Kwak's Greatest Adventure

Written in Kwak's perspective. So, very dramatic. Do not take this article as a serious bit of worldbuilding (it is canon though)

It was chaos. Truly. Ash concealed the rocks and boulders flying towards me, hurtling from the volcano. Lava seeped down the mountain, reaching for my feet as I danced around the sizzling stones. Screams of the townsfolk rang through the air, interspersed with the sound of crashing waves below the cliffs. This was easily the most precarious situation I had ever been in. If I wasn't going to be crushed by fireballs, I would have been swallowed up by the ocean or smashed into smithereens after falling hundreds of feet.
I couldn't let that happen. And I couldn't let the town be destroyed. Fire flung itself through the air, and every time anything approached the town I would smack it to hell with my hammer. My beloved hammer, oh she's amazing. The most powerful weapon in the world. Or, that's what I tell her. Nothing can smash a boulder like my hammer. Nothing can absolutely decimate a giant tree like my hammer.
I swear, this volcano would not stop. For like two hours I was zipping about, smashing up fireballs with my hammer. The townspeople were still screaming their heads off, which was honestly starting to become annoying. Like, chill out? I'm literally here to save the day, things are going to be fine. Not a single person had been injured and these silly little people were yapping away, non stop. I get it, a volcano eruption is kinda scary. But when I'm there, you shouldn't be scared.
Things quietened down after a couple of hours. Fireballs slowly stopped spitting out, lava was flowing less. I thought to myself, "ugh, finally I can sit down and eat my sandwich". I had this sandwich in my bag that I was looking forward to all day. It was like nine in the morning when I sat down to eat my sandwich when I got the distress call from the town. My triple lettuce, pepper, sunflower seed, mealworm sandwich had to wait.
But then the earthquakes hit. And these weren't little baby tremors that the town is used to. This was a full, daddy earthquake. Split the town in half for goodness sake. Thankfully these people can fly so when the town broke into two and about a hundred people almost fell into the oceans, they picked themselves up and landed on the shore safely. But then the cliff started to shatter, so my hammer and I smashed up some boulders that almost crushed everyone. It just would not stop after that.
The earthquake had stirred up a nest of giant catfish in the ocean. Why there were catfish in the ocean I'm not sure, but it was hardly the time to question it. These catfish were ugly, furry little monsters, with clawed fins and gigantic blade-like whiskers. They crawled onto the sands and almost gobbled up a couple townsfolk. I smashed them in the head with my hammer, scaring them away like the baddie that I am.
The catfish got their revenge by whipping up the biggest tsunami I had ever seen. It came crashing down onto the beach, but not before I herded everybody up onto the top of the cliff. The tsunami smashed into the cliffside, even reaching where we all stood.
That seemed to be the end of things, so everybody headed back to the town. The town, which had split into two and was practically a pile of rubble, was in no fit shape to be lived in. The next two weeks was a desperate scramble to piece together what parts of the town were left, creating temporary homes for those that lost theirs. Once everybody had been situated, a great feast was held in my name.
Apparently saving an entire town (sort of) from a volcano, earthquakes, catfish, and a tsunami warrants a feast. I ate about six times my body weight, gorging myself on high quality mealworms drenched in spritzy water, barrels of succulent lettuce and other yummy leafy foods, and a great deal of delicious home-cooked meals, made specially for me. Honestly, I deserved it. I am just so incredibly amazing, and deserving of a whole feast in my name. Maybe I'll try and get more out of them, next time.