Osnaghar's Journal

This article is a Work in Progress. Due to uncertainties about the timeline, the entries are numbered, not dated.

Journal entry 847

Our last expedition ventured far north-west. The mission was cut short when a large crevasse filled with spiders blocked our way. It stretched as far as the eye could see in both directions. Of course, the ice hurts visibility.
I sometimes wish it was possible to build big structures as markers, indicating where we've been before. But the sleds can only hold so much weight. It would also lull us into a false sense of security. Just because we've been somewhere, doesn't mean it is safe. It could be crawling with any number of animals. I have noticed that the spiders occupying crevasses sometimes seem to migrate. But not in a predictable way, so that we could wait for them to leave.
So I have to stay patient. There are no shortcuts to discovery. The ice also makes it basically impossible to accurately map out the area, so I don't feel confident delegating this important mission to some cartographer.

Journal entry 848

Reading my previous entries, I can't help but wonder whether my ego refrains me from seeing how idiotic this pursuit it. A single vision all those years ago have set me on this path. Most people around me call me crazy and have lost faith in the mission. And I excude confidence and an unrelenting belief in the mission.
Most days, my persistence just makes me blind to any self-doubt. I guess today is no such day, seeing my lingering self-doubt has transformed into self-criticism. Did my overconfidence in my cognitive abilities make me blind to the truth? Or was this vision sent by an evil God, trying to lure me into this hostile environment that I'm compelled to explore? Are all the people who have given their lives in pursuit of my mission on my hands?
Am I even capable of giving up anymore? Seeing how much I've given to this mission, how big would the failure be to leave empty-handed? How damaged would my reputation be? All those people that died for this mission, would have died in vain. Can my conscious bare that weight?
Or are these thoughts themselves an evil God tempting me to give up, when I'm on the brink of making my discovery? And does Oghma want me to continue to prove my loyalty and devotion? I don't know what to think anymore.

Journal entry 849

It's been a few days since my last entry. I had to take a break from my thoughts. I used the portal to take a rest in Aerundrie. I paid a long overdue visit to my fellow researchers, who've been missing me greatly. Seeing my old friends did me well and reinvigorated my sense of purpose.
I've read some of my older journals, wondering if there was anything my memory was overlooking, but alas, nothing new came of it. I guess I should be glad that my memory is still as reliable as ever.
A letter awaited me as well, with a response about my inquiry of the expected landscape underneath the ice. Geologists expect that the east holds a mountainous region. That could be a region where ancient settlers would choose to live. So we're preparing for the next expedition, heading further east.
It's difficult to fathom distances on the frozen planes. Astronomy holds the key, but we've yet to figure out a reliable way to measure our location without a clear sky. Sadly, the north is not known for its pleasant weather.
So I'm cautiously optimistic about this voyage. We've explored such a vast area, but there's no clear indication of the actual size of the ice caps. The idea that furhter east, we might find a different terrain is enticing.

Type

Journal, Personal