Rodney Carlwick

Position: Janitor

Headquarters: Jack Pine Tower

Company Seniority: Extensive

Rodney Carlwick was recruited into the W.I.L.L.O.W.I.S.P. organization on March 30, 1968. Since then, he has held several positions within the organization. He currently works as a Janitor at Jack Pine Tower.

Being a Janitor at W.I.L.L.O.W.I.S.P. is probably the best job in the world. But so was being a spy at W.I.L.L.O.W.I.S.P.. And a chef. And a Base Op. So, maybe, W.I.L.L.O.W.I.S.P. is just the best place in the world to work. But I did enjoy working at that gas station and the television repair shop before I was hired as an agent. Maybe that just says something about my own work ethic.

-Rodney Carlwick

Since recruitment, Carlwick has shown immense talent in every area, though many believe he is somewhat of a questionable character. Not many specifically significant or incriminating events have been documented in available databases to reflect misbehavior, but his continuous job-hopping within the organization leads some to think that he was removed from certain positions for unsavory reasons. These speculations have not been confirmed or denied by the company.

Oh! My Janitor friend! Yeah. His name is Rodney and he's really cool. He's like this older dude with whiteish-grey hair, and he seems unsuspecting, but I can tell he's got some epic talent. He let me know about a time when he was hired to go to Italy and uncover a big smuggling ring. He said that he still couldn't reveal all the details because some of it remains confidential to this day, but he and his partner were in Sicily. W.I.L.L.O.W.I.S.P. had informed them that they received a tip about one of the leatherworking shops there being a cover-up for a nightclub, which was a cover-up for some kinda mafia headquarters or something...

-Stewart Princely

It has also been recorded in available records that Carlwick has had a plethora of partners and even Computerized Alert Relay Systems over the years. What has since happened to them all is not always specified, and the reasoning behind the agent being reassigned from one to the other has often been redacted.

What I'm saying, though, is that it’s definitely smooth sailing as a Janitor here at W.I.L.L.O.W.I.S.P. because there’s hardly much to clean most days at all. These people pick up after themselves already. They keep everything all tidy. I just go through and disinfect, sweep up, vacuum, and make it look like I’m doing something for the cameras. But the best part of this job is the people. I like to talk to the people. Especially those Interns. I tell them wild stories and watch closely at their face for a reaction. Some of them don’t believe my stories. A few of them do...

-Rodney Carlwick

As a Janitor, a few W.I.L.L.O.W.I.S.P. operatives have put in complaints about Carlwick lingering around areas that already appear to be cleaned. Some believe he is slacking on the job or attempting to eavesdrop on their conversations. Others claim that he is spying on their work and feel uncomfortable drafting confidential documents and other private matters while he is peering at their screens or 'attempting to clean it'.

Rodney and his partner were going around trying to find out which one, but I guess there were too many secret bars and they had a little bit too much fun enjoying the scene. Thanks to that, his partner was hungover the next day. But Rodney didn't let that stop him. He wanted to complete their mission as quickly as possible to get the bonus reward from the agency, so he decided to go alone to one of the spots they had identified and were almost certain was the place.
The people recognized Rodney and were glad to see him again. They didn't suspect a thing, but he had a hunch that everything was happening in the basement of the basement. You see, the leatherworking place was on the ground level, but the nightclub was in the basement, and then the wine cellar was in that basement's basement. So, he, like, snuck away while nobody was paying attention and found his way into the place where they kept all the wine. He said he could tell he was correct about his theory because something didn't smell right. The wine cellar was supposed to smell like wine, but it didn't smell enough like wine. It smelled like there was a lot of wine missing, so he went up to one of the bottles.

-Stewart Princely

As it stands, the majority of Carlwick's past partners and CARs are not stationed at Jack Pine Tower. In the past, Carlwick was stationed at other headquarters around the world. But even during the times when it was recorded that Carlwick was stationed at Jack Pine Tower, the partners and Computerized Alert Relay Systems assigned to him then are not immediately traceable. It is thought that many have since been relocated or were lost.

So, I like to tell stories. What else is good about being a Janitor? OH! There are the agents who leave their computers unlocked when they get up from their desks, or make their passwords ‘1234’. So I go through and hack ‘em just for fun. Prank the suckers. Turn a funny meme video on blast so when they come back, all their co-workers get a laugh and they get embarrassed. That’ll learn ‘em. It’s not exactly in my job description, but the company knows about it and they don’t care. They even encourage it.
Ever since I started doing it on my own, I’ve started getting emails here and there with little missions to try. I even go through file cabinets that aren’t locked properly and plant meme files. It’s funny to stick around and see how the agents react when they discover something’s wrong. Once, I printed out the lyrics to that song…you know the one, and so do I. I took the lyrics to what I'm thinking of and tucked them into the file cabinet under a category I knew they were supposed to check the next day. Do you know they didn’t find it until two months later!? Just goes to show how some agents around here slack off on work. Never gonna find me out, either, I don’t think. Most of ‘em probably think it’s those Interns playing pranks.

-Rodney Carlwick

In addition to Janitorial duties, Carlwick has been assigned to further undercover missions around Jack Pine Tower that primarily consist of quality control and supervising other operatives. Many W.I.L.L.O.W.I.S.P. employees often take on multiple positions to help be eyes and ears of the company to ensure that all protocols and rules are being followed, and that everything remains orderly.

Just then, fifteen guys with big guns and huge muscles and fedoras and suits rushed in. They all started attacking Rodney at once! He thought in his head that he shouldn't use a gun or everyone would hear and know something was going on, so he started taking out the guys with his fists!
WHAM! POW! BANG!
They were flying everywhere, getting knocked out one after the other, until there were only two left. Rodney had one of them by the collar and was about to knock him out with a powerful punch, but then the other guy grabbed one of the wine bottles from the shelf and threw it straight at him! Thankfully, he ducked, but the bottle shattered against the wall and water spilled out. He could tell it was water, even though it was pitch black in the dark cellar, because it smelled like water in the air and not wine. Rodney then swung the guy he was holding by the collar and threw him at the other guy, and they both got knocked out instantly. Then, he went over to the broken bottle. That's when he realized it really had been full of water, just as he suspected. And, not only water, but DIAMONDS!

-Stewart Princely

Many of Carlwick's mission reports are locked or altogether cannot be found within the available databases, thus drawing many emails from curious operatives (namely Interns) who are disappointed they cannot fact-check his stories.

This one Intern…he asks way too many questions. But it’s really nice to reminisce with him. Sometimes, he gives my memory a run for its money! But I can let my imagination fill in the gaps and everything still ends up fine and dandy. He takes every word I say as truth, no matter how outlandish it is. Sometimes I feel sorry for him, but what’s the harm? Just a tiny stretched truth and a little white lie here or there to make a kiddo’s day is the least of our problems in this world.

-Rodney Carlwick

Though some question the details of his past, many find Carlwick to be a friendly face who does his current job well and doesn't mind making small talk. They often put little thought into the matter, other than the fact that he is simply a Janitor at W.I.L.L.O.W.I.S.P. who cleans up as he has been assigned to, clocks out, goes home, and returns again in the morning.

He checked the other bottles and quickly found that they were stuffed full of money, jewels, gold, drugs, and all sorts of stuff. He made note that all the labels indicated these 'wines' were from the same vineyard, so he knew that there was yet another layer to the whole scheme. The next morning, he and his partner reported back to WILLOWISP with their findings and the company sent a tactical team to take care of the fake vinyard that was smuggling illegal goods to the criminal headquarters that was disguised as a nightclub that was disguised as a leatherworking shop.
Pretty cool, huh?

-Stewart Princely

For some reason, it is not exactly apparent when Carlwick began Janitorial duties at Jack Pine Tower, but many remember him being there for years. Though he has switched positions multiple times in the past, it seems that being a Janitor is what he is currently known for. It seems he has no intention of taking any other positions.

So I’m just an old man who likes to tell stories and play pranks. But there are other things I like about being a Janitor, too. Like the times when I overhear Commander giving agents their mission briefs. I see those agents heading to his office, wait about three minutes, and then casually decide to stroll in and take out the trash or dust his award shelf at the perfect moment. Don’t mind the elderly Janitor. Sometimes, I even play into that hard-of-hearing bit.
‘Oh? What did you say? I missed a spot? Thanks, small fry!’
All the while, my brain is keeping tabs on their conversations along with Commander’s instructions. What I do with that information is all up to me. I might look into the case later just for fun. I might try to solve it in my head. I might take a peek into the database just like the good old days. But if it all becomes too much, I just pick up my broom again and start whistling and sweeping. Until that kid comes back. Then, I can tell him about the time I single-handedly saved the Statue of Liberty from being obliterated by a rogue rocket launcher from space.

-Rodney Carlwick

Commander McCox gives newbies the rundown:
Rodney Carlwick is an older gentleman now, but he's worked at the organization for several years. He's held a plethora of positions. He's had a few partners. He's even owned a few CARs. He claims to be aware of how to work top-secret weaponry and devices. He knows a lot of the ins and outs of the company, and he's even suspected of being a Higher-Up. Who can say?
But I doubt that, to be honest. He's just a regular Human, Janitor you know? Sometimes, he'll come into my office and I'll try to talk to him, but he's a little hard of hearing. And some of those stories he tells...they're worse than mine. People say I go on tangents. Wait 'til you hear what Carlwick has to say. He talks about everything from saving Mount Rushmore from being destroyed by supercharged bombs to relocating a lost penguin from the North Pole back to Antarctica where it belongs. That doesn't even sound like something W.I.L.L.O.W.I.S.P. would have him do, but okay. You should hear some of the stories Princely tells me. They can get WILD. I don't know if he should believe everything that guy tells him.
I do remember a time when Carlwick wasn't a Janitor, but that was long, long ago. Wait. Now that makes it sound like I'm old. And I'm not. Especially not as old as Carlwick. I can guarantee that. Carlwick's probably like....old old? I'm just a little mature, you know?