I just spent a year's worth of time trapped in a time loop but it's fine now, the Not-Yeti is safely contained and whoever got my office wet is getting fired immediately. Water usage is limited until we catch this thing, I cannot believe so many of you fell for that. Whatever's trapping our people in emails has made a dire mistake— does it have any idea how expensive this carpet is to clean? Also it took my son.
I think I know what this thing wants, the ACF may or may not have the anomaly known as Poseidon in our possession— considering HQ is a floating facility, whatever is orchestrating this is hoping to sink us and free their god. We're not gonna let that happen, we're going to use its own tricks against it— I got one of Ekaj's personnel to trace back the thing's email. Send it as many scams as you can, I'm betting if it falls for enough, its power will weaken.
If any personnel happen to do carpet cleaning part time or as some sort of boring hobby, please contact me. You have no idea how expensive it is to fly in a cleaner from the mainland, screen them, have them clean the carpet, wipe their memory so they don't leak foundation secrets afterwards, and fly them back home.
The thing's email is listed below, get your hooks ready everyone— we're going phishing.
— Bin Folks, Administrator
Let's go phishing!