Caoimhe Lutgehr
That Fecking Wezard
6/28/1420
Ah bin gain fur sae lang Ah almost don’t min' whaur tae start. Ah guess i’ll start wi' 'at asshole wizard. he come lookin' fur a ceilidh tae “sae his wife” frae th' clutches ay his pest servant, al-salazheem, his nam was. Ah hink there's somethin' aff abit thes wizard but if a quine needs rescuin', i’ll rescue. he says he’s a master illusionist ur somethin' an' gi'es us some bunsens tae gang back tae his tower an' tak' th' portal tae th' lair ay th' bloke 'at betrayed heem.
weel we gie puckle horses an' tak' aff, fin' thes bastard's tower an' gie in alrecht. its real boss an' we fin' some magical items jist kin' ay displayed aroond. noo bein' as we ur honoorable folk an' hink he micht want tae bide haur efter th' whole kidnappin' problem is solved we try tae lae weel enaw aloyn an' make uir way upstairs.
it's haur 'at things gie weird, mah mukker. th' second fluir it turns it is whaur his wife’s room was. her’s an' his other sex wi'es...this dobber hud bin merrit sex times afair he mit his “ain true loove serafina”. we don’t gie much time tae hink abit thes since we gie attacked by a crew ay banshees. guess hoo mony thaur waur mukker. tak' a wild guess. if ye said sex yoo’re alrecht at math, Ah teel ye. but, anyway, they waur comin' at us radge an' shriekin'. we fooght them aff. they seemed tae hae a hin' fur me bein' th' only female, kept tryin' tae possess me. succeeded a time afair Ah forced th' huir it an' sent 'er back tae th' afterlife.
after th' fightin' died doon, we remembered 'at thaur hud bin a locked cellar duir an' th' she-ghosts hud come frae belaw us. knowin' a wee bit abit hoo undeid loch tae nae bide deid, we ran downstairs an' busted th' lock aff th' basement duir. th' fanny hud aw ay them doon thaur. aw ay his wi'es preserved loch some kin' ay grotesque trophies an' swarmin' wi' necromantic magic. we ran th' puir burds it tae th' yard an' burned their bodies tae gie rid ay th' magic an' lit them be at peace. doon thaur wi' th' bodies we also foond a body labeled serafina an' sit 'er tae rest an aw afair she cam tae try tae kill us an aw. noo 'at th' hen we waur sent tae rescue was deid we waur confused as tae whit tae dae.
we decided 'at we waur gonnae gie tae th' bottom ay thes madman’s plan an' 'at he definitely wasn’t gonnae gie whit he wants. we reentered th' tower an' figured wa th' heel nae an' took puckle ay his magical curiosities an' ran up th' tower. we foond th' joornals ay his wi'es detailin' th' lies he tauld them abit himself an' th' fact 'at ance they waur in th' tower he held them prisoner an' ne'er lit them lae. he biddin wi' them an' watched them aw die ay auld age an' used their sools tae extend his life. we foond th' portal an' went ben only tae immediately be drapped tae uir apparent deaths.
as we feel fur whit felt loch forever, we got swept up by a crew ay some kin' ay birdmen, fa took us tae their “queen shazz” fa jist sae happened tae be a dragon. she ever sae kindly explained 'at th' a bampot dobber wizard hud sent us tae th' plane ay air chasin' efter a genie 'at he hud imprisoned. thes bloke jist keeps gettin' waur an' waur, Ah teel ye. we waur able tae bide as guests wi' 'er fur th' nicht an' got an escort tae th' ootwith ay th' genies hoose.
so thes genie, haur, he got back frae th' tower an' locked himself up an' doesn’t lit nae a body in an' his guards kill whatever tries...so we figure we sneak inside. Ah change intae a moggie tae be mair snealth-like an' th' others climb intae uir trusty magic poke. Ah jump us inside an' a wee bit ay sneakin' gits us tae al-salazheem. ay coorse he is radge but when we explain 'at we arenae thaur tae kill heem, but tae buck up 'at wizard he lets us in oan whats bin gonnae oan.
hes got thes magic staine super similar tae th' a body we foond at underhill, min'? its got serafina’s sool in it an' he’s stoppin' it frae givin' life tae th' wizard. as lang as he has it 'at wizard will die in puckle weeks ay auld age. we come tae an arrangement an' gie tae bide an' bide fur heem tae be deid an' they free serafina’s sool by fightin' 'er when she is released. if only it waur 'at simple thocht as intae uir raither borin' bide anither feckin' crew ay jobbie adventurers comes tae kill al. we manage tae barnie them aff ay heem but th' crystal that's holdin' serafina breaks an' she gits lit it early. al puts up some kinda barrier an' locks us in wi' 'er an' we barnie fur uir li'es against th' banshee, but we defeat 'er an' as cheers al tells us ne'er tae come back again… he’s an awfy ungracioos sort ay fellaw, if ye ask me. but he sends us back reit quick an' suin as i’m dain trackin' buttercup an' th' others we make uir way haem.
Missing Caravaneers
3/6/1420
Th' croon shoods pure hink abit puttin' mair patrols oan thes road if its sae important coz seems loch everytime Ah wake Ah hear abit fowk gonnae missin'. Thes time twas th' order ay th' elk 'at pit us oan tae try an' fin' fowk gain missin' frae caravans makin' their way intae toon frae kelm. Seems fowk ur jist wanderin' aff an' arenae noticed until efter they ur gain.
We, me, smitty, ferrak, an' breg, wi' a wagon we rents fur th' joorney, in case some ay these fowk coods use a ride. It didnt tak' us lang tae come tae a caravan 'at was inboond an' when we talked tae th' guards they said they was missin' a merchant named george sometime efter lunch. When we went tae swatch fur clues we picked up some tracks an' fluffy foond 'at we waur bein' watched by a whole mess ay crows. They waur lookin' at 'er loch a snack sae she got ower tae us quick as she can. We followed th' tracks intae th' forest an' th' kimmers got mair hostile tae us, they waur sayin' somethin' abit a mistress an' listenin' tae 'er. Wehad tae cut doon a mudder ay them afair we cooldgit ben.
We got tae th' edge ay a clearin' wi' a broken tower an' we waur greeted by dire wolves fa charged at us. They werena tay smart sae we waur able tae pit them doon quick an' jist in time as Ah barely gart it tae th' duir afair some witch finished 'er ritual. Ah waur able tae burst 'er guid wi' some ice magic an' gonnae-no 'er frae concentratin' an' lae ay th' crew followed up an' she willnae naethin' withit 'er dogs thaur. She hud th' kidnapped fowk in some sort ay giant wicker effigy ay a cheil. We got them it an' burned it tae th' grin. ance we got back tae th' caravan wi' their missin' merchant we got a' fowk fed an' helped tae escort them back tae toon.
Save the Children
3/3/1420
Ah ken they arenae guid per say but they aint evil either. Ah hink it was lucky 'at thaur hud bin anither worshipper ay nature wi' th' crew sent tae hunt th' basilisk causin' trooble in th' wilds, otherwise Ah wooldna hae hud thes opportunity. Ah agreed 'at they need tae gonnae-no th' caravaners frae turnin' tae staine afair they gart it back but i’m glad 'at when they foond th' clutch ay eggs they left it be. we got a boorichie ay others an' myself tae corral th' wee buggers intae a modified wagon an' i’d bin lucky tae fin' a boar 'at they hud turned tae gezz somethin' tae feed them. But noo they cooldnae bide thes way, sae Ah got permission tae tak' them it tae th' dreid marshes an' release them thaur whaur if they biddin they wooldna be able tae harm anythin' livin'.
As Ah realise thes woods soond a bit unorthodox ay a method tae most Ah gaithered puckle friends 'at i’d bin able tae troost till noo, Smitty, Dwufe, an' Timn.
The nicht afair we waur tae sit it th' camp was attacked by owlbears. Nae jist onie owlbear thocht, owlbears gart ay stitched flesh pieced together an' sittin' somewhaur atween bein' deid an' alife. it waur a gantin' mockery ay th' sad creatures an' an affront th' ambrelune it was. thaur was a knecht fightin' them aff callin' fur fire an' sae fire Ah gae heem. We burned those beasts it an' they went runnin'. Th' knecht thanked us fur th' help but 'en gart a big shaw ay greetin' abit uir toon, hoo it weren’t built an' fortified enaw fur his tastes. Weel he didna bide haur did he? Weel since we waur gonnae 'at way either way we said we’d chase th' owlbears doon an' fin' his missin' cultist ur whatever he was gonnae oan abit it. 'En he gart a big shaw ay stickin' his beak intae everythin' aw nicht an' finally went tae sleep efter he complained some mair abit hoo we shoods nae be affordin oorselves th' luxury ay a brain new breakfest afair uir joorney.
We sit aff headin' towards th' marshes an' findin' traces ay th' owlbears an' followin' them doon th' way. When we gie tae th' entrance tae th' marsh we swatch fur a braw spot tae lit th' wee ones gang an' make sure they ur alrecht afair we decide 'at we willnae be able tae keep th' wagon in th' swamp much longer sae tak' it back it an' by th' time we ur back intae th' swamp it waur tay mirk tae follaw onie mair leids frae th' owlbears sae we fin' a rock, sae we arenae sittin' in th' mud, an' bunker doon fur th' nicht.
Timn is fidgety th' whole time, puir cheil, greetin' 'at we shooldna hae camped in th' swamp, but he dornt gie tae greit fur lang since Ah hear a fightin' in th' distance, an' since neither me nur fluffy can gie a bearin' oan it, Ah roose lae an' we gang aff tae engage, as Ah mostly certain 'at uir cultist has gotten himself in a tiff 'at we coods tak' advantage ay. We cam upon th' cheil fightin' against th' undeid 'at bide in th' marsh sae we hopped intae th' barnie tae gie heem.
Naw reit abit noo, Ah feel loch Ah need tae mention somethin' 'at Ah forgot earlier. ye see Smitty hud taken a visit ower tae th' quine ay th' loch an' gotten a boon frae 'er afair we left. A boon 'at gart heem invisible until he next waur tae lat at somethin', an' thes hud bin rightful annoyin' as we cooldnt see heem th' whole donner it haur but noo, he sloshed his way forward ignorin' th' owlbears an' th' undeid an' stalkin' reit up tae th' cultist. As we engaged wi' th' owlbears he took a mighty swin' an', catchin' 'at necromancer completely aff guard, took heem doon in a body mighty swin'. Ah woolda laughed if Ah was nah sae preoccupied wi' settin' th' monsters ablaze at th' time. but wi' their controller deid we finished up lae an' picked up th' body an' sloshed it ay thaur back tae toon.
Underhill
2/20/1420
We was it oan th' road again, me, Smitty, Timn an' a newer coopon Dwufe, th' only other dwarf in th' camp asides Farrek fa hud bin thee sheets when we went tae fin' heem tae lae, sae we thooght it best he sleep it aff. A wee coople ay days awa' frae camp a scootin' ceilidh hud foond a tower an' camped thaur. A body ay them said they saw ghosts abit an' jist abit tint his min' ower it, sae, bein' th' guid friends tae th' fowk 'at we ur, we went tae gang check it it fur heem.
We come upon th' tower towards forenicht an' decide tae camp inside sae as tae entice th' spirits we was thaur tae fin'. Mebbe if they cam efter us while they thooght we waur it we coods be rid ay them an' hae a trek back tae camp fur an easy reward. Efter poorin' ower th' tower fur onie clues as tae whit is was, ur wa they hud seen fit tae build a lookit tower behin' a brae we settled in fur th' nicht. Th' only hin' we hud managed tae fin' was 'at th' fluir ay th' tower hud a magical duir in it 'at nane ay us coods figure hoo tae open. Ah was hopin' th' ghosts coods enlighten us but as mah watch shift cam tae an end an' Ah went fur some shuteye Ah was startin' tae hink 'at scit was a bampot jist loch lae ay his ceilidh thooght.
It main ay bin coz quine Teyva hud a soft spot fur heem, but while we waur aw it Dwufe mit a body ay them ghosts an' convinced it tae lit us intae th' undergroond room. Ah only caught a glimpse ay 'er when Ah woke but she woods hae bin a noble an' handsome dwarf in life. Wi' 'er disappearance we decided tae heed doon intae th' duir wi' a warnin' frae dwufe 'at we waur in fur a barnie wi' a guid number ay undeid.
My mukker was reit when we waur only a cuttie way in we waur awreddy fightin' th' creatures aff. They went doon quick, an' we went further in tae fin' a whole city was bein' built haur. It was quite impressife. We gart a quick search ay th' buildings tryin' tae identify th' fowk 'at lived thaur, sae we woods be able tae send wuid tae their families. A body ay th' clans 'at we turned up , Brokenstain, hud had their bairns graw alongside me an' Ah considered 'en kin tae us. Ah woods need tae write them an' mah clan tae see fa it hud bin. We waur forced tae rush uir searches coz th' undeid we hud killed doon th' close seemed tae be under a curse 'at kept reanimatin' them. We rushed aheid tae fin' th' a body fa kept summonin' them sae we coods kill it an' be dain wi' them.
We foond th' monster an' wasted nae time in fightin' 'er. She was an evil vampire hen 'at hud used th' villagers as sacrifices tae attempt tae make herself a lich. We sit oan 'er fest an' dealt wi' 'er ghools, but when e'en efter she died th' magic was still thaur tryin' tae brin' them aw back. Oan 'er alter thaur she kept a bluid red glowin' staine 'at looked tae be steeped in mirk magics. Withit pure thinkin' abit it Smitty shattered th' staine an' a mirk win' blew it knockin' puir timn it. We heard th' sool ay 'at vampire laughin' as it was released. We cleansed th' area an' sit th' sools free but we hud sit 'er free tay. When we got timn tae regain his senses we gart uir way back tae camp an' took a rest until uir next job cam up. Ah sooght tae write tae mah home’s close ay archi'es an' gie them th' bark ay uir fa'en brethren.
Back teh tha Mine
1/30/1420
We sit aff again efter hearin' frae sairrr edward 'at th' guards we hud requested hud nae reported back in. Efter they sent a second batch it, 'at again ne'er cam back, it was uir turn. We gaithered thes time, us thee dwarves, wi' a new fellaw, a wee bodie called Timnothy. We gart th' trek back tae th' cae whaur we hud foond th' glowin' crystals previoosly. We gart uir way in slowly, relyin' oan uir darkvision tae see an' we cam upon a body ay th' knights. He was standin' aloyn in th' darkness. We quickly realized he wisnae in his reit min' an' decided it be best fur heem an' us 'at we knock heem it. He pit up a guid barnie but we took heem doon an' tied heem tae a nearby rock. Shortly efter we foond th' second sit ay guards 'at hud bin sent it. Somethin' vile hud gotten them an' thaur was naethin' mah powers coods dae tae sae them. We poored a body aff fur them an' vowed we woods brin' them back when we waur finished. Only a body mair bloke tae fin' noo. We went deeper in an' foond heem, writhin' in pain. Ah went up tae see if Ah coods help heem an' he looked up at me. They hud shoved a crystal intae his heed th' bastards. He yelled at us tae rin but afair we coods move he changed intae some sort ay alien. We figured anythin' born 'at way was nae guid sae we killed it. We hud tae make sure lae ay th' way was clear sae we went oan tae th' lest room. We foond a big a body thaur. Aam guessin' an adult ay whatever it was we hud jist fooght. It got th' drap oan us an' stunned me but me friends managed tae kill it. Almost managed tae pit timn it, bless heem hud rin it ay spells but still draw a sword an' barnie oan, but Ah got tae heem an' healed heem. In its death throes th' creature cest a speel an' teleport awa' tae gods knows whaur. We brooght aw th' men back tae receife their proper rights an' th' a body 'at bide went tae gang droon himself in th' pub.
Findin' a Mien
1/27/1420
Ah got wuid 'at someain ha possibly foond a mine. only problem was it was foo ay beasties. Weel, since a mine woods dae thes toon a lot ay guid Ah signed up tae th' patrol settin' aff tae clear it. It waur abit a tae day donner awa', but we gart it safe as aw. When we got thaur we approached it aw cannie loch, but saw 'at thaur was only tois fellas minin' awa'. We tried tae caa it tae them, but they didne answer. Mah mukker ferrak got a wee impatient wi' th' cheil an' went tae reach it tae gonnae-no his hain an' gie his attention, but as suin as he did, th' bloke attacked heem. Uir barbarian mukker was quick tae come tae his aid, but he isnae sae guid at pullin' his punches', ur axes, Ah guess, an' ended up killin' th' puir cheil. It was self defense oan uir part, but it becam apparent when his comrade didne sae much as blink when his ally perished in front ay heem 'at somethin' was wrang. We figured they main be under some kin' ay insidioos control forcin' their actions. We took caur an' knocked th' other gent it tae keep heem safe as much tae keep heem it ay th' way.
We continues inside th' mines an' foond mair puir sools. We decided we cooldnae waste th' time tae try tae pacify aw ay them, sae we went tae search fur th' monster controllin' them hopin' 'at if we ended it, it woods free lae. Further in we foond it 'at they hud bin hirin' orc slavers frae th' red plains tae watch th' prisoners. We fooght them aw an' gart sure their slavin' days waur ower. We finally got tae th' end ay th' cae whaur we foond th' creature, a giant grotesque brain wi' a beak an' tentacles floatin' oan a platf'rm. We immediately rushed it an' ended its vile existence. Searchin' ben th' room we foond 'at th' creature hud only bin workin' under somethin' we can only assume is waur. Ah coods detect th' leader but coods nae figure it wa ur hoo it coods travel in an' it ay th' room.
We gaithered up th' survivors an' left quickly in case it cam back, an' gart uir way back tae toon. We reported th' the knights ay th' elk abit th' cae an' urged them tae post scit ur guard near th' cae, tae keep an yak oan it, as we feared whatever hud gotten awa' woods come back. Th' knights pledged tae dae sae, sae we waited tae hear mair.
Drud's Groove
1/20/1420
At leest Ah hud foond a ceilidh tae accompany me in search ay a fittin' place tae host th' sanctuary tae mah gods. Ah maunt tae fin' tois other dwarves tae gang wi' me, a fighter followin' in th' footsteps ay a body ay uir heroes an' a berserker, fa was whieest but fooght fiercely. th' lest member ay uir crew was a huir uv a lood an' almost obnoxioos human fa seemed loch he kent his way aroond a blade. we sit aff north as Ah gaithered frae th' current maps ay th' area 'at thaur was a guid water soorce thaur. as we traveled we encoontered some gnolls in a barnie wi' a northern tribesman. he looked tae be in bad shape sae we helped heem tae defeat th' gnolls an' saved his life. he was mighty grateful fur th' aid as he cheers us an' we sent heem back tae uir toon tae rest an' recowre. he tauld us ay a leader ay th' enemies wi' a black mane 'at we woods hae tae doon afair Ah coods make use ay th' area, sae we tracked heem. we mit wi' anoither patrol ay th' monsters but nae sign ay th' main threat. we foond heem when we got tae th' loch an' saw 'at he hud desecrated oberon's gifts wi' stench an' filth. we waur smart an' got th' drap oan th' fool creature an' waur able tae make quick wark ay heem an' his abominations. we destroyed his alter tae whatever unholy hin' it was tae an' purified th' water an' th' glade. as we restored th' purity ay th' area ambrelune herself sent me a sign. Ah looked ben th' trees an' saw 'at she hud sent 'er servant th' whte otterlope tae me. Ah kent 'at thes place woods be blessed by nature sae resolved tae protect it an' tae dedicate th' area tae th' worship ay oberon an' titania, an' ay coorse ambrelune an aw. noo Ah only need tae build up th' funds tae create a mair permanent structure.
Tha Danger 'Ole
1/19/1420
Eh'd only jist gart it tae thes wee camp afair someain come roon lookin' fur help gonnae somethin' called th' danger hole. he raved abit thaur bein' some kin' ay tentacle monster inside. seein' as hoo 'at dint soond huir uv a natural Ah went wi' th' puir fella back tae th' hole. woods nah ye ken afair Ah can make secht oan th' bugger he grab me an knock me it. th' fellas Ah be wi' make quick wark ay heem an' revife mah sorry mess an' we headed in. we werenae but puckle steps in afair we waur attacked by anither tentacle monster an' hud tae barnie 'at aff tay. a wee further in we foond a coople treasure chests an' an alter tae th' god ay undeath himself. th' atmosphaur didne feel reit but we continued in till we foond a rusted iron gate an' forced it open. we almost regretted it coz thaur was a huge monster wi' hook hans inside 'at woods fur sure hae beaten us if it hadnae stumbled as it ran at us snarlin'. we managed tae pit it doon an' foond anither duir, a trapduir. it led doon th' longest staircase Ah ever seen an' ended in a cavern 'at gart aw mah hair stain up. it was definitely nae natural an' Ah hink it main hae bin th' underdark coz we waur it ay thaur fest. we nailed 'at duir shut an rin back tae th' toon tae teel th' knights tae keep a guid watch oan it.
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