I know this will sound ridiculous, but what isn't around here? Investigations has sent in a report on mysterious disappearing letters around the world— all with one connecting thread: they're addressed to one Santa Claus. Whatever freakish nightmare is causing this, we're going to catch it before it uses said letters to turn the world into a giant cookie or turn us all into snowmen— whatever clearly terrible plan it must have. We have no other leads beyond the letters— so, we're asking all personnel available to do one simple thing: write a letter to Santa. You'll need to take it seriously, we tried to send in a photo of a certain finger and it was returned in ashes.
Genuinely ask for a gift— and this thing should take your letter to whatever cave it lives in. We'll be attaching a tracker to each letter so that we can find the anomaly responsible, and deal with it faster than you can say "bah humbug." No one get mind controlled this time, you hear? We can't afford that kind of insurance.
— Bin Folks, Administrator
Santa is an anomaly? Oh no! D:
Whatever's out there, we'll find it.