki: It does not look great. There were other paths. Do we want to go investigate them instead?

The party agrees and moves down one of the other paths through the red and black "plants", slowly melting them as they go.

These Doggone Puns

In this room, there is more spongy fungus that's identical to what Dazki had previously seen in the room identified as "M". In fact, Dazki notes, it's completely identical to the fungus in that chamber. Some mushrooms even get cleanly cut off by the wall, as if they continued on the other side of that wall. Dazki informs the party of this.

Kesmet: Like, same species?   Dazki: No, like, the same mushrooms.   Dwardazik: How is that possible?   Marvin: Are you sure you didn't eat a few of them back in the other room?   Dazki: Look at that one! It's like it's cut off by the wall!   Dwardazik: I know it looks strange, but could you clarify what you mean?   Kesmet: It just looks like a bad illusion spell.   Dwardazik: You're saying that these are the same mushrooms? Did we get turned around somewhere?   Dazki: No, the room is a different shape.   Dwardazik: Then how is that possible?

Marvin throws a rock into the fungus and commands Barf to retrieve it. The rock and Barf disappear when they hit the fungus.

Marvin: ...did anyone catch that?   Dazki: Yeah...   Marvin: What the fuck just happened? Where's my dog?!   Grogery: We saw an ant messing around with the mushrooms before, and that ant wasn't invisible...   Dwardazik: You think maybe this is connected to that other area?   Grogery: It's really far away.   Dwardazik: You're right, it is far, isn't it...

Kesmet tries to dispel on it. Nothing happens. Dazki pulls out his rope, holds onto one end, and hands the other end to Dwardazik. Dwardazik ties it around his waist, wraps some of it around his arm, and holds on.

Dazki: OK, don't let it go slack!   Dwardazik: I'm going to loosen the rope as you go forward, all right?   Dazki: Yep.   Dwardazik: Everyone, watch my back!

Dazki takes one step into the mushrooms. When he does, the rope snaps and he disappears. Dwardazik immediately runs in after him, and Marvin follows.

Kesmet: Grogery. It's just you and me now. Here's the plan: we go back and get as much salt as we can carry. Then we get the fuck out of this ant hill. Fuck all this Turmoil stuff, someone else will figure it out. Let's go and try to find Dennis on our own, OK? Fuck all this hero shit. We don't need this. Three of our party members (well, two of them and the one straggler), they're vaporized by the mushrooms. This is just Turmoil shit. What do you say? Let's cut our losses, fuck all this, we've gotta go.

The others are not, in fact, dead. They had just been teleported to that other fungus room. The carpet of mushrooms quakes and ripples. Ten reptilian heads burst forth. They topple a shirtless muscular human, who has also appeared. They are already in combat. He grapples one of the heads in a chokehold.

Grogery: Kesmet, your entire goal and purpose in life is to take down Dennis, right? My entire purpose is helping people. I'd like to think there's a reason why you stick with us, even though we're just running off doing all sorts of things that don't relate to what you feel you were put on this earth to do. But the way of Pelor is that, if you stick to a good path, it will take you to the things that you need.   Grogery: If you want a more pragmatic argument about it, then Dazki, with his connections in the Undermart and House of Cards, will be able to get you very far towards figuring out where Dennis is and infiltrating his organization in order to get to him. Dwardazik and Marvin are helpful in a scrap, as well.   Kesmet: Grogery, they got vaporized!   Grogery: They got teleported!   Kesmet: How do you know?!   Grogery: What happens when you vaporize something? There's a puff of smoke, or fire, or an explosion, or something! These guys just vanished!   Kesmet: I vaporize with normal magic. They got vaporized with, like, Turmoil magic.   Grogery: Well, how about this, then: I'll cast Sending on them, and when they respond, we will know that they're still alive.

The muscular figure grabs a hydra head in a chokehold and shouts at the teleported folks: "What are you waiting for? Get your asses in here, and grab a hydra head or two!"

Combat Summary

• When attacking the hydra's heads, not all attacks were able to connect, as if some of the heads were mirror images.
• Dazki just retreated back through the door that he had intentionally left unlocked before, and called for the others to do the same.
• Marvin commanded Barf, the dog, to retrieve the treasure on the way out. The dog did just that, dutifully sprouting spider legs to allow it to move fast enough to make it out in time.

• When Grogery got confirmation from Dazki that they are OK and engaged in combat with the Hydra, he stepped onto the fungus to see the shirtless man, hydra, and spider dog.
• Kesmet reconnected with the rest of the party on what he thought was the beginning of a new phase of his life as a solo adventurer.
• Grogery yelled at the shirtless man to get out, and that they were going to leave him behind. When the man stayed put, they closed the door on him.

The Arf-ropod in the Room

The dog exits the room with its spider legs out, though it loses the spider legs when it reaches Marvin with the treasure recovered from the hydra's chamber. When Dazki sees this, he points his gun at it. When Kesmet sees this, he points his hand at it.

Dazki: You're aware that we can't take him out of here, right?   Marvin: Yeah, but he did so good, though! Yes he did!   Grogery: ...I don't even understand what that was. They were definitely not there earlier, right?   Dazki: Right.   Kesmet: Well, you guys look like shit.   Marvin: And a fine day to you, too!   Kesmet: Why did all of you run into the vaporizing mushrooms?   Dwardazik: I ran in just in case Dazki got sent to an evil warlock's den!   Kesmet: Dazki, I respect your decision to run into the mushrooms, because you knew that you were risking your life, what with the whole rope and everything. But everyone else just blindly ran in after you, after they saw you get vaporized from touching them! Shame and fie on all of you!   Grogery: I said I was going to send to Dazki. I sent to Dazki, and I got a response where he told me what was going on!   Kesmet: I didn't mean you, Grogery. You were right, I was less right: they were alive. Also, good doggo, you got the... the whatever. He pets the dog.

Barf is carrying an electrum-colored round shield. Its face is sculpted with complicated etchings, leading in the center to what appears to be a distraught man's face in front of a pair of phoenix's wings. Dwardazik is interested, but he will keep using what he has for now.   The party traces back to the third path through the vines. There are two clutches of what appear to be abandoned ant eggs. Bursting from a couple of them, however, they appear to have sprouted some plants. They move back to the fungus teleporting room to make an effort to recover whatever might be in the skeleton on the far side of the teleporting fungi.   Kesmet has an idea: he casts a minor illusion of a squeaky toy on the wall, such that the only way that Barf would be able to get to it. Marvin commands Barf to retrieve it; he does sprout the spider legs again, as planned. When he's almost within reach of the illusion, Barf extends out a long, prehensile tongue to grab it. As he does, Kesmet spends some resources to casts a new illusion further away near the other side of the room. Unfortunately, the only thing that Barf is able to recover from the resting place of that skeleton is just some of its bones. He swallows three bones (whole) and returns, skittering along the side of the wall.

Dazki, impatiently: Are we satisfied, now?   Marvin: He's a very good boy, Dazki.   Dazki: *sigh*. So, we've got to go deal with the unicorn now, right?   Marvin: Yeah, let's go deal with that unicorn, but Barf, you've gotta stay here. I don't want you barking. I don't want you barking at that unicorn, OK? Stay.

The unicorn is still munching that same tuft of grass. Either this tuft of grass grows really quickly, or the unicorn isn't making any progress on it.

Marvin: Hey... you think that horn's worth anything?   Dwardazik: Hey, now! I don't approve of killing these kinds of magical beasts.   Dazki: Something weird is going on here. Attacking this probably wouldn't be... the best idea.   Dwardazik: Let's simply walk past it. If we don't bother it, it won't bother us.   Dazki: We can hope.   Grogery: Is walking past it going to bother it?   Dwardazik walks past it, being careful to go around and not touch it.   Dwardazik: Seems all right to me, guys!

On the other side of the unicorn is a small empty chamber and another door, this one welded shut with an inscription (written backwards, because this is the back of the door):

Main entrance out of service due to unforeseen reaction of Turmoil experimentation.   For access to the lab, gallery, or designated experimentation sites, use the Turmoil accumulation and research service entrances, and agree to the terms.

Having run out of other options to explore, the party debates whether to go onto the ominous foreboding room or to rest. Grogery has a sudden realization, however:

Grogery: Hey guys, this containment zone is messing with our heads a lot. Do you think we can rest in a place outside the door?   Kesmet: Outside of it? The containment's been leaked!   Grogery: It's still probably much more concentrated on this side. Also, I'm pretty sure that the goblin with the insect pincers that was pranking us, it feels like he's someone who got stuck here for a while, like in the Phantasmagoria.   Dwardazik: Damn. So where do we go? Or do we just go marching ahead and ignore a rest?   Grogery: We could go outside a door.   Dwardazik: I suggest that we move forward. I'll survive. This is a dangerous area, and we can't stop here.

Decision is to move forward into the large chamber, foregoing a short rest entirely (even though Marvin did make some solid arguments for how they would be able to manage a low-risk short rest).

Father Longlegs

The chamber vaults up to an unknown height: the ceiling is obscured by thick black smoke spewing from a nearby vent, and potentially others. It drips occasionally with humid slime; this whole area feels different from the rest of the cave, which is really saying something, given that every other area on this side of the containment zone doors has been... interesting.   The open space fills you with dread. Even though the tunnels are tight and winding, this area is somehow the most stifling so far. Despite the open space, it almost feels tight, closed-off.   The party stealthily enters into the main part of the room. Getting closer to the smoke-spewing vent, Dwardazik examines it to figure out what the source is and has a bit of a breakthrough. It's definitely not volcanic: it's way too thick, dense, and humid like a fog. Something is generating this at a lower level, and venting it out into here. It should not be inhaled; thankfully, it's all just going straight to the ceiling.

Dwardazik: Hmm. This smoke ain't natural. It's not volcanic, and it's not a natural process. Or if it is, it's coming from much lower, coming up through the tunnels. We should be wary: this goes much deeper than where we are.

Dazki sneaks around the outside of the chamber, spotting another abandoned clutch of eggs. Dwardazik moves to the middle of the chamber, which sets something off.   From the smoke in the ceiling, a person emerges... upside-down, dangling from the shadows in the ceiling. He seems incredibly unwell and somewhat wet from being in the fog. He descends, upside-down, eventually meeting the dwarf's gaze. He has pale, tortured eyes, looking scared. He manages to gasp out some words: "Make it stop... I don't want to hurt... "

Dwardazik: Someone jump up and grab him!   ???: I don't want to hurt...   Grogery: You don't want to be in pain, or you don't --   ???: I don't want to hurt... you...

Two large, hairy legs rotate out of the darkness, insect in nature. Much to the pain of the gentleman, they find their footing on the floor, ten feet from the fog. Then, two more appear. The man's whole body rotates in space until he is the right way around. Descending from the fog, only briefly, a massive spiderlike abdomen, held aloft by stilted legs. Where the head of a spider would be, a man is melded there, seemingly against his will.