The Trizznugget's 'Foods of the World' Experience

an Adventure in Fine Dining by Tarleton Quilmaster of the Endmere Food Quarterly

veryone in the industry has heard of the Foods of the World Experience served up by Trizznugget Samoblammet in the far-off city of Baron's Point, so it was inevitable that I finally made the effort to spend nearly a year of my life journeying to that city and back to experience it for myself. It was quite rewarding, for "the Experience" is indeed unique.

The service begins the way every Halfling expects it to: with a course resembling breakfast. A perfectly poached cockatrice egg was served over a rasher of the finest Dwarven Bacon I have ever experienced - it is said to be imported from the First Delve and cured in the "original way". As fine a mug of Endmere's Finest Kafay, with cream and sugar, accompanied this course.

Next, a palate-cleansing dish (as was explained to me) of delicate Elven White Snowcap Mushrooms dressed with a few fresh herbs and a light grain vinegar was brought to the table. A few minutes later, a large bowl of brown items that resembled candies appeared; it was explained that these were roasted Chittiki sandbeetles, with a coating made by combining Kafay powder and something called "chocolate". (This coating fascinated me, and caused me to spend an extra few months abroad to learn more of this fascinating food!) These things were crunchy, salty and sweet at the same time, and the Kafay flavor was subtle yet important to the overall taste.

Soon, a platter of Felisean Grassleaper tartare was served, with the meat presented on thin, crisp slices of river tuber. The coarsly chopped raw meat (grassleaper is a variety of savannah deer native to Felisea, by the way) was salted and herbed; the slightly sweet crunch of the tuber made this a really pleasant appetizer.

After a few minutes "rest" and a glass of light wine to refresh the palate once more, the next course was brought. This was a giant frogleg ceviche made in the Taxlatl fashion. Ceviche, for the uninitiated, is not cooked per se, but the meat is steeped in a an acidic fruit juice (in this case Taxlatl Bitterfruit), which "cooks" the meat without altering its raw texture. for the uninitiated, the Taxlatl never apply fire to prepare meats; they claim it ruins the texture. i will admit that the texture (and flavor) of this dish was... interesting.

Another glass of light wine, and another meat platter appeared. This one contained two different "fire-treated" meats: strips of flame-seared tunnelworm prepared in the Kobold fashion, and an Orcish dry-rub-spiced, roasted wild boar. Both were still sizzling hot when brought to the table. The boar was one of my favorite tastes of the entire experience, but I must also admit that, once I got past the fact that I was eating strips of a worm large enough to eat me, the Kobold dish was acceptable as well. The two meats were served with a cold Elvish salad made of sorrel and dandelion greens, lightly dressed with balsamic vinegar and acorn oil.

As a change of pace, the next platter was chilled, and was designed to once more clear the spices from the palate. This one was cold dwarven sea-spider sausages. (Before freaking out, you should know that sea-spiders are a variety of crab; this was a Seafarer Dwarven sausage recipe). Accompanying the sausage were two quite rare Gnomish cheeses: a Marshwater Green and a cave-cured Blue. I was thrilled to see these appear; they are among my favorites. (Once you get past the fact that they smell like the year-long-worn stockings of an Orcish Gladiator, the tastes are remarkably fine!)

Finally, it was time for a "real dinner", I was told as a large bowl of venison, turnip, parsnip, and carrot stew was served. It was seasoned according to Clotilde Oldbuck's recipe from the Bugbear's Head Inn in the Feywood - deep in the Frontier lands, and it was the best stew I ever ate.

After the stew, it was time for one last "palate cleanser". A small dish with a tiny white-fleshed pepper was presented. This was a Goblin White Ghoul chili, stuffed with seasoned meat and Icefell Kelp. It was the perfect palate cleanser: not only did it remove all remaining traces of previous flavors from my palate, it removed much of the palate's flesh itself. There's nothing quite like a White Ghoul Chili.

Once I could feel my face again, I was given the last course of the meal. As the Experience started out Halfling, so did it finish. A beautiful pink dish with three scoops of Spudbarry Strawberry Ice Cream was the finale of the Experience.

I would highly recommend that anyone with the time and money to spend on the Foods of the World Experience should make the pilgrimmage. It is an experience that will never be forgotten.


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