Roway: The Crowned Jester
Roway Freewings is the Crowned Jester of Lokoter [LO-ko-ter] and the sole surviving qhirat [KEE-raht] in existence. A prolific songwriter with a biting sense of humor and a penchant for social commentary, Roway has made a name for herself in every iteration of reality she’s appeared in.
Back in the day—like way, way back—Roway was the mortal lover of the goddess Mira. But when fickle Mira ended that affair and broke poor Roway’s heart, the jester sought revenge by unsticking herself in time to prevent their meet-cute from ever happening. The resulting paradox brought about the universe’s first-ever Calamity, which wiped out the qhirats and many other species—and ended with reality’s refugees seeking solace in the purgatorial paradise of Eden.
In each iteration of reality since—and in every Eden-bound Interregnum as well—Roway has appeared at random to live out twenty-seven years of song- and joke-filled existence. And each time she shows up, she meets an even more preposterous death. Many believe this is a curse from her former lover, Mira, but it’s been ages since Roway has seen her dark fate as a burden.
These days, having perished countless times already, Roway laughs at the very idea of “death.” Instead of cringing at her impending doom, she finds each untimely demise funnier than the last.
Appearance & Personality
Roway is a tall, slender humanoid with silver hair, purple eyes, and wings of the purest white. Though born with the feathered forearms, scaled legs, and clawed digits of all qhirats, she will occasionally employ the shape-shifting powers of a Personal Transfusion Device to tone down her more “frightening” features.
Bubbly, flirtatious, and prone to peals of laughter, Roway thrives on being underestimated. Beneath the polished exterior, which she tweaks to suit each reality she is born into, she is an introspective, hyper-intelligent master manipulator. A student of human nature—and elven nature, and kíndallan nature, and so on—she obsessively fine-tunes her songs and stories to maximize their emotional impact on the audience she finds herself in front of.
Notable Iterations
The Skald (The Second Age of Eden)
Hatching from an egg in the middle of the Nunyan countryside, she was surprised to find that A) she’d been reincarnated as a fully-grown version of herself; and, B) she’d retained all memories of her previous lives.
She went on to serve as a Skald for the armies of Nunya’s Free Cities, inspiring them to victory with her poems and songs. Flying overhead during Nunya’s border disputes with the United Countries of Oz, her instrument of choice in these days was a flaming mandolin—a sight which struck fear in the hearts of the halfling armies below.
Sadly, this life came to an end when she took pity on an Ozite deserter who’d fled Munchkinland, crossed the Bü‘ükopo, and sought refuge in the Nunyan border town that Roway called home. Never one to say no to a pretty face, gullible Roway was then murdered by the Munchkin spy—an event which would be used as Oscar Diggs’ rationale for The Invasion of Oz.
Seven Voices in One (Earth-668/Edenian Fourth Age)
Reborn this time at the end of the forty-second iteration of reality, Roway made a name for herself as the star of a intergalactic singing competition. A creature the likes of which this universe had never seen—the stuff of legends as ancient as The Old Faith—she sang bawdy ballads and droll ditties across the cosmos, earning a spot in the finals that year.
Tragically, during the season finale of this annual competiton, a Calamity struck and survivors once again sought refuge in Eden.
And yet, Roway was among them. So not all hope was lost. They’d at least have her and her songs to laugh at while they waited for reality to reboot.
Things got even better once the general populace learned of The Tale of the Seven Voices. Certain that Roway would be one of them—one of the septet of singers destined to sing the next iteration of reality into existence—the peoples of Eden waited patiently for the remaining six voices to emerge. But as the twenty-seventh year of this life drew closer, Roway grew impatient—as did the halfling historians who knew, by now, the nature of Roway’s brief existences.
Together, the halflings and Roway hatched a scheme. They hired six kíndallans to mimic Roway, sent Roway and the copies to the The Hall of the Voices, and decided to roll the dice on the idea that the gods wouldn’t think this cheating.
They did, of course, but they let Roway give it a try anyway. And when she died of a broken voicebox, Mira tried not to laugh.
The Crowned Jester (Earth-669)
The current iteration of Roway Freewings was hatched in the year 1997 on the Wolaríxkín homeworld of Lokoter, where she quickly rose to prominence in the flyting community. Worshipped by the Howardians in particular for her skills on the mic, Roway’s battle raps are overtly sexual, often scatalogical, and always hilarious.
Her epic hip-hop-inspired take on the Earthling joke “The Aristocrats” is a particular favorite.
Roway was elected Crowned Jester of Lokoter after her epic takedown of Donaldian demagogue Ronka Senk during the planet’s 2010 elections, and was selected by The One True Goddess to serve as a member of the House of Thrones soon thereafter.
It was during the House’s annual card game that Roway met the current lust of her life: a queen called Merama who wears a painted face and pays way more attention to Roway than she does to the cards she’s been dealt. The couple have become a fixture in the House’s Game Room, and a favorite distraction for the rulers gathered there to play for the continued autonomy of their kingdoms.
With the twenty-seventh year of her latest life fast approaching, Roway is cranking out songs like there’s no tomorrow. But she’s also trying to enjoy life even more than usual this time around, and the lecherous behavior of marvelous Merama is a big reason why.
Roway can only hope that her jealous ex, the goddess Mira, won’t exact any vengeance on Merama for ushering a modicum of joy into this latest stretch of existence.
Biography
Early Life
The first iteration of Roway Freewings was hatched on the planet Pinion in what would later come to be known as the Dwarven System. She lived an uneventful life amongst her fellow qhirats, hunting small game, learning the trade of her parents (musical performance, of course), and riding The Great Wind on the qhirats’ annual migration across the cosmos.
Like all of her kind, she relished in inspiring tall tales on the planets she visited—sneaking back in future years to eavesdrop from above and hear how her exploits had grown in the telling.
On a visit to Gadalla, she inspired a decades-long fad of “wing-sprouting” amongst the Kíndallan youth. On Earth, her flights above Crete inspired young Icarus to defy his father’s wishes and fly too close to the sun. And on the dwarven homeworld of Thün Büldar, her circlings of the mighty Mother’s Rock sparked renewed interest in conquering that divine mountain.
And the dwarves were not the only people who young Roway caught the attention of on those visits to Thün Büldar. No, not at all.
The Love of a Goddess
As worshippers of The Old Faith and literalist interpreters of The Myth of Mother’s Rock had long suspected, the peak of that place played host to the sister deities, Mira and Phina. And Mira, a rather young god at this point, was not yet jaded enough to ignore the potent beauty of soaring Roway. That was how Roway came to be invited into the goddesses’ cavernous home and to be wooed into Mira’s bed.
For a time, theirs was a happy and satisfying relationship. Roway sang Mira one love song after another. Mira granted every wish Roway made, no matter how ridiculous, like she was a jinn trying to get out of her lamp early on good behavior. And the two of them learned that there was no greater orgasm than one given or received while flying through the stratosphere.
But Mira soon grew jealous of Roway’s need to keep moving—to keep migrating—and she banished the beautiful qhirat from the mountain one day on a whim, sealing shut the entrance and swearing to never see the “unfaithful fool” again.
Causing a Calamity
Roway, not one to be rejected, decided she would have her revenge—and that she would have it in a most unorthdox way. She would travel back in time by flying on The Great Wind until she reached The River Without End. Then she would soar above the rapids of that time-churning waterway, circling the known universe until she’d reached the moment when Mira had invited her into the cave, and she would chase her younger self away from destiny.
It was a plan which Roway pulled off without a hitch, save for the butterflies which swarmed her in the final moment. But though she smiled big and broad when her younger self followed her away from Mother’s Rock and back onto The Great Wind, Roway’s sense of triumph was short-lived. Soon enough, winds blew in from all sides, tearing feathers from her wings as she struggled to stay aloft. Then the rain began, great torrents of it, as the River Without End began to flood. And then, finally, the mountains began to fall.
A Calamity had begun. It was the end of the world as Roway knew it, and she didn’t feel fine. Not. At. All.
In her head, she heard a vengeful Mira telling her, “This is your doing. This is your fault.”
And that was how Roway became the first Riverbender in the Clarkwoods Literary Universe.
Of course, she wouldn’t be the last. And the only thing Roway finds funnier than the increasingly absurd ways Mira chooses to kill her are the increasingly absurd lengths that others will go to in their quest to defy the will of her old flame.
Now that they know it’s possible. Now that Roway has paved the way.
Her Greatest Hit
One of Roway’s most popular works, the song “A Great Big Pile of Should,” had such staying power in the Clarkwoods Literary Universe that the tune eventually found its way here to The Real World, where it’s been covered by author E. Christopher Clark’s one-man band Pop Bubblegum Trash.
The Song
The Lyrics
VERSE 1
there’s nothing like the fire in your belly
when you’re almost there
there’s nothing like the feel of the great wind
blowing through your hair
but in this time of the virus
of memes and of war
there’ll be no joy in mudville
until we settle the score
PRE-CHORUS 1
with you people who came here
so long ago
from so very far away
from the last place that you stole
CHORUS 1
mom and dad and the ancestors
i know they did the best that they could
they fought your wars
and they learned your words
still i’m a great big pile of should
i should be grateful that you left us some land
in this land that you landed upon
i should be peaceful like the wisest of men
i should, or like them i’ll be gone
VERSE 2
there’s nothing like the scream of a fiddle
played by a man
who’s lost everything in the world
as part of your plan
you sit in your happy castle
way up high on your throne
taking in the man’s pain and his artform
which you’ll soon call your own
PRE-CHORUS 2
but the goddess and i
see you for yourselfand in the deepest of dungeons
we’ve saved you a cell
CHORUS 2
mom and dad and the ancestors
i know they did the best that they could
they taught me well
said I did them proud
still i’m a great big pile of should
i should have done more with the gifts that they gave
and the wings and the one thousand songs
i should have done more with the time that they bought
with their lives when you dropped the bombs.
BRIDGE/SOLO/INSTRUMENTAL
CHORUS 3
mom and dad and the ancestors
i know they did the best that they could
now it’s all up to me
to dig myself out from under
this great big pile of should
so listen to me, men of the colonies:
pack up your guns and your wives
do what you should have done four hundred years ago
and i’ll let you leave with your lives.
Other Popular Songs by Roway
Courtesy of Everything Ever Produced
Special Thanks
Special thanks to Dazzlikat for her advice during my January 18 Twitch stream and to AuthorGoddess for the suggestion about rap battles during my January 21 stream.
For best song I am going with OC/DC :p Nice article and fun to read! Loved the various iterations of the character and how things were done differently in each one. Also quite interesting to learn more about the first Riverbender. I guess I got my answer now for the riverbender article :p It seems like the godess River does not like her anymore :p
I'm glad you got a kick out of it. Yeah, River's not fond of Roway anymore. Someday I will have to write out the full article about River. She's definitely an interesting character in my mind, with a lot of quirks.