How to Woo a Yashelin

All Yashelin were raised within the confines of the Aravun Yashelin culture. Even if a Yashelin identifies with another cultural group today, they are inevitably going to be influenced by the place they grew up and lived in for the vast majority of their lives whether they like it or not. Therefore, it is wise to understand and follow the courtship rituals and societal norms of the Yashelin's homeland before a person attempts to befriend or pursue a romantic relationship with one of them.
The following information on Aravun Yashelin courtship practices that are outlined below may be useful in the pursuit of wooing the Yashelin of your dreams. It may also help you recognize whether or not they reciprocate your interest in kind. Be mindful, however, that there is no one size fits all solution to any relationship, whether platonic, romantic, or otherwise defined. Communication is key!

Before We Begin: A Word of Caution to Suitors

Caution #1: Mandatory Publicity

The first through third stages of Aravun Yashelin courtship are inherently public. Gestures must be performed in front of an audience of peers. Private relationships are not socially or legally recognized or protected, no matter how valuable the relationship may feel for the private parties.
Yashelin are instinctually communal creatures. These public declarations of interest are deeply ingrained in a Yashelins' instincts, not only their cultural heritage. If a Yashelin person refuses to reciprocate a gesture of affection in public, but is willing to reciprocate the gesture in private, it is worth having a conversation about your expectations for your relationship. Otherwise, your relationship may end in unnecessary heartache.

Caution #2: Understand the Risk of Violating Societal Expectations

Below you will find a section dedicated to Aravun Yashelin societal norms and expectations regarding courtship, which especially focuses on who makes a suitable partner. If you're pursuing a one-night stand, this likely doesn't matter all that much. If a person wishes to engage a Yashelin person in an amorous manner with the intent of pursuing a long-term romantic relationship, it is essential that they familiarize themselves with it just in case.
This warning is especially relevant for non-Yashelin seeking a long-term interspecies relationship. Even if the Yashelin is Kivrian Yashelin and thus likely more open to these sorts of relationships, please familiarize yourself with the potential risks before you make any hasty decisions.

Stages of Courtship

The stages of courtship as they are presented below are biased towards romantic courtships. In Aravun Yashelin society, platonic courtships are even more common than romantic ones. Platonic relationships often settle at stage two of the courtship chart, but may advance further just like their romantic compatriots. The distinction between a romantic courtship and a platonic courtship is most evident in the third stage, when courtship takes a private turn.

Stage 1: the First Step

The first step of a traditional Aravun Yashelin courtship may seem jarringly forward to outsiders. When a Yashelin person is interested in another person, they are expected to perform a personalized, ostentatious gesture of affection towards the other person in a public setting.
These gestures of affection are expected to be platonic in nature. The exact details of the gesture vary from situation to situation, since each person in different. Some gestures are verbal. For example, someone might invite another person to attend an event with them. Physical gestures are also plausible, such as a hug. Gifts are also common, but it is important to keep the gift small.
Regardless of the gesture's nature, there is one very important rule: reciprocation of the gesture is vital to completeing this step. If the target of your affection rebuffs your gesture in some way, such as rejecting a gift, that is the end of the courtship.

During a board game, Areta grabs Uri's hand in the middle of a move. It playfully stops aer next move, but also... Uri and Areta's relationship started here. Areta refused to let it go unless Uri forfeited the game or went to a festival with ver.

Stage 2: Experimental Stage

The second stage of Aravun Yashelin courtship is commonly called the Experimental Stage. The couple, or triad if relevant, spends time with their love interests in public places regularly.
During this stage, the courting pair are expected to spend the majority of their time together in a group setting, rather than spending time together one-on-one. Instead of spending time alone together over the course of a private dinner, for example, they are expected to host a dinner party. No one will usually mind if they spend the rest of the night together alone afterwards, however, since they had already done their public duty as a pair.
The experimental stage is regarded more as a stage of friendship than one of romance. Therefore, this stage can last for as little as a year or continue indefinitely according to the whims of the individuals in question. Most relationships happily remain at this stage.

Stage 3: Full Romantic Courtship

Love interests end the Experimental Stage via yet another public gesture. For a romantic courtship, this gesture is expected to be even grander than the first one. This marks the beginning of a truly personalized, romantic courtship between the partners on a private level. During this time, the love interests begin to engage more and more in private outings, or at least it becomes more socially expected of them.
The first two stages are considered rather platonic, but if someone is already at this stage with a partner, "cheating" becomes possible if they cross that line with another person without their first partner's consent. Partners are usually expected to consent, since the Yashelin norm is polyamory, but if it wasn't a conversation beforehand - or worse, a surprise - that is highly condemned.

Stage 3: Full Platonic Courtship

Many platonic courtships comfortably end at the second stage. The third stage of a platonic courtship between Yashelin usually entails a deep friendship.

Stage 4: Hearthmates

The second to last stage of a formal Yashelin relationship is referred to as 'hearthmates.' This stage is marked and only achievable by a melding of the couple's private lives. The phrase hearthmate refers to the fact that the pair share a home, of which the hearth is traditionally placed at the heart. You may consider yourselves hearthmates at any point privately, but the public - and thus the law - likely will not treat you as such until at least 1,000 years or more of cohabitation has passed.

Stage 5: Spiritmates

Only after all of the above steps have been achieved may a Yashelin pair become Spiritmates, meaning that they have spiritually mixed with one another. It is the ultimate and irreversible sign of love and trust, because from that point forward, they will always be spiritually intertwined with one another. This stage is not for the faint of heart or the hesitant. Most Yashelin pairs are content to remain hearthmates and they never cross this spiritual line between each other.

Norms in Relationships

Norm #1: Polyamory

The majority of Yashelin observe polyamory. Traids are the most common relationship dynamic amongst them. In fact, a relationship between Yashelin individuals is not considered "complete" until they have at least formed a triad. Socially speaking, a couple is seen as an incomplete set and they may encounter potential suitors.
The only exception to this rule are Spiritmates. Spiritmates are respected as a pair and, even if they are in a triad, there is little to no pressure for the third person to engage in that step as well, though many eventually do join their other lovers.

Norm #2: Public Relationships

Relationships are expected to develop in public rather than in private. Every stage of traditional courtship is defined in great part by the public's perception of the love interests. This is also reflected in how they are treated socially and legally by their society.
For example, if the public views them as hearthmates, they are automatically treated as such. This has surprised more than a few couples, who hadn't realized they'd taken the next step until someone treats them like it.

Norm #3: Slow and Steady

Relationships are expected to progress over long periods of time. Legally speaking, people cannot be considered Hearthmates without living together for over 1,000 years. This system is designed with the near-immortality of the Yashelin in mind. It is also designed to protect young Yashelin from the potential legal and/or social ramificiations of ending a relationship that burned bright but ended quickly, as well.

Norm #4: Species in Common

Aravun Yashelin culture purely contains Yashelin individuals. Whether a Yashelin is Tikiran or Idin is irrelevant, but may be subject to concern because of a gap in age or power (see below). There are no other socially acceptable options.

Two Glaciers in Love

Seri grabs its hair to keep it close and jokes, rather loudly for the benefit of bystanders, “We could spirit mix. Really stick it to her. How about it?”
Ezeki laughs, then sighs, “Maybe one day I’ll help you in your rainbow pursuits, but not today.”
“Worth a shot,” Seri shrugs affably, releasing it.
Ezeki goes on its way, and then turns around. It returns to their desk, practically sitting in their chair with them.
Seri trills idly.
Ezeki nuzzles their temple.
They smile lopsidedly in response, and ask, “What’s the matter this time, sap?”
“Not maybe,” Ezeki murmurs in their ear. “I didn’t mean to say maybe. We will.”
“Ezeki, I’m not going anywhere,” Seri whispers. “We can take as long as we please.”
Ezekiel hides its hesitation with a cheek kiss, before it begins to explain itself: “I made it sound like there was reason to doubt. We swore to give space, and time, to Nana. I want you to know that you are the one I swear forever to and I... I expect it from you, as well.”
“I do know.” Seri squeezes Ezeki's hand. “I love you, too. Forever, and I appreciate us saying so out loud, but listen: we only move fast for the young. But between us? We’re two glaciers in love. Relax, my love. Relax.”

Norm #5: Social Status/Age in Common

Although it is normal for Yashelin people to form relationships with a similar social status, it is not a social rule in the same way as many of the options presented here. For the most part, a Yashelin's place along the social hierarchy does not determine a relationship. Rather, their age determines it. Most Yashelin folks form their core relationships earlier in life and abstain from courting later on.
The Yashelin are a near-immortal species. The Ida continues to slowly create new Yashelin, sometimes only one or two per thousand years. Power and age gaps which would boggle the minds of species with shorter lifespans are common and accepted. For the most part, both partners should be over 10,000 years old, the threshold for mature adulthood in Yashelin culture.

Aberrations in Relationships

Aberration #1: Monogamy

The majority of Yashelin people do not observe monogamy. On average, monogamous relationships are viewed as a bit odd but not concerning unless one or the other partner displays excessive amounts of possessiveness and/or jealousy. These two traits are regarded as vices in Aravun Yashelin culture when applied to objects.
When applied to people, jealousy and possessiveness are regarded as borderline abusive behaviors in any relationship, platonic or otherwise. Monogamous couples are more frequently subject to concerned busybodies than most other types of relationships.

Aberration #2: Private Relationships

Private relationships are not socially or legally recognized in Aravun Yashelin society. If a relationship develops in a private rather than in a public setting, it may as well not exist at all. If it occurred behind closed doors, it may as well have never happened.
People who attempt to move their relationship from the private to public sphere, rather than the other way around, often face initial disapproval along the similar lines as those who "skip the line" (see below). Relationships which are revealed to the public against their wills are also often the subject of invasive scrutiny by others with little to no sympathy for their desire for privacy.

Aberration #3: Skipping the Line

Sometimes, people don't want to move at a glacial pace. Sometimes, people want to spiritually mix with their partner now, not over 1,000 years of public scrutiny from now! Besides, what if one of the partners in the relationship is from a species with a shorter life span? Why shouldn't a person initiate the first step with a kiss, if they had a relationship in private that they're making public?
Fair enough, perhaps. The societal reaction to skipping the line depends upon the relationship type and the scenario. What is done is done, after all. If a private relationship turns public with a kiss, that is mostly fine but runs the risk of upsetting friends. If it starts with a spiritual mix, that will raise alarm. If one partner is from a different species, the relationship isn't legally recognized at all to begin with, and then you've run into the societal taboo of interspecies relationships (see below).

Aberration #4: Interspecies Relationships

Interspecies relationships are expressly forbidden. Those Yashelin that choose to publicly pursue such relationships are regarded warily by many because of the actively hostile few. They may expect to become socially excluded as a result of their choice in partner, even if they are alone at the time. They may also experience harassment. Although now rare and highly illegal, they may experience acts of violence.
This societal taboo did not always exist in its current state. While interspecies relationships were seen as an oddity, they were not the subject of disgust and even violence until the Astris Genocide.

Aberration #5: Gaps in Age

• No Yashelin over the age of 1,500 shall court a Yashelin under 1,000 years old because those under 1,000 years old are regarded as children in Aravun Yashelin society.
• Courtships between Yashelin over 1,000 years old and under 10,000 years old are acceptable and encouraged.
• A courtship between one partner under the age of 10,000 years old and another over that limit shall not progress further than stage 2 until both parties exceed 10,000 years old.

Every other scenario is treated on a case-by-case basis, since no two relationships are the same. If the gap in age or social status is large enough, it may warrant intervention by friends, family, and in the most severe cases, the Ravir to monitor the couple and ensure the health of their relationship.
Before relationships with non-Yashelin individuals was forbidden, the Yashelin defined the minimum age for a non-Yashelin partner as over the age of 30 years old.