Zapp Brannigan
Captain Zapp Leslie Brannigan (a.k.a. The Velour Fog, The Big Z, The Zapper, etc. (Self-Titled), The Velour Jackass (Given by his second in command Ffik Hopper))
Zapp Brannigan is the single most renowned Human captain currently alive. He has recieved accolades and recognition from being involved in some of the largest military campaigns in recent history. However, beneath his trade mark bravado and gung-ho demeanour lies a cowardly and incompetent man more obsessed with his own comfort and image than the lives of his men or anyone that is not him.
Physical Description
General Physical Condition
Slightly Obese, Muscle to Fat
Body Features
Wide shoulders, narrow waist, slight paunch visible through his form fitting velour uniform, and unnaturally hairless over his full body most noticeably his exposed legs from mid-upper thigh to mid-calf.
Facial Features
Ruggedly hansome with a well proportioned nose, strong chin, and full smile. He is beginning to develop crow's feet around his eyes which is of great distress to him.
Apparel & Accessories
Mental characteristics
Gender Identity
Identifies as a straight male that exemplifies what it means to be manly. Is passively derogatory to any person or species that identifies outside of his binary view of gender. Eg. Has been known to criticize his soldiers for "crying like a woman" or refering to the monarch of Hermaphrodon IX as "dude" and "bro".
Sexuality
Believes himself to be the epitome of male sexuality and attractiveness. He has been known to make homophobic comments about males he believes are "not manly" enough.
Education
Unknown, known for frequent grammatical and pronunciation errors.
Employment
Captain of the Democratic Order OF Planets (DOOP) Flagship The Nimbus
Accomplishments & Achievements
Defeated an army of Killbots by sacrificing his troops until the bots' pre-set "Kill limit" was reached.
Rented self a medal after leading a successful assault on the Spiderian home world Tarantulon 6.
Led DOOP to victory over the peaceful Ball-People of planet Spheron 1.
Single-handedly defeated the Retiree People of the Assisted Living Nebula.
Annihilated the Pacifists of the Gandhi Nebula.
Conducted a triumphant carpet bombing on Eden 7.
Authored Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War, which is likely a plagiarized version of Sun Tzu's The Art of War.
Failures & Embarrassments
Numerous, full extent is unknown due to his scapegoating of subordinates and allies.
Intellectual Characteristics
Headstrong, Confident, Buys into his own Hype
Personality Characteristics
Motivation
Personal Gain and Glory
Preservation of his own skin
Likes & Dislikes
Likes:
Dislikes:
Virtues & Personality perks
...at least he's not a villain?
Vices & Personality flaws
Numerous, Too many to summarize here
Hygiene
Frequently showers and bathes, regularly shaves his body and applies cologne, can be theorized to brush his teeth regularly as he has a complete set of real teeth.
Social
Contacts & Relations
Somehow knows everyone important in the galaxy at least in passing.
Family Ties
Unknown, several illegitimate children
Religious Views
Practically worships himself as a deity.
Social Aptitude
Capable of talking his way into/out of anything and anywhere. Capable of inspiring anyone that in not under his direct command with tales of his (supposed) valor.
Speech
Loud
Bold
Deep
High Pitched (when acting cravenly)
Wealth & Financial state
Varies wildly between fabulously wealthy and completely destitute.
Alignment
Lawful Stupid
Species
Ethnicity
Date of Birth
June 30th
Year of Birth
542 Pt.S.
34 Years old
Children
Current Residence
DOOP Flagship The Nimbus
Pronouns
Male, He would state "I'm so male, the concept of manliness looks at me and feels insuficiently manly!"
Gender
Male
Eyes
Brown
Hair
Blonde, Thinning, Enhanced with a toupee
Skin Tone/Pigmentation
Caucasian, Mild spray tan
Height
6'3"
Weight
240lbs
Quotes & Catchphrases
“If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.”
“The way to a woman’s bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you’re in.”
“We know nothing about them, their language, their history or what they look like. But we can assume this. They stand for everything we don’t stand for. Also they told me you guys look like dorks.”
“I am the man with no name. Zapp Brannigan, at your service.”
“In the game of chess, you can never let your adversary see your pieces.”
“I’ve never heard of such a brutal and shocking injustice that I cared so little about!”
"When I'm in command, every mission is a suicide mission."
"Call me cocky, but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet. But I can't go in alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air."
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