Interview Transcipt & Recording #19990412-NY - Robyn Farmer-Keyturn
RECORD #19990412-NY
TYPE: INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT & RECORDINGS RELATED PERSON(S)/ENTITIES(S): Robyn Farmer-Keyturn (RFK), July Gavin Henderson, New York Station Record-Keeper (JGH), Isaac Rodriguez, Head of New York Station Defense (IR), Angelo Romano, New York Station Chief (AR), Dr. Klaus Weber, Head of New York Station Artifacts (KW), [Pointer-Pen-Hound] (PPH) STATUS: CONFIDENTIAL (Recording begins at 9:02 AM Local Daylight Savings Time, in the Interview Room of Station New York of the Chatter & Melody Society, 217 East 31st Street, New York City, New York, United States of America) (JGH) Good morning, Robyn. For clarification, you’re being recorded, just for record-keeping’s sake. Did you have a restful first night here? (RFK) S-Sure did, Mister July. Your bedding is so nice and soft, like sleepin’ on a cloud or a pile ‘o fluffy chickens. And breakfast was real nice too. (JGH) That’s good to hear. Anastasia mentioned that you had a good appetite at breakfast. If you don’t mind me asking, what things did you eat that you were familiar with from your time in Broad City? (RFK) T-To be honest, most of your grub’s new to me, but the loaf-cuts an’ cure-strips were familiar enough. Miss Anastasia and Mister Isaac called ‘em toast and bacon. An’ your roast was real nice too, thick with milk. (JGH) Good. The roast is called coffee here. You’ll be working with me and some other members of the record-keeping staff so that you begin learning the dialect of english that is spoken here. But that’s only if you want to stay. Do you? (RFK) You’re damned right that I want to stay. I ‘ad no love for Broad City, an’ this place is where Speculation wanted me, an’ somethin’ tells me that I better not cross the snake. (JGH) Good. You can stay in the room you slept in last night, #103, until we set up more permanent accommodations. There is someone I’d like you to meet. Follow me, please. (All portable recording devices were picked up by July, as he and Robyn proceeded into the adjacent Entity Containment Room, Lowest Security. Recording continued in the location previously stated, where July and Robyn sat down.) (JGH) This is where we keep some of our associates. Robyn, have you ever heard of Entities before? (RFK) E-Entities? Maybe… if you mean the weird little things that some people saw, then yeah, I’ve seen em. There were plenty of the buggers in Broad City, mostly nasty little things that made people go mad or get sick or somethin’ similar. There were a few nice ones, though, ones that followed some folks around like hounds. The little kids called ‘em Tag-Alongsiders, cause they’d just follow their favorites. Skinny Sam had one, a somethin’ like a cat, but I could never count how many legs it had. Thing was cute, in a sorta funky way, with four big ol’ green eyes and a shiny red collar with a shiny silver bell attached. You could always hear Skinny coming, ‘cause that cat’s bell clanged like a tram on bad tracks. But not everyone could hear the bell. I remember some fancy man, in a big ol’ hat, all important-like, got damn near spooked out of his socks when that cat jumped on his shoulder and jangled that bell. He was a mean one, an’ Skinny said that he beat his shoe-boy, an’ Skinny didn’t like that, so he glared at the man, an’ the cat did its jangly bell thing. That man never hit anyone again… oh, sorry Mister July, I got kinda talky there. (JGH) No worries, Robyn. It sounds like the cat was something we call a Familiar, a simple kind of entity that chooses a person that it likes to protect and call home. Familiars are mostly helpful. And that’s why we’re here. Plenty of Familiars can’t find a person to call home, and so we collect them, letting them live here until they can find their person. But some don’t stay with one person, and so they help us train our new members until they decide to Change in exchange for a place to rest. Here, I’ll show you who’ll be helping you until you find your Familiar… (July gets up and gestures for Robyn to come towards a wooden crate, about as big as a small ottoman, stained reddish-brown and held together with shiny hardware) (JGH) In here’s someone called [Pointer-Pen-Hound]. She’s very nice, and has guided many of our members through their first steps. She probably won’t end up as your permanent Familiar, but she’s a very good placeholder for the time being… (July opens the hinged lid of the box, and a small Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever with a white and red twisted rope collar exits. See the file on [Pointer-Pen-Hound] for a detailed history and full description of this ENTITY.) (RFK) Oh, she’s real pretty, Mister July! (JGH) Indeed she is. Hello, [Pointer]. (PPH) HELLO! HELLO, JULY! HELLO, ARE YOU NEW? (RFK) AH! P-Pardon, miss, but you can talk? (PPH) YES, I CAN TALK. I CAN. NOT AS WELL AS PEOPLE, AND NOT LIKE PEOPLE, BUT CLOSE ENOUGH. (JGH) Alright, [Pointer], this is your new charge. Introduce yourself. (RFK) R-Right! Hello, Miss [Pointer], I’m Robyn. Miss Anastasia gave me the last name Farmer-Keyturn, because I did not have one before. I came here from Broad City, dragged through the Layers by something called the Speculation. (PPH) HELLO, ROBYN FARMER-KEYTURN! I WILL HELP YOU LEARN ABOUT NEW YORK CITY. YOU CAN CALL ME POINTER, POINTER-PEN, OR POINTER-PEN-HOUND. (JGH) Alright, looks to me like you two will be a good pair. Dr. Klaus Weber should be here now, so we can start examining the artifacts that Speculation gave you. We’ll be doing it in the Study Room, just down the hall. Would you like to be in the room, Robyn? (RFK) Uh, sure. I think that Speculation wants me to see you guys in action… and I can tell you when to stop. Is that alright, Miss [Pointer]? (PPH) YES. YES, I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE STUDYING OF THE ARTIFACTS. (JGH) Okay. Let’s go. (July proceeds to pick up all portable recording devices in use and walk to the Study Room, where Dr. Weber was waiting with the artifacts. Recording continues in the Study Room.) (KW) Ach, hallo! It is good to see you, Herr July! And is this Herr Robyn Farmer-Keyturn? (Record-Keeper’s note: Dr. Klaus Weber has a strong German accent and sometimes slips into German when excited. Translations will be added when necessary, formatted in {} brackets.) (JGH) Hello Dr. Weber. (RFK) Oh, hello, Mister Doctor Weber. Y-Yes, I’m Robyn. (KW) Do not worry, Robyn. I do not bite. And the Fortschritt likes the Spekulation, or so I hope. I certainly have enough Paranoia to serve both, hah! (RFK) The… Fort-shrit? (JGH) Fortschritt. It is the German name of the Progress, which is a power not dissimilar to the Speculation. Dr. Weber here is devoted the Progress. (KW) Ja, I am! And gladly so. The eisen wal is a magnificent Era to be devoted to, Herr July. Never mind, let us get on with the studying! Frau [Pointer], you may sit on this stool to observe. (PPH) AYE. AYE, I SHALL SIT HERE. (KW) So here are the artefaktes, the artifacts, that Spekulation gave you, ja? (RFK) Uh, yeah, they’re all here. Satchel, notepad, pen, camera-obscura, and film cans. Good. Uh, I-I think you’d be better off leaving the camera-obscura and film for last. Just a hunch. (JGH) And we’d be good to follow that hunch. Robyn, would you mind putting one of these gloves on? Just one, on your non-dominant hand. You’re probably fine touching these, but its better to be safe than sorry. (KW) Ja, let’s begin. Let’s do the notepad, the notizblock, first. I want to see what is written here. I can trust that you will remember and read most of the writing, Herr July? (JGH) Yes. (Record-Keeper’s Note: At this point, everyone present had latex-free gloves, surgical masks, hair nets, and goggles on, save [Pointer] and Robyn, the former because they had no dog-shaped equipment handy, and the latter because he had proven to be immune to any short-term negative effects from the artifacts. July had replaced his standard goggles with his Looking-Glasses) (KW) Hmm, mostly seems standard… Robyn, do you still have the writing from the feder, the pen, on your arm? I want to compare the ink. (RFK) O-Oh, yes, it’s still here, Mister Doctor Weber. (KW) Very similar, if not identical, though the writing on your arm is somewhat faded… ja, I say that they were written by the same pen or an exact replica of it. Very deep, dark red, almost blood-red, like altes blut, what you see at medical examinations and crime scenes. May I write with this on your skin, Robyn? (RFK) Okay… (KW) Does anything hurt? (RFK) No. A-An’ no funny feelings neither. (JGH) What are you writing, Weber? (KW) Just the alphabet. See, whole thing and nothing happening, ja, Robyn? (RFK) No. Just felt like you wrote the alphabet on me. (KW) Hmmm… perhaps it really is just an endless pen. Herr July, do we have plain scratch paper? (JGH) Yeah, here. For what, Doctor? (KW) Just a hunch, nothing solid yet, but the Spekulation deals in such feelings, ja? (Record-Keeper’s Note: Dr. Weber proceeded to write a simple fact on the scratch paper, specifically the following: My mother was born in Berlin during the Cold War. She was married to a member of the Stasi, the secret police. They had a German shepherd dog named Hoffnung.) (KW) Tell me Robyn, what did I just write down? (RFK) Uhhh… your mother was born somewhere called Berlin, during a war of some sort. Her… husband? Yeah, her husband was a member of paramilitary force, and they had a dog whose name means hope in a different language. (KW) Herr July, is what he said true to his knowledge? (JGH) …Yēs. Røbÿn Farmėr-Keytûrn believęs what he just said to be trūê. (KW) Aha! I knew it! This pen ist more than an endless inkwell. Robyn, how do you feel? (RFK) Tired, Mister Doctor. Not like I wanna sleep, but more like I wanna sit down. (KW) What say you, Frau [Pointer]? (PPH) HE IS TIRED, BUT NOT EMOTIONALLY OR PHYSICALLY. HIS MIND HAS BEEN MADE TIRED. (KW) I am korrekt! This pen is a true artifact of the Spekulation. It tells the truth as a politician will, with just enough removed and embellished to change the story a bit, and to our own Robyn only. Might you turn out as a reporter or journalist, young man? Hah! Herr July, we have ourselves something amazing here! Station New York has had its big break! (JGH) Indeed, Dr. Weber, and we still have the rest of the artifacts to go through. Let’s do the satchel next, and leave the camera and film for last, as Robyn recommended. (KW) Ja, ja. Seems like this satchel is mostly normal… nothing special. Robyn, have you looked in ever part of it? (RFK) Yes…w-wait. No, this pocket wasn’t here when I first had the satchel in Times Square… (Robyn proceeded to place his ungloved hand into a pocket roughly 4 inches in width and 6 inches in depth in the large interior section of the satchel and draws out a roll of paper bound with a new rubber band.) (RFK) Looks like… a poster, maybe? Or a flyer? (KW) Perhaps… unroll it. Keep track of the gummiband, the rubber-band. (Robyn unrolled the paper, revealing it to be a political poster in a melodramatic red-blue-white-and-black style.) (JGH) Is that Rudy Giuliani? (KW) Ja, it appears to be. But I’ve never seen a poster like that with him on it. (JGH) Well, it seems benign enough for now. Could you re-roll it, Robyn? (RFK) Sure… Wait. The pocket’s gone! (KW) Really? That’s interesting! Very interesting… this proves the satchel is a proper Spekulation artefakt. Just place the poster on the table for now. And now we just have the kamera and kamerafilm left. I do not trust myself to develop the film in the canister. Do we know what size film this camera takes, Herr July? (JGH) Perhaps. I can go ask Angelo and see if we can use any of his camera film. One moment. (July leaves the room, taking one recording device with him.) (Record-Keeper’s Note: The next two scenarios happen concurrently; they will be clearly marked as to when they both begin and end.) (In the Study Room:) (RFK) S-So, uh, Mister Weber, your muse is the Progress? (KW) Ja! The whale, it is mostly named here in America. It was these people who first gave the Fortschritt the name Progress, ja. During World War Two, the Zweite, the Second Great War, an American wissenschaftler {scientist}, one who dealt with physics, was the first to meet the Progress. Oppenheimer, he was called, and he helped make the nuklear bomb. (RFK) N-N-NUCLER BOMB?! (Record-Keeper’s Note: Robyn went pale and clutched both head and chest as he said the words above, according to the RECORD of Pointer.) [PPH] OH! OH, ROBYN! ARE YOU FEELING ALRIGHT? (KW) Oh, bist du ok {Oh, are you alright}? Did I trigger something, Herr Robyn? (RFK) I-I-I-I’m fine...i-i-it’s just that the l-l-last time I heard the w-word n-nuclear… (Record-Keeper’s Note: Robyn presents a significant stutter when flustered or frightened. This has been transcribed as faithfully as possible for the sake of accuracy.) (RFK) I-I-I-I d-d-d-don’t-t-t fe-e-e-el s-s-s-s-s-so g-g-g-good… huhhhhh… uhhh… (Record-Keeper’s Note: At this time, Robyn began making noises that are difficult to transcribe in written format. They have been written as closely to what was picked up by the recording as possible.) (KW) Oh nein oh nein, Robyn, liebling, wie kann ich helfen {oh no oh no, Robyn, dear, how can I help}?! (Simultaneously, in the Hallway, and Office of the Station Chief:)
(JGH) Hey, Angelo? Do you have a moment? You’re on tape. (AR) *muffled* Yes, come on in. (JGH) Thanks. So, we’re doing the studying of Robyn’s artifacts with Weber, and it seems like it would be best to not develop the film in the canisters quite yet. So they’d like to use some of your film to test the capabilities of the camera first. Thing is, we don’t know jack about cameras, so could you come and take a look and see what sort of film it’ll use? (AR) Sure. Don’t have much going on… yet. I’ve got a feeling, the sort the Little Bird delivers, that Europe is about to explode with news as soon as the Chiefs wrap their head around a Speculation devotee ending up in New York of all places. Old Man Maddox has already sent his Pony Express; he’s real happy that we’ve gotten our first big break since Limelight. I’m sure that new kid in charge of Station Dallas, Lloyd’s boy, Alex, is over the moon about this. He’s probably just swamped by all the border paperwork nonsense. And I bet Sanchez is proud of us too. He’s just too stuck up to send a Telegram. (JGH) Heh… I still can’t quite wrap my own head around our luck. A boy from an unknown Layer, loaded with artifacts, with a name like Robyn, and a sighting of the Red Star Eagle… I think most of my karma’s been used up in the span of a day. (AR) Yeah… but hey, at least we can finally get what we need to properly serve New York out of this windfall. Hate to say it, but Egypt might be loosing some funding soon… (JGH) HAH! I’d like to see Sami’s reaction to tha— (Isaac Rodriguez suddenly slams the door open) (IR) WE HAVE A SITUATION! GET YOUR BUTTS OVĘR HËRĒ RÎGHT NØW! (Isaac whips back around and leaves for the Study Room down the hall) (JGH) WHAT?! (AR) Let’s just go! (Record-Keeper’s Note: All recordings are now happening at the same time in the same place within the Study Room. Robyn is currently curled up on the ground in the fetal position, clutching his head with his hands and covering his eyes. [Pointer] is on his right, Dr. Weber is holding a bottle of water next to [Pointer]. ) (JGH) WHA— ROBYN! (AR) WHAT IS GOING ON? (IR) I DON’T KNOW! (RFK) Ughhhhhh… m-m-m-mist-t-t-ter Jul-l-l-ly..? (JGH) Robyn, I’m here. I’m here. Can you tell me what happened? (RFK) U-U-U-Uhhhh… Doctor W-Weber, h-he said s-s-something about… what makes a-a-atom bombs… (JGH) You mean nu- (KW) NEIN! Do not say it. Mit diesem Wort hat es angefangen {That word is what started it}. (IR) Robyn, does something hurt around your upper back area? (RFK) M-M-Mister I-Isaac..? Y-Y-Yes… something hurts there... owwww. S-S-Something wants… out. T-T-To come out… (AR) I… I didn’t think it would happen this quickly, to be honest. [PPH] INDEED… THIS IS FAR TOO QUICK. TOO QUICK. (RFK) Wh-Wh-What’s h-happening too quick? (AR) Dear boy, you’re about to meet your Familiar. Granted, in a way I have never personally witnessed, but you’re to meet them regardless. (IR) This is how I met my Familiar, too. It was painful; I serve the Expanse, so it was expected… but still. I have never seen a Speculation meet theirs so… physically before. (RFK) G-G-G-Great… I’m a f-f-f-front p-page st-t-tory… w-w-wait… (Record-Keeper’s Note: several seconds were erased from all copies of the recording as a result of the Emergence of [Threatening Throttling Truth], the Familiar of Robyn, and the Alteration of the latter. The following is an approximation from the recollections of those present: Robyn proceeded to rock onto all fours, arcing his back and bowing his head. He slowly grew silent during the following events. His back appeared to split open, displaying an anatomically incorrect interior to his body that was ‘far too large and far too dark to be that of a person’, according to Dr. Weber, in German. A dark cloud of something emerged from this wound, revealing a view into open space, replete with stars, nebulae, and a crescent moon. At this point, several somethings emerged from the darkest spot within the cloud and entered into Robyn’s wound. One of these somethings entered into Robyn’s right eye, another entered into his mouth, and one wrapped itself around his neck. The cloud then began to shrink back into Robyn’s body, and the wound closed itself, leaving behind unnaturally dark bloodstains, and a mark of the Speculation where the wound was: an eye surrounded by a snake whose mouth is chained shut.) (Recording resumes as normal, following several seconds of static marking the removed audio) (RFK) W-Well, hello there… I guess… you’re my Familiar then? [TTT] YES. WE ARE ONE. (AR) Well then… Robyn, I congratulate you on successfully becoming a devotee of the Speculation. You’ve earned your Familiar and your Muse’s Alteration. (JGH) I’m just glad you made it through. (IR) How do you feel, kid? (RFK) N-Not too bad, all things considered. Uh, Mister Romano, what are Alterations? (AR) They’re gifts from a Muse to a Devotee. Usually they’re whatever the Muse thinks will help the Devotee the most; the Songbird gave me musical skill and really good hearing as well as the feathers on my arms. (Angelo rolls up his sleeves, showing off the metallic feathers that cover his arms from the wrist up.) (JGH) Yeah. Thing is, Alterations aren’t always good things, or even useful things. Contradiction gave me some rather odd gifts, to be honest… really strong bones, according to my physician, a natural understanding of the nature of light, my heterochromia, that is, my two different colored eyes, and these things… (July pulls open his collar, revealing a pattern of scales and fur in a wide array of colors on his chest) (AR) I never did understand how those would be useful. Anyway, what do you think you got for your gifts? (RFK) Uhh, s-something went in m-my right eye, and something else got in my mouth, and another is still around my neck… oh, no, that’s just [Truth]. (KW) Ah, das ist also dein Vertrauter, ja {Ah, so that is your Familiar, yeah}? (RFK) Y-Yes. You’re called… [Threatening Throttling Truth], right? [TTT] …YES. THAT IS RIGHT. I BELIEVE THAT IS RIGHT. THAT IS RIGHT. (RFK) R-Right. I-I guess I won’t be paired with you, Miss [Pointer]. [PPH] NO WORRIES! DON’T WORRY! WE’LL STILL KNOW EACH-OTHER, ROBYN, DEAR! (AR) Wait, Robyn. Did you just understand what Klaus said in German? (RFK) Huh? I-I think so… (KW) Wow! Das ist unglaublich! Die Geschenke der Spekulation, die Sie erhalten haben, sind wirklich erstaunlich! {Wow! That is incredible! The gifts of the Speculation you have received are truly amazing!} (RFK) Th-Thanks? B-But I think it’s [Truth] who did that… [TTT] YES. YES. YES, HIS WORDS I UNDERSTAND, AND I LET YOU UNDERSTAND THEM TOO. I CAN TELL THE TRUTH, AND THROUGH ME, SO CAN YOU, DEAR ROBYN. (JGH) Well then, I guess we’ve got ourselves a new Speculator. How’re you feeling, Robyn? (RFK) *Yawns* R-Real tired, Mister July, real tired. (AR) Well, that’s expected. You should get some rest; Isaac, could you help Robyn to his room? (IR) Aye. Come on, little Serpent. You’ve got to recover after the ordeal your Muse just put ‘cha through. (RFK) Y-Yeah, th-that sounds good, Mister Isaac… (RECORDING ENDS)
TYPE: INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT & RECORDINGS RELATED PERSON(S)/ENTITIES(S): Robyn Farmer-Keyturn (RFK), July Gavin Henderson, New York Station Record-Keeper (JGH), Isaac Rodriguez, Head of New York Station Defense (IR), Angelo Romano, New York Station Chief (AR), Dr. Klaus Weber, Head of New York Station Artifacts (KW), [Pointer-Pen-Hound] (PPH) STATUS: CONFIDENTIAL (Recording begins at 9:02 AM Local Daylight Savings Time, in the Interview Room of Station New York of the Chatter & Melody Society, 217 East 31st Street, New York City, New York, United States of America) (JGH) Good morning, Robyn. For clarification, you’re being recorded, just for record-keeping’s sake. Did you have a restful first night here? (RFK) S-Sure did, Mister July. Your bedding is so nice and soft, like sleepin’ on a cloud or a pile ‘o fluffy chickens. And breakfast was real nice too. (JGH) That’s good to hear. Anastasia mentioned that you had a good appetite at breakfast. If you don’t mind me asking, what things did you eat that you were familiar with from your time in Broad City? (RFK) T-To be honest, most of your grub’s new to me, but the loaf-cuts an’ cure-strips were familiar enough. Miss Anastasia and Mister Isaac called ‘em toast and bacon. An’ your roast was real nice too, thick with milk. (JGH) Good. The roast is called coffee here. You’ll be working with me and some other members of the record-keeping staff so that you begin learning the dialect of english that is spoken here. But that’s only if you want to stay. Do you? (RFK) You’re damned right that I want to stay. I ‘ad no love for Broad City, an’ this place is where Speculation wanted me, an’ somethin’ tells me that I better not cross the snake. (JGH) Good. You can stay in the room you slept in last night, #103, until we set up more permanent accommodations. There is someone I’d like you to meet. Follow me, please. (All portable recording devices were picked up by July, as he and Robyn proceeded into the adjacent Entity Containment Room, Lowest Security. Recording continued in the location previously stated, where July and Robyn sat down.) (JGH) This is where we keep some of our associates. Robyn, have you ever heard of Entities before? (RFK) E-Entities? Maybe… if you mean the weird little things that some people saw, then yeah, I’ve seen em. There were plenty of the buggers in Broad City, mostly nasty little things that made people go mad or get sick or somethin’ similar. There were a few nice ones, though, ones that followed some folks around like hounds. The little kids called ‘em Tag-Alongsiders, cause they’d just follow their favorites. Skinny Sam had one, a somethin’ like a cat, but I could never count how many legs it had. Thing was cute, in a sorta funky way, with four big ol’ green eyes and a shiny red collar with a shiny silver bell attached. You could always hear Skinny coming, ‘cause that cat’s bell clanged like a tram on bad tracks. But not everyone could hear the bell. I remember some fancy man, in a big ol’ hat, all important-like, got damn near spooked out of his socks when that cat jumped on his shoulder and jangled that bell. He was a mean one, an’ Skinny said that he beat his shoe-boy, an’ Skinny didn’t like that, so he glared at the man, an’ the cat did its jangly bell thing. That man never hit anyone again… oh, sorry Mister July, I got kinda talky there. (JGH) No worries, Robyn. It sounds like the cat was something we call a Familiar, a simple kind of entity that chooses a person that it likes to protect and call home. Familiars are mostly helpful. And that’s why we’re here. Plenty of Familiars can’t find a person to call home, and so we collect them, letting them live here until they can find their person. But some don’t stay with one person, and so they help us train our new members until they decide to Change in exchange for a place to rest. Here, I’ll show you who’ll be helping you until you find your Familiar… (July gets up and gestures for Robyn to come towards a wooden crate, about as big as a small ottoman, stained reddish-brown and held together with shiny hardware) (JGH) In here’s someone called [Pointer-Pen-Hound]. She’s very nice, and has guided many of our members through their first steps. She probably won’t end up as your permanent Familiar, but she’s a very good placeholder for the time being… (July opens the hinged lid of the box, and a small Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever with a white and red twisted rope collar exits. See the file on [Pointer-Pen-Hound] for a detailed history and full description of this ENTITY.) (RFK) Oh, she’s real pretty, Mister July! (JGH) Indeed she is. Hello, [Pointer]. (PPH) HELLO! HELLO, JULY! HELLO, ARE YOU NEW? (RFK) AH! P-Pardon, miss, but you can talk? (PPH) YES, I CAN TALK. I CAN. NOT AS WELL AS PEOPLE, AND NOT LIKE PEOPLE, BUT CLOSE ENOUGH. (JGH) Alright, [Pointer], this is your new charge. Introduce yourself. (RFK) R-Right! Hello, Miss [Pointer], I’m Robyn. Miss Anastasia gave me the last name Farmer-Keyturn, because I did not have one before. I came here from Broad City, dragged through the Layers by something called the Speculation. (PPH) HELLO, ROBYN FARMER-KEYTURN! I WILL HELP YOU LEARN ABOUT NEW YORK CITY. YOU CAN CALL ME POINTER, POINTER-PEN, OR POINTER-PEN-HOUND. (JGH) Alright, looks to me like you two will be a good pair. Dr. Klaus Weber should be here now, so we can start examining the artifacts that Speculation gave you. We’ll be doing it in the Study Room, just down the hall. Would you like to be in the room, Robyn? (RFK) Uh, sure. I think that Speculation wants me to see you guys in action… and I can tell you when to stop. Is that alright, Miss [Pointer]? (PPH) YES. YES, I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE STUDYING OF THE ARTIFACTS. (JGH) Okay. Let’s go. (July proceeds to pick up all portable recording devices in use and walk to the Study Room, where Dr. Weber was waiting with the artifacts. Recording continues in the Study Room.) (KW) Ach, hallo! It is good to see you, Herr July! And is this Herr Robyn Farmer-Keyturn? (Record-Keeper’s note: Dr. Klaus Weber has a strong German accent and sometimes slips into German when excited. Translations will be added when necessary, formatted in {} brackets.) (JGH) Hello Dr. Weber. (RFK) Oh, hello, Mister Doctor Weber. Y-Yes, I’m Robyn. (KW) Do not worry, Robyn. I do not bite. And the Fortschritt likes the Spekulation, or so I hope. I certainly have enough Paranoia to serve both, hah! (RFK) The… Fort-shrit? (JGH) Fortschritt. It is the German name of the Progress, which is a power not dissimilar to the Speculation. Dr. Weber here is devoted the Progress. (KW) Ja, I am! And gladly so. The eisen wal is a magnificent Era to be devoted to, Herr July. Never mind, let us get on with the studying! Frau [Pointer], you may sit on this stool to observe. (PPH) AYE. AYE, I SHALL SIT HERE. (KW) So here are the artefaktes, the artifacts, that Spekulation gave you, ja? (RFK) Uh, yeah, they’re all here. Satchel, notepad, pen, camera-obscura, and film cans. Good. Uh, I-I think you’d be better off leaving the camera-obscura and film for last. Just a hunch. (JGH) And we’d be good to follow that hunch. Robyn, would you mind putting one of these gloves on? Just one, on your non-dominant hand. You’re probably fine touching these, but its better to be safe than sorry. (KW) Ja, let’s begin. Let’s do the notepad, the notizblock, first. I want to see what is written here. I can trust that you will remember and read most of the writing, Herr July? (JGH) Yes. (Record-Keeper’s Note: At this point, everyone present had latex-free gloves, surgical masks, hair nets, and goggles on, save [Pointer] and Robyn, the former because they had no dog-shaped equipment handy, and the latter because he had proven to be immune to any short-term negative effects from the artifacts. July had replaced his standard goggles with his Looking-Glasses) (KW) Hmm, mostly seems standard… Robyn, do you still have the writing from the feder, the pen, on your arm? I want to compare the ink. (RFK) O-Oh, yes, it’s still here, Mister Doctor Weber. (KW) Very similar, if not identical, though the writing on your arm is somewhat faded… ja, I say that they were written by the same pen or an exact replica of it. Very deep, dark red, almost blood-red, like altes blut, what you see at medical examinations and crime scenes. May I write with this on your skin, Robyn? (RFK) Okay… (KW) Does anything hurt? (RFK) No. A-An’ no funny feelings neither. (JGH) What are you writing, Weber? (KW) Just the alphabet. See, whole thing and nothing happening, ja, Robyn? (RFK) No. Just felt like you wrote the alphabet on me. (KW) Hmmm… perhaps it really is just an endless pen. Herr July, do we have plain scratch paper? (JGH) Yeah, here. For what, Doctor? (KW) Just a hunch, nothing solid yet, but the Spekulation deals in such feelings, ja? (Record-Keeper’s Note: Dr. Weber proceeded to write a simple fact on the scratch paper, specifically the following: My mother was born in Berlin during the Cold War. She was married to a member of the Stasi, the secret police. They had a German shepherd dog named Hoffnung.) (KW) Tell me Robyn, what did I just write down? (RFK) Uhhh… your mother was born somewhere called Berlin, during a war of some sort. Her… husband? Yeah, her husband was a member of paramilitary force, and they had a dog whose name means hope in a different language. (KW) Herr July, is what he said true to his knowledge? (JGH) …Yēs. Røbÿn Farmėr-Keytûrn believęs what he just said to be trūê. (KW) Aha! I knew it! This pen ist more than an endless inkwell. Robyn, how do you feel? (RFK) Tired, Mister Doctor. Not like I wanna sleep, but more like I wanna sit down. (KW) What say you, Frau [Pointer]? (PPH) HE IS TIRED, BUT NOT EMOTIONALLY OR PHYSICALLY. HIS MIND HAS BEEN MADE TIRED. (KW) I am korrekt! This pen is a true artifact of the Spekulation. It tells the truth as a politician will, with just enough removed and embellished to change the story a bit, and to our own Robyn only. Might you turn out as a reporter or journalist, young man? Hah! Herr July, we have ourselves something amazing here! Station New York has had its big break! (JGH) Indeed, Dr. Weber, and we still have the rest of the artifacts to go through. Let’s do the satchel next, and leave the camera and film for last, as Robyn recommended. (KW) Ja, ja. Seems like this satchel is mostly normal… nothing special. Robyn, have you looked in ever part of it? (RFK) Yes…w-wait. No, this pocket wasn’t here when I first had the satchel in Times Square… (Robyn proceeded to place his ungloved hand into a pocket roughly 4 inches in width and 6 inches in depth in the large interior section of the satchel and draws out a roll of paper bound with a new rubber band.) (RFK) Looks like… a poster, maybe? Or a flyer? (KW) Perhaps… unroll it. Keep track of the gummiband, the rubber-band. (Robyn unrolled the paper, revealing it to be a political poster in a melodramatic red-blue-white-and-black style.) (JGH) Is that Rudy Giuliani? (KW) Ja, it appears to be. But I’ve never seen a poster like that with him on it. (JGH) Well, it seems benign enough for now. Could you re-roll it, Robyn? (RFK) Sure… Wait. The pocket’s gone! (KW) Really? That’s interesting! Very interesting… this proves the satchel is a proper Spekulation artefakt. Just place the poster on the table for now. And now we just have the kamera and kamerafilm left. I do not trust myself to develop the film in the canister. Do we know what size film this camera takes, Herr July? (JGH) Perhaps. I can go ask Angelo and see if we can use any of his camera film. One moment. (July leaves the room, taking one recording device with him.) (Record-Keeper’s Note: The next two scenarios happen concurrently; they will be clearly marked as to when they both begin and end.) (In the Study Room:) (RFK) S-So, uh, Mister Weber, your muse is the Progress? (KW) Ja! The whale, it is mostly named here in America. It was these people who first gave the Fortschritt the name Progress, ja. During World War Two, the Zweite, the Second Great War, an American wissenschaftler {scientist}, one who dealt with physics, was the first to meet the Progress. Oppenheimer, he was called, and he helped make the nuklear bomb. (RFK) N-N-NUCLER BOMB?! (Record-Keeper’s Note: Robyn went pale and clutched both head and chest as he said the words above, according to the RECORD of Pointer.) [PPH] OH! OH, ROBYN! ARE YOU FEELING ALRIGHT? (KW) Oh, bist du ok {Oh, are you alright}? Did I trigger something, Herr Robyn? (RFK) I-I-I-I’m fine...i-i-it’s just that the l-l-last time I heard the w-word n-nuclear… (Record-Keeper’s Note: Robyn presents a significant stutter when flustered or frightened. This has been transcribed as faithfully as possible for the sake of accuracy.) (RFK) I-I-I-I d-d-d-don’t-t-t fe-e-e-el s-s-s-s-s-so g-g-g-good… huhhhhh… uhhh… (Record-Keeper’s Note: At this time, Robyn began making noises that are difficult to transcribe in written format. They have been written as closely to what was picked up by the recording as possible.) (KW) Oh nein oh nein, Robyn, liebling, wie kann ich helfen {oh no oh no, Robyn, dear, how can I help}?! (Simultaneously, in the Hallway, and Office of the Station Chief:)
(JGH) Hey, Angelo? Do you have a moment? You’re on tape. (AR) *muffled* Yes, come on in. (JGH) Thanks. So, we’re doing the studying of Robyn’s artifacts with Weber, and it seems like it would be best to not develop the film in the canisters quite yet. So they’d like to use some of your film to test the capabilities of the camera first. Thing is, we don’t know jack about cameras, so could you come and take a look and see what sort of film it’ll use? (AR) Sure. Don’t have much going on… yet. I’ve got a feeling, the sort the Little Bird delivers, that Europe is about to explode with news as soon as the Chiefs wrap their head around a Speculation devotee ending up in New York of all places. Old Man Maddox has already sent his Pony Express; he’s real happy that we’ve gotten our first big break since Limelight. I’m sure that new kid in charge of Station Dallas, Lloyd’s boy, Alex, is over the moon about this. He’s probably just swamped by all the border paperwork nonsense. And I bet Sanchez is proud of us too. He’s just too stuck up to send a Telegram. (JGH) Heh… I still can’t quite wrap my own head around our luck. A boy from an unknown Layer, loaded with artifacts, with a name like Robyn, and a sighting of the Red Star Eagle… I think most of my karma’s been used up in the span of a day. (AR) Yeah… but hey, at least we can finally get what we need to properly serve New York out of this windfall. Hate to say it, but Egypt might be loosing some funding soon… (JGH) HAH! I’d like to see Sami’s reaction to tha— (Isaac Rodriguez suddenly slams the door open) (IR) WE HAVE A SITUATION! GET YOUR BUTTS OVĘR HËRĒ RÎGHT NØW! (Isaac whips back around and leaves for the Study Room down the hall) (JGH) WHAT?! (AR) Let’s just go! (Record-Keeper’s Note: All recordings are now happening at the same time in the same place within the Study Room. Robyn is currently curled up on the ground in the fetal position, clutching his head with his hands and covering his eyes. [Pointer] is on his right, Dr. Weber is holding a bottle of water next to [Pointer]. ) (JGH) WHA— ROBYN! (AR) WHAT IS GOING ON? (IR) I DON’T KNOW! (RFK) Ughhhhhh… m-m-m-mist-t-t-ter Jul-l-l-ly..? (JGH) Robyn, I’m here. I’m here. Can you tell me what happened? (RFK) U-U-U-Uhhhh… Doctor W-Weber, h-he said s-s-something about… what makes a-a-atom bombs… (JGH) You mean nu- (KW) NEIN! Do not say it. Mit diesem Wort hat es angefangen {That word is what started it}. (IR) Robyn, does something hurt around your upper back area? (RFK) M-M-Mister I-Isaac..? Y-Y-Yes… something hurts there... owwww. S-S-Something wants… out. T-T-To come out… (AR) I… I didn’t think it would happen this quickly, to be honest. [PPH] INDEED… THIS IS FAR TOO QUICK. TOO QUICK. (RFK) Wh-Wh-What’s h-happening too quick? (AR) Dear boy, you’re about to meet your Familiar. Granted, in a way I have never personally witnessed, but you’re to meet them regardless. (IR) This is how I met my Familiar, too. It was painful; I serve the Expanse, so it was expected… but still. I have never seen a Speculation meet theirs so… physically before. (RFK) G-G-G-Great… I’m a f-f-f-front p-page st-t-tory… w-w-wait… (Record-Keeper’s Note: several seconds were erased from all copies of the recording as a result of the Emergence of [Threatening Throttling Truth], the Familiar of Robyn, and the Alteration of the latter. The following is an approximation from the recollections of those present: Robyn proceeded to rock onto all fours, arcing his back and bowing his head. He slowly grew silent during the following events. His back appeared to split open, displaying an anatomically incorrect interior to his body that was ‘far too large and far too dark to be that of a person’, according to Dr. Weber, in German. A dark cloud of something emerged from this wound, revealing a view into open space, replete with stars, nebulae, and a crescent moon. At this point, several somethings emerged from the darkest spot within the cloud and entered into Robyn’s wound. One of these somethings entered into Robyn’s right eye, another entered into his mouth, and one wrapped itself around his neck. The cloud then began to shrink back into Robyn’s body, and the wound closed itself, leaving behind unnaturally dark bloodstains, and a mark of the Speculation where the wound was: an eye surrounded by a snake whose mouth is chained shut.) (Recording resumes as normal, following several seconds of static marking the removed audio) (RFK) W-Well, hello there… I guess… you’re my Familiar then? [TTT] YES. WE ARE ONE. (AR) Well then… Robyn, I congratulate you on successfully becoming a devotee of the Speculation. You’ve earned your Familiar and your Muse’s Alteration. (JGH) I’m just glad you made it through. (IR) How do you feel, kid? (RFK) N-Not too bad, all things considered. Uh, Mister Romano, what are Alterations? (AR) They’re gifts from a Muse to a Devotee. Usually they’re whatever the Muse thinks will help the Devotee the most; the Songbird gave me musical skill and really good hearing as well as the feathers on my arms. (Angelo rolls up his sleeves, showing off the metallic feathers that cover his arms from the wrist up.) (JGH) Yeah. Thing is, Alterations aren’t always good things, or even useful things. Contradiction gave me some rather odd gifts, to be honest… really strong bones, according to my physician, a natural understanding of the nature of light, my heterochromia, that is, my two different colored eyes, and these things… (July pulls open his collar, revealing a pattern of scales and fur in a wide array of colors on his chest) (AR) I never did understand how those would be useful. Anyway, what do you think you got for your gifts? (RFK) Uhh, s-something went in m-my right eye, and something else got in my mouth, and another is still around my neck… oh, no, that’s just [Truth]. (KW) Ah, das ist also dein Vertrauter, ja {Ah, so that is your Familiar, yeah}? (RFK) Y-Yes. You’re called… [Threatening Throttling Truth], right? [TTT] …YES. THAT IS RIGHT. I BELIEVE THAT IS RIGHT. THAT IS RIGHT. (RFK) R-Right. I-I guess I won’t be paired with you, Miss [Pointer]. [PPH] NO WORRIES! DON’T WORRY! WE’LL STILL KNOW EACH-OTHER, ROBYN, DEAR! (AR) Wait, Robyn. Did you just understand what Klaus said in German? (RFK) Huh? I-I think so… (KW) Wow! Das ist unglaublich! Die Geschenke der Spekulation, die Sie erhalten haben, sind wirklich erstaunlich! {Wow! That is incredible! The gifts of the Speculation you have received are truly amazing!} (RFK) Th-Thanks? B-But I think it’s [Truth] who did that… [TTT] YES. YES. YES, HIS WORDS I UNDERSTAND, AND I LET YOU UNDERSTAND THEM TOO. I CAN TELL THE TRUTH, AND THROUGH ME, SO CAN YOU, DEAR ROBYN. (JGH) Well then, I guess we’ve got ourselves a new Speculator. How’re you feeling, Robyn? (RFK) *Yawns* R-Real tired, Mister July, real tired. (AR) Well, that’s expected. You should get some rest; Isaac, could you help Robyn to his room? (IR) Aye. Come on, little Serpent. You’ve got to recover after the ordeal your Muse just put ‘cha through. (RFK) Y-Yeah, th-that sounds good, Mister Isaac… (RECORDING ENDS)
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Author's Notes
Chronology: Occurs one day after #19990411-NY, ‘Robyn No Last Name Given’.