On the granting of titles to foreign diplomats aka Florideis
"Thank you Meihomei, thank you for having me."
"Welcome Flora, to the petit salon, please join me for tcha.."
"Just how many titles do you have? I know you were supposed to list all your titles and honours at Marhamat's funeral, and I was impressed, but I know you have some you didn't name."
"I named all my Kagomine titles, the next time I am adressed with the whole salad bar of them, including the foreigns. will be my fiftieth arndday."
"Oh. That is surely many decades away."
"Flatterer, it's less than five arnds away, and I don't have that many, your stepmother has more foreign titles than I do."
"Oh?"
"Mikhi has the most titles because she's our ambassador, and it's commonly done to give a title to a successful ambassador, either while active or once he retires."
"And as Domei Garay?"
"As Domei Garay she got several due to her work on the treaty of Lai Dang. A Barony in Luxem and one in Andorra, a County in Sardé, and her and her husband were from families less influential in Kagomei not least because they were seen as foreign houses. The Duchess of Benevento is a top thirty player, and that's Mikhi until she steps down."
"I remember you had to do with that treaty too."
"I did, your command did, your Herevallin did, But without Mikhi's skill at negotiation it wouldn't have been so fair to everyone."
"Why's that important, treaties have losers all the time."
"Most treaties have losers who lost a war, this one didn't have losers because we were allying against a common enemy, one we have won. Yet, our allies are staying in the alliance, not turning on one another, because of Mikhi's fine work."
"Oh, how big are we talking here?"
"There's never been an alliance of this size. The First Eurani Pact had thirty per cent of Arnd's population and forty per cent of gross national product. Lai Dang is closer to 90 per cent, for both measures, and I don't need to tell you that 90 per cent is 90 per cent of a larger pie."
"Treaty Authority must be terrified, to have to keep so many fair..."
"I've just met with them, they are making progress, so far, having the ability to promise the exploration of space has kept the ambitious in the treaty from fromenting trouble."
"Really?"
"Well, some of the Coalition are asking to join Lai Dang, now that we defeated them."
"Not, not the Agoban?"
"No, he would not meet the criteria. The Nek-Mo-Tih are off meditating, and don't see a point. But the Antooni and especially the Massimi want to commerce with us."
"Which ones are those?"
"The Antoos are the ones with the horns, the Massimi are the Arndans of a different colour. I don't need to tell you those would probably fit in best."
"Oh, the infiltrators."
"Exactly, but also the ones that overthrew the Nek-Mo-Tih and Agoban and sued for peace."
"Excuse me, Meihomei, but Star-Admiral Guberdot of the Massimi would like a word."
"GRR, I hate when my low tcha is interrupted."
"Duty, I understand, Meihomei."
"Meritant Rolli, or do I call you Na-Bameimeita Rolli now?."
"What, me?"
"Expectant consorts do get bumped up..."
"Oh, he told you."
"I have eyes, dear, you're already showing... And everyone heard of your bouts of morning sickness, I suspect one or more people at Responsible Disclosure did an irresponsible disclosure." She chuckled.
"That's not fair, I wanted to choose when to tell people."
"Did you choose when you told Mikhi and Jima?"
"Yes, and Andei and Juraian, and..."
"You're already ahead. When I was expecting Shen I was able to tell exactly Mikhi and Amarat, in the same room, before the rumor mill told everyone else."
"That's not fair either, that you lost him, to that plague..."
"I know, Guberdot is probably here to talk about the tribunal I've asked him to set up, to find out who tried to kill our own people. They would have won, handily, if they had realized earlier we had the same genetic material as the Massimo, down to five nines, and told the Massimo to stay away from us."
"Sorry, nines?"
"A Massimo has exactly the same number of chromosome and base pairs, built on exactly the same amino acids we have, they just don't have the same distribution of those amino-acids, and even then, it's statistically similar. Ninety-nine-point-nine-nine-nine-four per cent. We asked for their own genebank research and did our own stats, by the way. They're very eager to say they are our offspring species. Because of the way the coalition works."
"Why?"
"The Coalition is a cultural Hegemony, you have power by how much you've influenced the rest of the coalition. Hence why their political leaders are all called after an art form, the Dancers of Massimo, the High Poet of Agobah, the Writers of Antoo."
"Where would we fit in?"
"If we are distinct, we'd have to decide which of the nine are artists."
"But they all are, and different arts too, like Fetish is good at Choreography, Dominars like miming, Physical is both apt at dance and song, Advantage has their own dances, and make movies."
"Yes, and if we're not distinct, we can challenge the Dancers of Massimo, become the Dancers of Arnd."
"Would that benefit us?"
"There's six hundred million Massimi, over multiple space stations, despite their low numbers, they already influenced the others in many ways. With us winning against the Coalition, and our greater numbers, it's possible we'd become a powerhouse in the Coalition, especially since their influenced is capped until their homeworld is recognized.
"Which, if they are not distinct, would be a lot easier. It'd be us."
"Oh, yes, we'd remove a cap on them, and contribute about 8 billion to their counts. But so far, our arts and culture are too distinct for the Coalition rules, I suspect that's one thing Guberdot wants to talk about."
"How would we go about solving that?"
"Not sure, but cultural exchanges sound like a low-hanging fruit, we learn about them, they learn about us, we figure things we have in common. I mean, their infiltrators were too successful for them to be that different..."
"Thank you Meihomei, same time next week?"
"No, sorry, next week I'll be visiting Benevento and Brescia, Mikhi and I are having a kind of leadership offsite."
"Need an escort?" Flora's grin was impish.
"To Brescia? No, we're flying hypersonic, no folderol except for the absolutely required chat with the King of Brescia."
"You mention Brescia as a distinct land than Benevento, doesn't Benevento have a ruler?"
"It's a semi-independant part of Brescia, and I'm bringing the ruler with me."
"Oh, any chance Amarat inherits that?"
"None, Benevento is a Matriarchy. Mikhi's heir is either her daughter, or you, or one of your daughters..."
"What, me?"
"As the wife of her son, you are an acceptable candidate, he is not."
"Don't they have gender-neutral rulers in Eurani?"
"Only in Alessia, Lolland and Brunswick, the rest are stodgily backwards."
"Kagomei is stodgily backwards... We've never had a neither ruler."
"That's true, but there's nothing to make it difficult in the rules, at least. No 'the first male child' or 'the oldest surviving female relative'. You should come though, you and Amarat, come with us."
"Why?"
"You might inherit the place, and trust me, it's well worth a visit just on its own merits. Wine yards, fields of wheath as far as the eye can see, beautiful fragrant forests, olive and peach orchards, peaceful lakes and streams."
"Everything but a city."
"There's a few, but on the smaller scale, nothing like the bustle of Megamisama. They're ancient cities though, on par with the eldest Moniqan cities, just not as hold as the ancient Handy Holds."
"Damn, the Handy Holds? That's ancient!"
"Exactly, Benevento predates the rest of Eurani by a fair bit, and had an idyllic climate, a love of arts, of beauty, and a good trade balance. When they signed the pact, they had the balance of power in it. No one wanted to upset the Etruscans, now called Beneventi."
"Why the name change?"
"It's what Etruscan means in their language, 'the goodwilling'. Beneventi is how you say it in Brescian. And funnily enough, they invented the practice of giving grants of land to your neighbours for peace."
"Thank you Meihomei." Flora left, escorted out by a single page.
Her next guest noticed how he rated significantly more guards. "Thank you for receiving me, Meihomei, who is that?"
"That is the Na-Bameimeita Rolli."
"What is that?"
"My heir's wife."
"Oh, your heir, but not your son?"
"No, my son died through that plague that I asked you to investigate. Let's not mention my son again today.
"My face is lowered, a thousand apologies."
"I take it that's why you've come?"
"No, I was petitioned to come ask you for your answer on the Coalition vote next week."
"I am not the ruler of Arnd, I cannot speak for the others."
"You are the leader of the alliance that defeated the Coalition, you're the closest thing we'll find."
"And what am I to do, to vote?"
"You are to accept, or refuse to declare yourselves Massimi from a cultural perspective."
"How am I to do this?"
"This document must be signed."
"A simple glyph?"
"Your writing of your name, as legally binding you in the person of the ruler, is our way."
"Then I give you this document, it disappears, and I never see it again..."
"Surely not!"
"Yet, we've both been attacked by others in the Coalition, and obviously, you're not impartial in this. Where is this document to go?"
"It is to be carried on board a fleet courier bound for the Coalition Parliament Station in orbit around Nek-Mo-Tih. There will be a session of the Coalition speaking-house in twelve days."
"How big are those couriers?"
"They carry eight crew, with two backups, but total personnel capacity rises up to 25 in an emergency."
"I would send my reply with an envoy and escort, if we are to speak to you as a potential Coalition member, I would speak in my own voice. Except my current voice is expecting, and cannot be spared." Mikhala had sent names, picking fifteen names, including a lifeguard, was going to be tight, but doable.
"Congradulations, does your voice know..."
"No, we do not recognize gender of any child younger than five. And we have a formal ceremony that makes it legally binding at 10. Tell me, Star-Admiral Guberdot, have you heard of the tradition of Floridelis?"
"No, is this a local custom?"
"It is, it started in Eurani, in Benevento, it is practiced in Hand, where I know you are more familiar with traditions."
"Perhaps it is more recent than our emigration, at any rate, it does not ring a bell by name, perhaps it would, by what it entails?"
"Florideis is when a peace treaty is signed and sealed with an exchange of land grants between two warrning nations."
"I see, interesting, and how would you equate your land with ours, since we have none that is hand-made?
"We have hand-made land as well, I do not see it as a distinction of merit. I do understand that you point out scarcity as a reason for objection. That is very against the idea of Florideis, the grant is proportionate to the giver's power as well as the receiver's because it is to make sure peace is attempted fairly."
"Our ancient traditions had us marry members of the leaders of each nation, to accomplish a similar goal."
"For religious reasons, this hasn't been practiced, or practicable, in Arnd in some time."
"Why not practicable?"
"Because of the rite of Kannaveral, any ruler can have multiple spouses, and because of the rite of Hérévale, any marriage only lasts five years."
"That would still work."
"A peace treaty that only lasts five years is a breath of air, having no substance, no permanence. Indeed, anything less than twenty of peace is considered a failure of diplomacy."
"Ah, so yo object to our practice, and we don't have enough land to give you, for your practice, an impasse."
"No, I do think you have the land to give. I have specific room requirements, a single room, in every one of your stations, capable of holding at least one quarter the population of your stations."
"What will you do there? Those are too big for embassies."
"These will be temples to our religion of Elemental Circles, you will be invited to join us in worship. It is our tradition and our rule to buy the land for an embassy or consulate with our own funds, anyways."
"That will be on Massimo only?"
"Should the Antoo wish to grant us the privilege, we will match it with grants on our land."
"But not all the Coalition Members?"
"Those who acted against the plague, swiftly, and decisively, get a reward. Those who are suspected of engineering the deaths of our people? I would not reward them with my land, I cannot since I question their motives."
"Ah, obviously. So this is a peace treaty, where you reward your friends?"
"We won, Star-Admiral, certainly those not rewarded will understand it goes hand in hand with losing."
"I understand, I believe the rest of the coalition will posture and bicker, but they will understand the logic. As for the grants in your lands, what are they like?"
"Uninhabited lands, five times the area of the matching grant in the stations, matching the area of a grant in Antoo."
"The lands are to be uninhabited?"
"Understand me, the lands are given unimproved, with the wish for the receiver to improve them through trade and other acts of goodwill."
"There are no unimproved, nor unnihabited lands in all of Antoo, they are overcrowded to the point where to leave the planet is to live. But there is corruption on who gets to leave."
"I will send lifeguards..."
"That will be accepted at your embassies, but not elsewhere."
"Even to help grow crops?"
"Your lifeguards are armed servicemen, anywhere they go, they are considered military, for the Coalition, have a care where you deploy them."
"Then I will send civilian priests to tend the shrines then."
"Thank you."
"You won't thank me when you realize the lifeguards are much much less dangerous, and much better disposed."
"You mean to send the same to Antoo and Massimo?"
"I would have sent servicemen chaplains to tend the shrines, as it is our custom. You told me it would not do, so I will have to recruit wildcat priests, mikos, sorceresses. They tend to be higher in regard of the elements because fhey do not split their focus from their calling. They also have a much higher standing, and will expect much greater respect... I've known more humble ambassadors than I've known humble Circle Priests."
"I'm sure the Antoo will respect them, but they will complain about the food..."
"Circle Priests can conjure their own food, from thin air."
"Then expect the Antoo to ask you to open shrines covering the territory, that is a great boon to them."
"Megamisama Stardock, Megamisama Stardock, this is Coalition Courier 'Ether Rider' requesting vector."
"Ether Rider, vector 15, 20, 95, come about, winds are 45 k."
"Just relax, it'll be fine."
"No, it's not fine, I'm a Financial Analyst, how come I get sent to space?"
"Because dear, I'm not leaving without you, and I made that known to Nameihomei who repeated it, verbatim, to Meihomei."
"But... Is it safe?"
"We have the invader's own tech to keep us safe dear, they've been doing this for three hundred years."
"It's quite safe, distinguished visitors. Vice-undersecretaryVan Pelt, please fasten your restraints. We are departing in two minutes."
"And you are a Massimo?"
"I am, I am Cadre Officer Guberdot, son of the Star-Admiral, it is my fifth trip of this type, we seldom have problems not of a diplomatic nature."
"Well, being that as Vice-Undersecretary of State, I am a diplomat, I may be able to help with that."
"Ether Rider, Ether Rider, this is Megamisama-Star-Command, do you copy?"
"Ether Rider, speak freely star command."
"Ehter Rider, do you have aboard a Vice-Undersecretary Lusitania Van Pelt? Meihomei would like a word."
"Meihomei?" Lusitania had an attack of the shakes.
"Ether Rider, put Lusitania Van Pelt on the line for me please." That was Meihomei's unmistakable soprano...
"I am Vice-Undersecretary Lusitania Van Pelt, I am here, I am attending to your wishes."
"Correction, you are Undersecretary Lusitania Van Pelt, you are attending my wishes, and those of Secretary Veneer. Congradulations, Lusitania, go fix your letterhead."
"I... can't... There's..."
"You can, I packed you a full kit of the coorrect grade, and send it up with you dear. Meihomei does enjoy her little surprises."
"This was all planned?"
"You and your brother have been on my radar since before Lai Dang, dear, I'm happy to reward you for doing such good work. Meihomei and Star Command out."
A few moments later.
"What are you looking for?"
"My kit, the stationary, the introduction cards, I want to make sure it's in good condition!"
"What, Meihomei wouldn't..."
"I'm not worried about that! We had wine in our luggage, silly, stationary can't withstand that!"
"Wine? Against regulation!"
"Yes, you're supposed to let your pilot tell you when it's time to drink, and he's brought some to boot." The pilot smirked.
"You brought Massimi wine?"
"Yes, and Alessian rosé bubbly."
"Well, we don't have Massimi, but we brought Bleg wine, Brungadian."
"Lifeguards!"
"What?"
"I don't know if we have enough..."
"We don't have anything fancy, but we were issued two rations of black ale, Zim, none of us will complain. Apparently, it helps the anti-nausea medicine work. We'll take it at the end of everyone's shift, but I guess you wanted to toast?"
"Well, we are the first Kagomine to leave orbit..."
"Err, no, we're not even in the first fifty.... Not that left and came back."
"What, that many?"
"The Coalition took many prisoners, we returned over 250 Kagomine back to you some months prior."
"Just Kagomine?"
"We mostly attacked Kagomine, Moniqi and New Lollandese, so those were reflected in captured individuals."
"Why those places?" Lusitania knew, but she wanted to know if her host knew the truth she'd been told...
"There were rare resources we wanted to get, they're found in The Panettone, under the Kagomine Palace at Megamisama and Sook Zenith."
"The Sook? Really?"
"That's what I heard, what is that anyways?"
"The most concentrated city on Arnd, 14.5 million people in the mouth of an extinct volcano vent. I love going there, but it's gotta be hell being there when there's an attack going on."
"Yes, the panic the first attack inflicted is part of the reason the Counter-Coalitionski-Front rose up, they just couldn't handle seeing so many of your people killing each other to get in the way of attacks that we weren't even going to make.",
"Oh, did you get the materials, finally?" "No, not through military action. Your... Valour-Keeper? He managed to make a deal that got it for us, stopped the fighting, once we got rid of the gung-ho crazies.""Wait, Valour-Keeper? She's a girl now, how long ago was this?"
"Oh, six months ago, Name of Veneer I think..."
"Amarat?"
"You know him?"
"My boss's son, also, my cousin, on my mom's side. Cool guy."
"What's he doing now?"
"Getting set up to inherit from his cousin, on his mom's side."
"Who's that?"
"Meihomei."
"Amarat is the Bameimeito?"
"Silly Lunqui, anyone paying attention knew it would be automatic, if anything happened to Shen."
"Ugh, guess I didn't do the math, think I can ask for a raise? Now that I'm not the financial advisor to a really important dude, but to the Bameimeito himself?"
"No, I don't think you can, you could probably ask him to keep you in mind for a new job though, I hear there's some juicy ones he hasn't filled up yet."
"Like?"
"Prime Minister, Secretary of the Treasury, he's good for defense, state."
"He is?"
"Well, he hasn't said he was firing his mom..."
"Oh, he can inherit..."
"He's inheriting from Meihomei, pay attention! But yeah. Wait..."
"Wait, what?"
"I just realized, Meihomei named me Undersecretary of state just now... I'm... next in line..."
"Yes, yes you are, you are Domeita Mikhala's understudy now, officially. Congradulations!"
"Wait, no this is too much... I mean, no one, and I mean no one, has had such an impact on Kagome from State, as she did, ever! It's too big!"
"We expect you to learn from her, as her understudy, bettering her... not so much!"
"You swear?"
"You're not Nameihomei dear, there's things she could do when she was a girl that you can't... Don't set the mark so high no one could match it. But do take it for the compliment she is... No one is going to tell Domeita who to name her understudy..."
"Are you sure?"
"Silly, the Nameihomei has to countersign all the secretary of state appointments, there's no way Mikhala doens't approve."
"Oh, right. So Auntie Mikhala thinks I would do a good job."
"I don't think I've ever heard you call her auntie, what gives?"
"Well, she is, well she married uncle Amarat, Amarat Senior, not junior..."
"Yes, and?"
"Your point?"
"How come you only mention this now? She was that before..."
"I... hadn't put it all together yet."
"...Ether Rider, do you copy?"
"Ether Rider here, identify."
"Ether Rider, this is Nek-Mo-Tih Traffic Control, you are in a restricted airspace, identify."
"Ether Rider, Massimi-bound courier for Coalition Council business with secured materials and ambassadors who wish leave to address the council. Authorization: Guberdot S.A. 876-Hy1n1x-Pr0p0f0l-C@mbridge-124."
"Authorization checks out, vector inbound 126-167-86, don't think anything silly too loudly courier, things are about to get interesting the coalition."
"Ether Rider, I suspect the Ambassador will be making waves, but safe ones, safe skies Traffic Control."
"Elements above, but that was hard!"
"Well done, Vice!"
"And you are?"
"I am Meihomei's Beacon among the stars, but you may call me Vredefort."
"In this place, I am Meihomei's voice."
"I am Honoured, but I am here to call you to her conference."
"She is reachable?"
"Yes, thanks to Arnd's Pride, they are fully reachable."
"What is that?"
"The reason I am Meihomei's Beacon, a ship I captured, single-handedly."
"I would insist on that story, if Meihomei were not waiting. What's your family name, by the way."
"I am Vredefort Comma, you may have met my eldest daughter, Maelle?"
"You're SFOF-10 Meihomei's beacon and your daughter is NFOF-10 Nessun-Honour of Meihomei's Imperial Kagome Navy? You must be some element's personal pet.
Comments