Session 147

General Summary

• The party continued through the route, discovering another guard behaving oddly and fighting off more pests along the way.
• After encountering an impassible barrier at the end, Dazki doubled back, discovering that the actual guards were left unconscious in the grass, and that the two guard-looking individuals were actually more of the affected local wildlife in disguise.
• The actual guards inexplicably found themselves in possession of Oil of Sharpness items, which allowed the party to bypass the barriers and proceed into the shrine.
• Inside the shrine, there was a mythical-looking sword on display that nobody could actually extract from its pedestal, and a large orb that the party surmised must be the source of the Turmoil-related activity in the area.
• Whacking the orb caused it to crack open (cleanly in half), and a creature of otherworldly chaos materialized in front of them and started attacking them.
• After dispatching the ṵ̭͐̂n̞̪͛͠ṷ̉̅͜ṡ͍̳̓̈́ͅŭ͖̙͞ȁ̧͈̈l̫͑ creature, each non-Dazki party member's bag started overflowing with copies of one specific item that they already had before.

Full Recap

Dazki suggests that, since the nearby unresponsive guard is probably just a shell of himself, it might be the lesser evil to just have Marvin use a Command spell to have him return to the other guard, (Wisdom Save 18) but it fails, so they leave him alone and proceed through the area.   They pass through the next patch of grass without incident. At the next patch of grass, another guard stands right in the middle, his arms swaying back and forth lazily. Kesmet puts a Minor Illusion of Dazki right in front of him; the guard does not react at all. Dwardazik walks into the grass, triggering an attack from a hidden ODD PURPLE RAT, and Theran likewise triggers an attack from a hidden INNOCUOUS BIRD when he moves in to assist. They beat down the two animals, who faint and disappear as the others have been doing. Dwardazik engages with the guard.

Dwardazik: Uh... hello? Are you OK, or are you hypnotized like the other lad?   Guard: See those ledges along the road? It's a bit scary, but you can jump from them. You can get back to town quicker that way.   Dwardazik: That doesn't make any sense! ...I mean, I guess it makes a little bit of sense, but... are you OK? (He waves his mace in front of the guard's eyes.)   Guard: See those ledges along the road? It's a bit scary, but you can jump from them. You can get back to town quicker that way.   Dwardazik: ...ugh.   Theran: I feel like he's not going to say much different.   Marvin: Dwardazik! Who are we to judge this man's wisdom, that he gives to us freely?   Theran: It's "wisdom", definition-wise..., but...

They move through the grass, all following the same path that doesn't seem to trigger any further encounters (Marvin says "Smell Ya Later" to the guard as he passes). Dazki senses some rustling in the grass and takes note of it, but he doesn't investigate it right away. They move through the next patch of grass, encountering another INNOCUOUS BIRD, which they dispatch quickly and continue up.   The entrance to the gatehouse is blocked by two identical, scrawny-looking shrubs that seem to block the party from getting through, despite their appearance. Nothing they try seems to work. Dazki decides to go back to the patch of grass where he sensed that rustling and investigates. He spots a guard, unconscious in the grass, right next to where the other guard is still standing. The standing guard transforms into a much larger INNOCUOUS BIRD and attacks him; he leads it away back to the rest of the group, where they dispatch it. The unconscious guard stands up, as Dazki explains the situation to the others.

Theran: Wait, does that mean there's an unconscious guard by the other one too, that we just need to find?   Dazki: Maybe...   Theran: WAIT, that's why the guard was just saying "rat rat rat rat" over and over again in his head!   Dazki: I assume he's probably a rat...   Kesmet: Let's go and beat 'im up then!   Theran: I don't know how Turmoil works, is there a chance that he's literally that guy until we find the other?   Dazki: No idea.   Kesmet: Let's take care of this guy first.   The Recently Unconscious Guard ("RUG") is still standing up, dazed.   Dazki: Hail, can you hear us?   RUG: ...what?   Dazki: You were unconscious in the grass for a while. What happened?   RUG: I don't... remember.   Dazki: What is the last thing you remember?   RUG: I was given this... this thing. (He holds up a small vial of oil with a gem on top.) ...and... now, ...maybe I shouldn't accept gifts from strangers?   Dazki: Who gave that to you?   RUG: ... ... ...you know, I'm not entirely sure. Do you want this weird potion?   Dazki: You just said maybe it's not a good idea to accept gifts from strangers, so you'll have to forgive me if I'm a bit hesitant and want to look it over first?   RUG: Yeah, that makes sense.   (Turmoil 17) The contents of the vial don't seem tumultuous... in fact, (Arcana 22) it's an Oil of Sharpness, something his father has used many a time in the past.   Dazki, taking the vial: Actually, yeah — (he takes the vial) — thank you, I think that's just what we're going to need!   Theran: Let's go try to save the other guy, too.   RUG: Are you... are you sure?   Dazki: Tell you what — if I fall unconscious, I'll ask you to break it for me, deal?   RUG: OK.

As they begin heading towards the first "guard", a much larger ODD PURPLE RAT stands in their way, so they engage with it. The fight is cut somewhat short when Marvin uses a Dissonant Whispers spell on it, and it runs away, disappearing entirely. They go down towards the first patch of grass, seeing another guard. He also has an Oil of Sharpness that he picked up, having spotted it glittering in the grass. Dazki takes it. The Oil of Sharpness is enough to chop down the shrubs. They enter into the gatehouse, leaving "Barf" behind to hang out with a guard.  

'M-'M Good

Immediately upon entering the gatehouse, a wave of what can only be described as "glitchiness" washes over the group — causing Kesmet (Constitution Save 13) to stumble a bit — emanating from a large stone orb floating in the air over a dark round pit. Dwardazik initially wonders about giving his passenger, Gemineye, a chance to try doing something with it — which irritates Dazki tremendously: "remember when I asked you about what Gemineye can or can't do, and what he could do to you, and like that? might've been something worth bringing up at that point!" — but he ultimately decides against risking it when he remarks about the size of the Turmoil-stricken orb.   Dazki looks into the focal piece of the shrine: a sword embedded in a pedestal. An inscription on the pedestal reads, "Whosoever holds this sword, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of the hero". A pile of ashes next to the pedestal reminds everyone to be cautious here. Inspecting and checking it out, the sword reads as "profoundly Good" (as well as profoundly stuck in its pedestal). A few people try to pull out the sword, but it does not budge, and a second pulse of "glitchiness" (Constitution Save 13) is also a bit much for Theran to withstand.   Dwardazik charges at the pulsing orb, causing it to shake and gyrate violently. Large cracks form where his warhammer hit it, and it splits completely in half: a top side and a bottom side — the top side red, bottom side white. Perfectly square bits flake off, and strange angular ooze takes on geometric but seemingly random patterns. There's a long combat segment, during which the Missing Number uses a flavor of glitchy attacks, but they take it down. Some highlights:

• Dazki used his "Something Borrowed" ability to cast a Dimension Door spell using his link with Marvin.
• A very important Intelligence Save from Dazki avoided the worst of a Feeblemind spell from the monster.
• Marvin('s purple hand) and Dwardazik simultaneously got the finishing blow with attacks of opportunity as it attempted to move out of Theran's damaging aura.

The obelisk begins to disintegrate, and square two-dimensional particles come off of it. They hit the ground and disappear.

Dwardazik: Woof! Woof-woof-woof-woof!   Dazki: Uh... I don't understand what you're saying?   Dwardazik: Woof-woof-woof-woof!   Dazki: Uh... OK?   Dwardazik: Woof! (He sheathes his weapon and shield and points to the disintegrating mass, which finishes disintegrating as he says this.)   Dazki: Come on, I think we should get out of here. Quickly.

Kesmet tries to stab Dwardazik with his silver dagger, but Dwardazik dodges. Theran decides it's time to use a "Really Good Insight" spell to read Dwardazik's surface-level thoughts mostly just to see if he's been body-swapped with "Barf". According to Theran, Dwardazik thinks he's talking normally and he's confused why everybody else can't understand him all of a sudden.

Dazki: OK... maybe it's a magic thing, and it will fade off after a while?   Dwardazik: ...woof-woof-WOOFWOOFWOOFWOOF! WOOF!   Theran: Yeah, it just sounds like you're saying "woof" over and over again. We can't understand what you're saying.   Kesmet tries again to stab Dwardazik, this time successfully hitting him.   Theran: ...also, Kesmet, stop stabbing at him! He's not a Hound!   Dwardazik: woofwoofwoofwoof...   Marvin: Should we go find "Barf"?! Something's happened to him, we need to find "Barf"!   Dwardazik returns Kesmet's favor by conking him on the noggin with his own warhammer.   Dazki: Hey-hey-HEY! Guys!   Dwardazik: WOOF-WOOF-WOOF-WOOF!   Dazki, grabbing Dwardazik's shoulder: Hey, hey! It's just a mixup. It's OK. Everything's fine.   Kesmet: Well, I've been stabbing him, so... it's probably not OK...   Dwardazik, pointing aggressively at Kesmet: Woof-woofwoofwoof-WOOF!   Dazki: Yeah, and Kesmet, don't stab him! He's not a werewolf! What's going on, man?   Dwardazik: Woof-woof-woof-woof! (He throws his hands up in the air.) Woof-WOOF-woof-WOOF!   Kesmet: Can we give him a writing implement? Maybe it's just his speech that's impacted.   Dazki: Good idea, Kesmet.   Dazki opens up his journal to a blank page and hands it to Dwardazik with a pen.   Dwardazik writes in it: "woof woof woof, woof".   Dazki: OK, it doesn't look like that works. All you're writing is "woof woof woof".

As this conversation goes on, everybody but Dazki begins to feel their backpacks get heavier.

• Marvin's pack is overflowing with hundreds of copies of a diamond of some sort (not the resurrection diamond, not the "WINNER" diamond).
• Tens of thousands of ball bearings come out of Kesmet's.
• An indeterminate number of bedrolls start spewing out of Theran's backpack with no end in sight.
• Dwardazik's pack breaks entirely along the bottom, and manacles spew out of it on the ground.

Marvin immediately gets incredibly protective over his diamonds, insisting that they are all his even before anyone has the chance to reach towards any of them. Kesmet uses Mage Hand to take one of them, but Marvin intercepts it with his own magical (big purple) hand, seemingly unable or unwilling to run after it physically.

Dazki: Kesmet, don't — ...Marvin, let me carry some of them for you? I promise I will give them —   Marvin hisses at him.   Theran: Marvin, are you OK?   Dwardazik: Woof-woof, woof, woof!   Marvin: It's fine, just give them all back to me!   Kesmet, leveling his dagger at Marvin: Are you acting weird too?   Dazki: Kesmet!   Theran: Kesmet, stop escalating!   Marvin moves the big purple hand behind Kesmet.   Dazki: Everyone, let's calm down!   Kesmet dispels the hand.   Kesmet: Stop being so weird with the dang diamonds. You can have 'em all. We're just, like, curious what they are. Let's go get Dwardazik before he barks at "Barf".   Marvin: They're totally not cursed, OK? Actually... actually, no, they are cursed, and you don't want the curse, so no, give 'em to me!!!   Theran uses a "Spooky Action at a Distance" spell while Marvin is distracted to yeet a diamond into the bushes.   Kesmet: ...I don't care if they're cursed or not, let's just get out of here. 'cause that's really weird.   Dazki: Theran! What are you doing?!   Theran: Trying to save one for later in case this is something we need to look into.   Marvin, flustered: Why aren't you giving me my stuff back?! I never take your guys's stuff!   Dazki: Let's see if we can't help Dwardazik out with all of his manacles? Probably just leave them all in a pile here and maybe fix up his bag for a minute, until we get back to the cart?

Dwardazik has a sewing kit, which he has been trying to use to fix up his pack. Theran helps him out with an "Unbreak the Broken" spell. Marvin is still scrambling around, trying to get the diamonds into a pile, but he's having trouble physically reaching some of them from that same spot where he's still sitting.

Kesmet: Marvin, they're probably fake.   Marvin, snapping back at him: You don't know that!   Kesmet: Well, you don't know that they're real! (He grabs Marvin and starts carrying him under the arm.) Forget the illusory diamonds, they're not real!   Dwardazik, shouting across the way: Woof-woof!   Marvin, looking at the hundred or so diamonds that are on the ground near where he was: But they're right there!!!