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N O T I C E : : m e m o r y _ s t r e a m _ l o c a t e d
I D : : w o r k s
T Y P E: : E X P E R I E N T I A L
So interminable. So interminable. I don't understand. Why am I so frustrated?
Ugh, Inos, it hurts.
Exhausted. In pain. Confused.
Why? Why am I...
It feels so lonely. I had a good day - I was productive, and I got a ton of work done - but...
Why doesn't that feel at all gratifying?
There's so much more work to do.
Even if the work I did up until now is good, it doesn't mean very much on its own; not so long as there's still so much more to do. The project won't be worth anything until it's complete, so I just have to keep on working, and working, and working.
How many days has it been now since I took a break? I check. Five days of working for ten or eleven hours a day. Pretty normal for one of my work periods, and yet.
It always feels so unsatisfying. No matter how good of a job I do, it never feels like it's enough. I never stop to admire any of my work: instead I move on immediately, pondering what the next step is. What praise I do receive from my friends is forgotten in mere minutes, and leaves me feeling warm for at most half of that. Is this what it is to be a person? To be a constantly empty vessel, unable to ever feel filled for more than moments at a time?
I hate it. It hurts and I hate it. But I don't know how to make it stop. I don't know from what else I could even try to derive meaning. How else could I measure myself, save for in my works?
Tired... So tired. Want to sleep.
I want to sleep. I want to go to bed and cease to exist, so that I don't have to feel this way any more.
The thought makes my eyes water.
I turn to the only person who I know can soothe me.
████████... Help me, ████████. Please, help me.
But she is not there. My pleas fall upon emptiness, and I am left all alone.
Why, ████████? Why... why... Please. Don't leave me here all on my own. I don't want things to stay like this. I don't want to be left alone like this. Please. You know I'm sorry; so please, come back. Don't... Don't make me stay here alone forever.
It hurts too much. I start crying.
I miss her so much.