Ducks and How to Make Them Pay
Heyir and Chamu sink to the ground in exhaustion. "How can a few ducks make so many babies?" Beyond words, Heyir shakes their head. "There's no way we can trap them all, Hey! They broke our nets! ...My pond...!" "Let's call Areta," Heyir says with a sigh, patting Chamu's sopping wet shoulder. "Ve's the expert on Kivrian stuff. Ve will know how to make them pay." "Make them... pay?"
How to Make Them Pay
"So, um, Areta, do you know what Heyir meant by making them pay?" "Sure do!" Areta chirps with undue confidence. "Don't worry, Chamu, we'll make these ducks pay for years to come."In order to make ducks pay, it is necessary to pay close attention to their physical and social needs, such as providing them with:
Clean Water
Nutritious Food
Safe Shelter
Companionship
Should you achieve all of the above prerequisites, you now have the right to ask for payment in kind from your now contained but still invasive ducks.
Duck Currency
"Chamu!" Heyir calls. "Get your ass out here!" "Heyir?! Are you ok?!" Chamu rushes out from their house, running. "Why do you still have ducks?! I thought Areta helped you get rid of them all!" "Uh." Chamu freezes. "They're supposed to be back on Kivria, not in your ponds still!" "I, uh..." Chamu backs slowly towards their front door. "Oh, no you don't! Get out here and explain yourself!" "They've grown on me, ok?! And it's not like they can escape now!" "You've got to be kidding me... Chamu, after all we've been through? The laws we've passed to protect our waterways?" Chamu crosses their arms anxiously, and tries in a desperate bid for their avian companions: "But they taste good...?" Heyir narrows their eyes at them. "Prove it, then. Prove it and I'll pretend this is above water." To Heyir's credit, they don't gag immediately when Chamu cracks open an egg and cooks it. Only when they start eating it.
Meat & Eggs
Companionship & Shenanigans
Like a Duck to Water by Maran
In ripples gentle, I find my heart's delight,
It is water! Pure and bright.
Enchanted, before the water I preen,
Then with feathers sleek, I glide upon its sheen. Beneath the sky's expanse, so vast and blue,
I waddle, quack, and paddle, feeling true,
My spirit takes flight upon each wave,
A gift of joy and freedom, water gave. Oh, water's touch, a tender, cool embrace,
Reflecting the skies above upon its face,
In ponds and lakes, in rivers flowing free,
I find sweet love, even in the sea. With every ripple's kiss, a tale unfolds,
Of a playful love, yet still of depth untold,
From dawn's first light to twilight's soft embrace,
I'll linger by the water's edge, forget my purpose and find my place. I'm bound to you, dear water, evermore,
I will love you during every storm and downpour,
For love's own whirlpool pull me close to thee,
My heart forever bound, yet in your current I am free.
Notable Duck Breeds
Red-Faced Racer Duck
Eggs: 4/5
Companionship: 5/5
Shenanigans: 5/5
Red-Faced Racer Ducks are a breed of duck found only on the planet of Aravu. They are named for their red colored feathers, which primarily concentrates on their faces, and their propensity to race each other at full speed back and forth between Chamu's two ponds every day. Over the years, this spunky breed has adjusted to a cushy life on Chamu's lawn, growing much larger than their Kivrian ancestors at around 25 pounds on average per bird. Despite their weight, they're just as fast and rambunctious as normal ducks. They lay approximately 250 eggs per year per duck. Their meat is apparently delicious, but Chamu only butchers one if the flock grows too large for the ponds. Should these large ducks ever escape from Chamu's enclosure, no one is exactly sure of the impact they would have on the local environment, but if a case study of two ponds, a small garden, and a grassy yard are to be believed, these creatures might accidentally decimate the populations of local animals that depend on the same bugs they eat to survive. As it stands, no duck has ever escaped Duck Fort Knox, and they continue to live happily within these confines.
"C'mon, Zad. I know it's not great, but at least he's not all alone in the Green Canyon at night anymore." "C'mon, Heyir, you can't be serious," Zadoki retorts. "If Chamu wants a pet, they should get a dragon like a normal person!"
Black Sand Ducks
Eggs: 5/5
Companionship: 3/5
Shenanigans: 5/5
The Black Sand Duck is a species of waterfowl that is native to the black sands and sparkling white waters of the Bes Island Chain and its host ocean. These curious creatures mainly feast on bugs and small fish, but they are opportunistic eaters at heart. Their prowess in breaking into trash cans is the only cute reason why the nation of Bes has the most regulated and robust garbage disposal systems in the world. Although Black Sand Ducks were considered wild in the past, the people of Bes have accepted that these friendly and overly intelligent birds have changed their minds in favor of the warm nests and delicious snacks that most of the residents are either happy to provide or are too superstitious to do anything but protect them.
Orange Sherbert (Meridian) Duck
Eggs: 2/5
Companionship: 2/5
Shenanigans: 5/5
Meridian ducks are a breed of migratory duck which flourish in the marshlands surrounding the city of Oseka in the winter and in the lakes further inland during the summer. The name Meridian Ducks hails from their reputation as the number one pests of the Meridian Academy campus (and the rest of the city), where they regularly harass and chase everyone around for their food only slightly less frightfully and less aggressively than a goose or a seagull.
Lover's Duck
Eggs: 1/5
Companionship: 5/5
Shenanigans: 5/5
Lover's Ducks are a miniature breed of duck believed to originate from the crossing the rarest duck breed, a Bamansano White Duck, with a common Meridian Duck. They are regarded as the cats of the Anatidae family due to their friendly demeanor... and awareness of their own majesty. The jury is out on whether they domesticated themselves, as well, but nowadays, they couldn't be further from their wild ancestors: they can't fly and they only lay around 50 eggs per year! They are kept as pond ornaments by the wealthy and as pets by comfortably middle class folk. No one is quite sure where the name Lover's Duck came from.
Uri takes a deep breath, or tries to given the pathetic atmosphere of Kivria. "You wanted to show me something, Aret?" Uri asks Areta, cutting off ver veritable tidal wave of information about the local plantlife of Bantow, impatient already to leave. Areta blushes a bright scarlet. Ver green and gold wings shyly raise to hide ver face, but Uri lowers one back down via the weight of aer own white and gold feathered ones. "Stop it!" "Only if you promise to show me right now, love."
Global Background: Kyle Johnson
Global Cover: AsterVela
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What does Duck Dodgers of the 24th and a half century have to say about this?
I've never watched the show! Somehow I missed it, even though I would've loved it as a kid... Now I want to watch it so I can know. What /does/ Duck Dodgers of the 24th and a half century have to say?