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A Link In the Chain of Sin

Only kill the killers...

The creature looked down at her, smiling ear to ear. She screamed, and it flinched at the sound. She raised an eyebrow as it stumbled backward and nearly fell. It regained balance, and gave her a smile. The grin glistened as it showed the entity's sharpened teeth. It spoke with a whistleing lisp and she found it oddly endearing.
"My name is chorusine," it said, its arms flying out in a wide and welcoming gesture. It leaned in and gave her the most comforting hug. "I will certainly betray you and consume the whispers of your death. It's so nice to meet you."
Simply called "Chains of sin" are a form of eldritch entity summoned by The Scholars of Sin. The cult uses these entities to hunt their enemies, but it always comes with a risk. The chains are intelligent, predatory, and nearly unstoppable. It's inevitable that they will betray the one who summoned them, no matter how friendly they seem at first.   The chains of sin are hunters to a fault. Point them to a target and they will hunt it endlessly until finally making the kill. This is because their lives are dependent on the kill, as the only thing they can feed on is the last breath of victim they kill. Without it they will die and fade Into oblvion. Every one of these entities used to be a member of the cult, ascended through means unknown to all those not of the highest rank in the organization.   That remember adds to the chain, and every member must remember how that chain binds us all. For every kill you demand of the creeper it will keep a tally. They will keep tabs on how righteous these kills are. It may be tempting to eliminate your enemies for past slights, but even the creature would caution against it. For In almost every religion, murder is a sin.

The Chains We Carry

Every member of the called has their own Link in the chain, both literally and figuratively. Each member commands their own entity. These entities act like mentors in many ways, easing in the cultist's understanding of the universe and slowly increasing their Candlelight.   Overtime, the cultist will need to feed the creature with the dying breath of a kill by the entities own hands. You'd be surprised at how few enemies one persin can have. While at the beginning, the cultist may boast a long list of potential recipients of Justice, the excuses they have to justify the kill become increasingly flimsy. Eventually, they will struggle to find someone who has done wrong.   They need to search for the worst humanity has to offer, and through the enactment of justice, the creature will be satiated for another cycle. The creature will be hungry again, however. It is never ending. The creature will, given enough time, catch the cultist without a suitable kill.


Should the cultists be unable to provide a kill, their lives are forfeit. This is the nature of their contract. there are ways of postponing this inevitable outcome. Their god is harsh, brooding, and cold, but not without understanding. A cultists may need to offer up an innocent to save themselves. This is a sin, the greatest sin, and if they wish to keep their life, they must repent.   The Scholars of Sin routinely enhance in flaggelation as penance for unclean deaths. This is not a permanent solution. Eventually, the cultists start to resentment the pain. They won't feel as bad as they should, and that's when the entity turns on them.   The entity will consume them, transform them into something like itself. They serve Their god for eternity, a living embodiment of their failures. They ascend, but they do so in disgrace. Despite their warnings, their ranks will grow. Such is the cycle of sin.

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Cover image: by Manuel Sardo


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19 Jul, 2020 15:30

Very interesting writing. I particularly liked the idea that they feed on the dying breath of their victim, thus making their kills more impactful and urgent. That said, a few nitpicks if you're looking for criticism:   The first paragraph suffers a jarring perspective shift where it seems to be an article detailing something but then, near the end, employs use of 'You' and 'Your'. From my personal perspective, either this should be prevalent from the beginning to set the tonal expectations, or continue with the use of 'The' to make the point, I.E. 'It may be tempting to eliminate your enemies for past slights, but even the creature would caution against it. For In almost every religion, murder is a sin.' to 'While tempting to eliminate enemies based on past slights, even these creatures err to the side of caution against such frivolities, for in almost every religion, murder is a sin'.   Also the first sentence in paragraph three starts with: 'That remember adds to the chain'. It's a bit confusing of a start and in the last paragraph you've capitalized 'In' in 'For In almost every religion, murder is a sin.' I'm not sure it should be capitalized.   Also in the 'Chains we carry' subsection, paragraph two, there's a misspelling of person.   Lastly a picture or two would only add to the article, particularly about their appearance. Even if unable to find an exact picture of their appearance, some creepy representation such as gleaming eyes from the dark, or a set of blood spattered teeth would only add.   Otherwise a very compelling and interesting concept, and has surely inspired my own creativity. Very well done.

R. Dylon Elder
19 Jul, 2020 15:56

Thank you for the critique! It's much appreciated. Ill work on the edit once summer camp is over. these articles are mostly jumping off points. The shift is really common in my articles and I've been trying to keep it contained.   As far as images go, ill be working on that more in the future. I have to be careful about what images I use in this world. I'm thinking of making some photobashes or commissions. We will seem thanks so much man.

20 Jul, 2020 06:40

"Simply called "Chains of sin" are a form of eldritch entity summoned by The Scholars of Sin." I'm not sure this is a complete sentence.   "A cultists may need to offer up an innocent..." no need for pluralization here   "The Scholars of Sin routinely enhance in flaggelation... " do you mean engage? also, according to my computer flagellation is spelled wrong.   "Eventually, the cultists start to resentment the pain." you mean resent?   "a kill by the entities own hands." needs an apostrophe I think.   "how few enemies one persin can have." misspelled person   "they will harbor a brute against the one who removes them." you mean, a grudge?   So, the moral of the story is to never summon entities from the abyss. got it.   If a person kills themselves before they can be 'consumed', have they escaped, or will the entity just 'consume' their body and turn them anyway? Is 'consumed' literal or metaphorical?   How hard is it to kill one of these? Approximately how many bullets do I need to unload into it to make sure I don't die? While you're at it, How does this thing kill it's victims? I'm... uh... asking for a friend.

20 Jul, 2020 13:53

You made me feel bad for these guys, in that they befriend their summoner and do their best to motivate them to keep going so they don't have to kill them instead. Which is a weird thought to be having about a creature like this, for sure.   Really interesting. It definitely raises the moral quandary of 'who deserves to die?'

Emy x   Etrea | Vazdimet
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