Who Am I, Really?
I'm not always a positive person. I'm never quite sure if wearing my heart on my sleeve is a such a good thing, but I don't know how else to be. It's my hope that this won't be a negative to this blog, but there are days when I simply feel beaten. You CAN relate to this, can't you? We feel tired and we might not know where to turn?? Yeah, today is one of those days for me. A very low day for me--lower than I have felt in a great while. Life is filled with such marvels and miracles and blessings. At the same time, the older I get the less confident I feel. To look at my family and always wishing I was more for them. To do more, to reach out and affect the world more... at least more than through this blog, or writing books and crafting games. To find people hurting and grasp them by the hand, to smile at them and whisper that even though today is hard, there will be a tomorrow. To tell those suffering to hold on. It probably sounds crazy--talk like this, but helping others always gives me strength to deal with my own mountains. Honestly, I'm not sure why these moments hit so hard. I don't know why they return again and again, so I strive to learn from them. To use these moments as opportunities to close my mouth and listen. What does my heart say? What does that soft, inner voice of love and peace whisper to me? It says that I am blessed. Married to a beautiful soul of a woman who loves me. Truly loves me. That I have the kind of relationship that continues to grow and blossom over time. That with each day, the sun not on rises and shines upon my life, it reveals another aspect of my marriage to glory in. To marvel at. To appreciate, treasure and celebrate. I hope you are loved by someone like Kathilynn loves me. Life isn't perfect, I know that. The hard part is, we all have hopes and expectations that are important to us. When we strive to accomplish something important to us and it doesn't come to fruition--at least not in the way we hoped--we tend to lose that hope, even if it's just a portion. We begin to question what we are striving for and it can quickly turn to self-doubt. If we're not careful, we start to question the very foundation we stand on and important aspects of our lives become unstable. But you know what? It's during these times in our lives that we are being tested. That's what I believe. Tested by the powers that be, to give us an opportunity to rise above our present conditions to become something more. To reflect inward and push upward, to break these chins of doubt--the lies that darkness and a decaying society say are "the norm." But it's not the norm, it's a lie. The norm is our natural desire to love and be loved. To help one another. To care. The norm is to think of others as well as ourselves and to improve upon everything we touch. This is what I believe. You may not believe in God or be a person of faith, but I wanted to share a song with you that touched my soul today. Kathi found it for me and it immediately refocused my mind on positive aspects of my life. I'm so grateful for that. This is a song that describes the love in my home, in my family and in my soul. It’s a heroes song. Hope you enjoy it.
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