I had a dream: The Birth of Wendell

I've been asked this time and again, but I've never been willing to come right out and tell anyone about the experience that started my whole Wanted Hero obsession. I think it's because there's still a level of embarrassment involved...so I never shared this story with anyone. You're the first. It was in the month of May of 1990, I don't remember the day, but I do remember that I was having a huge struggle about my life. Self-worth has never been my strong suit and my birthday was coming up, which was a low time of the year for me. I wasn't sleeping of late and when I finally crashed after a heavy anxiety attack, I had an intense dream. I was alone at first and everything was black around me. There wasn't a breeze and I couldn't even see my own feet--so I don't have a clue if I was outside or not. When I called out, faces of people I knew started coming through the darkness. People I didn't get along with and then family and friends, until everyone I knew was crowded around me in a circle. Their faces were pale and their gaze fixed on me. Everyone stood perfectly still, unblinking, which unnerved me. I couldn't leave. There was a hissing noise and then voices, like talking through a long pipe, calling my name all around me. The faces frowned and without moving their lips, I heard comments like "You're a joke."
"You're worthless."
"There's no hope for someone like you."
"You'll never amount to anything."
"Loser." ...and then I was pulled at. Hands piled up on me and it felt like I was drowning! When I was at the point of emotionally giving up, I saw a light. My head was pushed forward from the weight, and I saw a little pinhole of light, coming from the center of my chest, shining right through my shirt. It grew brighter and brighter and the hands released me, bodies moving back. Their faces softened from frowns and scowls to curiosity...almost smiling. I felt a warmness in my heart and heard a soft, female voice say "They don't know you like I know you...but they will..." and the light exploded, getting brighter and brighter until I woke up. For the longest time I laid there and smiled in the darkness. I couldn't help it. Before I went back to sleep I wrote down all that I could remember...including a name that made me laugh (which felt good after that experience). That name was 'Wendell'.

Idea's started coming to me, especially when I saw other youth during my everyday life, struggling to be noticed and accepted. The character Wendell started forming in my mind, as did a female personage, named Ithari. It was a few years before I did more than write down ideas and sketch characters, but it continued to grow in my mind and I kept talking about this oddball kid that would become an unexpected hero someday. I know it's geeky and probably sounds stupid to some of you, but dreams can leave a lasting impression on some folks. That dream was so disturbing, it makes me cringe to think of a single youth struggling to find their worth in this world. Sad thing is, my mother died tragically in 2004 from a car accident that made national news. She was on her way home to be with us. It’s been almost 17 years as of this article. Yet, if I’m quiet...and if I can choke back my tears and picture her face in my mind, I can almost hear that soft, female, loving voice. The voice of my mother. THAT, my friends, has become my Ithari. Now you know.

- Jaime

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