Giant Pigeon Poop Scooper

"Alright, you ready?"
"Ready as I'll ever be!" As soon as I slipped on my goggles and my breathing mask the timer started. The consistent bleeping rang in my ears as I climbed the ladder onto the roof of this makeshift house. I stared in disbelief as my feet sank into the poop. There has to be a literal tonne of this... I thought, as I clutched my shovel. As my shovel dug into the poop, I began to gag. The stench was overwhelming, but I had to continue.   What felt like hours later, the timer was still screaming behind me. Almost done, as I made my way to the last corner of the roof. With a big sigh, I reached down to shovel the rest of the poop, and threw it off the building, into the back of a large vehicle ready to be ignited and turned into fuel. "Finished!" I screamed, as I pounded across the roof towards the ladder. I excitedly scurried down, and ran towards my instructor who was stood waiting with my results. "Alright, want to hear them?"
"Of course!"
"You scored... 38 minutes!" I looked absolutely dumbfounded at him. That seemed like such a long time! I turned back to see the scoreboard, my mouth smacking the floor. I was... the fastest person ever to clean a roof!
Despite being one of the most disgusting jobs on the planet, poop scooping is an incredibly competitive profession. Giant pigeons are one of the most popular modes of transport in the Region of Sarra, but it comes with a price; lots of poop. That's where these poop scoopers come in.



Unsurprisingly, a poop scooper must have experience with bad smells, particularly faeces. It is unlikely that amateurs have dealt with poop of this magnitude, which is why before they are hired as professional scoopers they are put through rigorous training to get them used to the job.   The most well known and despised training course is known as the Roof of Hell. Trainees are made to scrub an entire roof of a makeshift house clean, cleaning roughly 3 tonnes of giant pigeon poop. Most jobs won't require cleaning 3 tonnes of poop at one particular time, thankfully. Cleaning the Roof of Hell is also timed, and in every single training facility is a local scoreboard and a national scoreboard. The local scoreboard scores every single trainee that has cleaned the Roof of Hell at that particular facility, while the national scoreboard looks at everyone that has ever cleaned the Roof of Hell. This is possibly the most competitive a trainee gets, as everyone tries to beat the national record, which is currently set at 38 minutes.

Payment & Reimbursement

Professional, paid poop scoopers are not paid salaries. Instead, they are paid per roof. Many workers work under a specific facility, and when someone calls for a cleaner, the manager recommends a particular worker. They are called out, and based on the size of the roof and the amount of poop, they are paid a certain amount. Following a worker to the house needing cleaned is an evaluator; evaluators are the people that work out the costs per job.


Social Status

Poop scoopers are both looked at in disgust and are revered in society. Many people wonder why one would take a job like this, but many also thank them for doing so. The majority would agree that they wouldn't want to be a professional poop scooper, and so they often leave extra large tips as a thank you. Some taverns and inns don't invite poop scoopers in, these are usually the more wealthy establishments. They believe that poop scooping jobs are reserved for those that cannot afford to do anything else, and believe that anyone who picks such a disgusting job is disgusting in nature.


Poop scooping has long been an occupation. Ever since giant pigeons were used as a mode of transport, people needed some way to remove the excess poop from their roofs and so people were hired to clean them. As the job became more in demand, professional establishments formed where people could train in the field.



Poop scoopers carry many tools in their arsenal. Such items include shovels, used to scoop large amounts of poop from roofs, scrapers, to scrape off poop in hard to reach places, and water, used to deep clean places in the roof that haven't been cleaned in a while. There are usually spare tools stored in poop cleaning vans, in case there is an emergency.

Dangers & Hazards

One of the main hazards of being a poop cleaner is falling. It is easy to fall from rooftops, especially when one goes to throw the poop off the roofs. There is an estimated 100 falls per year, with 26 resulting in deaths, based off of 60 years of statistics. Sadly these deaths are often overlooked by poop cleaning companies, as their employees are not valued much.
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12 Feb, 2022 23:50

The month of the great poop scooper strike was the most terrible calamity of the century. Roofs collapsed and people got buried under the poop...   Seriously, these people need a union! I love the interaction between Giant Pigeon and Poop Central, though from the description I wonder whether the population was fooled into keeping these beasties alive. Maybe there are some rednecks with guns shooting them to keep them off their homes? I also wonder whether static roof defenses would be an alternative option. Come to think of it, the political-social climate with different poop cleaning companies has potential.   That's as much as I got considering it's poop scoopers. I had a good laugh!

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13 Feb, 2022 12:28

I'm glad you enjoyed this article! People actually use giant pigeons to get around the city, despite having wings. Similar to how humans use cars even though we can walk. I wouldn't be surprised if there are some people that do shoot these birds to get them off their homes :P

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19 Feb, 2022 13:38

This is disgusting! Congratulations on the great article!

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22 Feb, 2022 16:46

Thank you so much!

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22 Feb, 2022 12:23

Now THIS is a clever bit of worldbuilding! Yes, if you're going to use giant birds for transport, bird are incontinent, and someone is going to have to clean up the mess. Great work, here!

Author of the Wyrd West Chronicles and the Toy Soldier Saga. Mother of Bunnies, Eater of Pickles, Friend of Nerds, First of her Name.
22 Feb, 2022 16:47

Thank you so much! Never in my life did I think I'd be complimented on the cleverness of my worldbuilding, so thank you a lot xD

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23 Feb, 2022 03:26

I thought I commented. Darn. Anyhow, good article, Mochi. Gonna be honest: I can totally see myself in such a profession.

"Oh this ain't chocolate; it's doo-doo, baby."

2 Mar, 2022 14:35

Came here for the article's name, stayed for the content. This was an amazing read!