The Raunchy Brawl is the preeminent professional wrestling event in Eden, produced annually since 8888 CE by the YWF—the world’s largest and most popular professional wrestling promotion. Highlighted by the Raunchy Brawl match itself, the event is held every June as an unofficial kickoff to the Edenian summer.
Since the construction of the Edenian Colosseum—a perfect replica of the Earthling landmark in its prime—the Raunchy Brawl has been held inside the impressive oval of that incredible ampitheater.
The popularity of the Yeti Wrestling Federation waxed and waned over the first 8000ish years of Eden’s existence, which was understandable when you consider that the yeti themselves disappeared each time reality outside of Eden was rebooted into its next iteration. Yes, the promotion continued to tour the land—from Oz in the west to The Reek in the east, but the halflings—Eden’s only permanent residents—missed the antics of their sweaty, hairy friends and attendance was lackluster.
During the Wander Years between the six-hundred and sixty-seventh and six-hundred and sixty-eighth Interregnums, however, the Quadling president of the YWF came up with an idea. “What if,” the naughty halfling suggested, “we made the whole endeavor a bit spicier?”
And thus, the Raunchy Brawl was born.
The Main Event
While the undercard of each Raunchy Brawl features more traditional wrestling matches, the main event is another matter entirely. A tournament of sorts, it involves five wrestling rings, every performer on the company’s roster at the time, and special guest competitors from outside of the wrestling world altogether. The prize for the winner is the Undisputed Interspecies Championship Belt.
The five rings are arranged as an X in the center of the arena, with one ring at the center and the other four rings connected to the center ring at its corners. At the beginning of the event, the center ring is empty except for the reigning Interspecies Champion. In each of the four rings at the corners, a traditional wrestling contest between two individuals begins. The winners of the bouts at the corners are then invited to step into the center ring for an altogether different kind of competition.
Whereas the battles at the corners are all about war, so to speak, the competition in the center ring is all about love. Instead of fighting each other, as they did to get to the center ring, the combatants now make out with each other instead. And the last person standing—the one person who can delay their own personal satisfaction longer than everyone else—is declared the winner.
Since the second annual Raunchy Brawl, when the now standard X-formation replaced the plus-sign formation used during the first event, winning has been made even harder. “How?” you ask. Well, nowadays, each time one of the bouts at the corners ends, another begins. They just keep on having matches and keep on sending winners to the center ring, until every member of the YWF roster—and every special guest who’s been invited to compete—has had a chance to fight. This means that the center ring can get quite crowded these days, and quite raunchy indeed.
The Kit Klassic
For his swan-song before retirement, Raunchy Brawl creator and then YWF president Kit “Grey” Summers booked a truly magnificent event for Raunchy Brawl 8911. In the end, the final four competitors in the center ring were a quartet of costumed adventurers he’d brought in from Kirbyville to sort out their sorded “love square” once and for all—and in front of thousands of screaming fans in the Colosseum, and millions streaming the event live over the EdenNet.
Ginger Girl and Slim One-Eye, recently divorced, occupied two of the four corners that day. Standing opposite them at the other corners were, respectively, Slim’s former lover the White Monarch and Ginger Girl’s paramour Bub Badger—a.k.a. The Lone Wolf. And the mess they made of the squared circle that day? It was the stuff of legend—so much so that it is still referred to, to this day, as the Kit Classic.
The title of this article was inspired by a chat between Janet and Caeora on the March 19, 2022 World Anvil stream. Special thanks to both of them.
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