Totally Not Cursed Items

(allegedly)

The Alpha Charm
Requires attunement. A delicate silver chain, with 5 bejeweled beastial teeth hanging off. One is emerald, one saphire, one ruby, one topaz, and one amethyst. Infernal inscription is divided across the teeth. It reads: "Resist" "Sense" "Hunt" "Scout" "Ravage" Each of the teeth have 3 charges per dawn, but once a user consumes three total charges (of any) on a single day they must make a wisdom save against the curse. If they fail three times total, they are infected with lycanthrope. If they activate more than one charm, the save is made immediately, the DC increased by 2 each time, if all 5 are activated the user auto-fails. As an action a user can activate one of the teeth and the user gains the following benefits for the duration of this transformation:
Emerald - You gain resistance to bludgeoning, piercing and slashing damage from non-silvered and non-magical weapons. You are vulnerable to silvered weapons (silver damages you). Sapphire - You gain blindsight of 10 ft. All your other senses besides smell are reduced to a 30ft radius around you. Ruby - You gain a bonus to your strength score equal to your proficiency modifier. Your vision is red and you are consumed by the wrath of the lycanthrope, until the effect ends any creature conscious or unconscious is your enemy and smells delicious. Topaz - You gain 15 ft of movement, and you are able to climb walls at half of your total movement. Any items on your person are absorbed into your body and you're incapable of speech until the effect ends. Amethyst - You gain an unarmed attack, with which you are proficient, using your strength modifier. You can attack twice, each attack dealing 2d6 + Str modifier in slashing damage. You lose all weapon and armor proficiencies, including previous unarmed attacks, as your transformed body is not meant for such things. I.e.; your claws make holding a sword awkward and painful, armor does not fit you, nor does it move with you correctly.
Shell of the Earth
(2 charges per day) A shield that can be used as a reaction to encase you in an earthen shell until the end of your next turn. Shell has AC 12 and HP 15. Damage does not carry through the shell, including AOE, the shell will take the damage and if it exceeds the shells HP the shell will crumble early (the next hit against the user will not be inhibited by the shell). The shell does not affect single target spells such as finger of death that don't have travel time. (i.e. if the spell only requires you to point/see the target, then if the shell was not already active preventing sight, the spell damage is not absorbed by the shell being activated.)
Holy crab (Mykull's tribute to the goblin deity Zogmugot)
A robotic crab infused with divine power. AC 10, HP 5. It understands and obeys commands if issued in the name of Zogmugot. It can cast Light, Guidance, and Sacred Flame. Spell DC 11 and can deal 1d4 radiant damage through touch. It weights 40 lbs, can lift up to 80 lbs, can somewhat effectively climb walls (if it rolls above 10 with a +2) but if it flips over it can't get back up on its own. If the crab is destroyed, it does 6d6 radiant damage to everyone in a 30ft radius who doesn't serve Zogmugot. It can also self-destruct in this way on command.
Lucky blade (attunement, reroll ones, cursed)
When attuned to this blade, you may reroll 1s for attack rolls with this weapon. The blade will come to life in these moments and redirect your swing. If you crit with this weapon, you must roll a wisdom save (16) or immediately attack the nearest target besides the one you crit against. Over time the blade will develop consciousness. The blade is eager to kill, progressively adding 1d4 necrotic to crits, and over time you will start having to make saves against alignment changes. If you resist, you will start to take the necrotic for refusing to kill.
Fiend of Fiends Armour (AC 16) attunement, disadvantage on stealth - black, spiky with highlights of reds/oranges)
Chestplate of fire/ice/necrotic resistance and the ability to speak into minds (any time, but you will hear everyone's surface thoughts in a 50ft radius and must wis save against 1-5d4 psychic damage depending on how many people are nearby). Attuning to this chestplate immediately changes the users alignment to evil (and whatever other secondary alignment they have). The armour is possessed by the soul of every fiend the previous users have slain. Any time you act against your evil alignment (mercy, charity, etc. without malicious or selfish intent) The armour burns with 1d4 fire damage (of which the user is resistant). Any time you use the speak to minds ability, the fiends in the armour also read everyone's thoughts, including your own. They use this information to torment and taunt the user through the night. Wis saves every night against exhaustion points (DC 5, raises every time the speak into minds ability was used that day). If the user goes unconscious in the armour, it will immediately attempt to steal the user's soul (wis save 12). If the user dies wearing the armour, their soul is consumed into the armour along with the fiends' souls. A powerful dispel magic/similar destructive magic would free the souls inside, but several fiends' souls, once freed, would appear to take vengeance on the user.
Divining bowl
Small clay bowl with a leaf. Fill with water, ask the bowl a question, blow on the leaf. If it spins upside down, it's a no, if it spins right side up, it's a yes, if it spins to the side it's a maybe/uncertain. If it flips over someone is going to die, if it sinks someone has already died. If it blows out of the bowl, a catastrophic event is going to occur. It will point in a direction to indicate where someone/something is (only briefly). If asked of the likeliness of an occurrence, it will move to the top of the bowl for likely, to the bottom of the bowl for unlikely.
Crown of the forest that makes you believe any illusion.
Stone of Ill luck (look it up)
Random fun things:
A Potion that if poured on the ground will grow an acre of trees overnight. If drank..... Well that's unfortunate. Silver silk handkerchief. 3' on a side. On the command word, it becomes as hard as thick steel. A second command word reverts. A ring that gives the wearer a magnificent mustache/beard, depending on which finger it is worn on. The left ring finger, for example, always yields a Van Dyke. Penguin tokens (1d6). Summons an 80 lb emperor penguin. On land, cannot do anything except waddle to where you direct. In water, can attack as a 1 HD creature. Is destroyed/killed if it takes any damage. Reverts to a small (1") wooden token after 1 minute.
Grinning Amulet. Anyone who laughs--even a snicker--near this amulet must make a save or laugh uncontrollably for the next minute. Careful, it's contagious--if a player laughs during this, so does their character. If it spreads, each time it spreads, the previous subjects have to make another save. If they fail three saves in a row, they become light-headed for 1 hour. -1 on perception and intelligence checks but during that duration, you feel no pain and gain +1 to endurance and strength checks.
Grass Whistle. When blown, roll for a random encounter. If the location has no encounter table (some cities, maybe), the PCs will meet someone interesting who wants something.
Ring that makes the wearer appear to be dead and rotten. Anyone who comes within 10ft of the user must make a con save 15 or begin profusely vomiting for 1d4 minutes.